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Old 12-07-2016, 07:15 AM   #21
Heartbreak Kid
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It can be difficult for people, especially when they aren't used to hearing people say things about sexual abuse or similar. I've freaked people out before because I said something that would be normal on RYL but apparently isn't normal overall.

What makes you think that though?
It's easy to misunderstand, especially if you worry about him not wanting to hear about the sexual abuse.

Definitely relax.
I find sometimes a bit rest can make a difference when I don't sleep.



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But till I try, I'll never know


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Old 12-07-2016, 09:44 AM   #22
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Sorry I'm low on words but thinking of you x

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Old 12-07-2016, 06:41 PM   #23
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I spoke to him a bit about the memories. Especially the memory of me choosing to engage in oral sex and how disgusting I felt. He didn't think I was disgusting and he said he was glad I opened up to him. So maybe it is okay to talk to him. I think he just finds it hard and difficult to understand. But h said I can talk to him about anything anytime so I feel better now.

I still worry I'll scare him off. I mean who wants to hear their girlfriend had sex with multiple men when she was a child? Who let men photograph her? Who touched men and hoped they'd give her sweets and toys for being good? I wouldn't. I'd feel uncomfortable about it.

I worry. I'm scared.

I feel a bit better today. I didn't sleep bar about 20 mins when I had my nightmare so I'm really tired. But hopefully I'll sleep tonight. I'm scared I'll have another nightmare like last night. I couldn't move. I couldn't wake up. I couldn't make it end.

How do I cope with these memories? I need to piece together what happened but I don't even remember much. How do I talk about it? Would it be easier if people asked me questions? Or do I just type? Or do I not talk about it at all?




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Old 12-07-2016, 06:42 PM   #24
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I can relate and I'm sorry this happened to you. It isn't your fault. Please text me any time.

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Old 13-07-2016, 12:35 AM   #25
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I haven't read the hidden part, I'm sorry, but please know it was never your fault and it never will be. You weren't to blame. Sending hugs x




Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?


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Old 13-07-2016, 05:16 PM   #26
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Thank you both.

I'm struggling again today with the same issues. And also memories of the car accident (which isn't for here I know).

I just feel like bad things keep happening to me. I don't know what I did wrong. My mummy died when I was 11. I really miss her and want a cuddle from her. She'd make things better.

It's not fair. Why do these things keep happening to me? There's only so much one person can take. I see my dad tomorrow. I have to assess how he is (he's bipolar and used to abuse drugs, still uses weed) and if he needs my care. I literally can't even take care of myself right now. How am I supposed to be his carer too?




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Old 14-07-2016, 06:20 PM   #27
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I don't think it's feasible for you to be his carer.
If he needs support someone else needs to be in charge of that.

How are you today?



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Old 14-07-2016, 11:09 PM   #28
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I've been his carer for years it's nothing new. I was my mother's carer before that. I've always had someone to car for.

I feel ok. Bit less stress of my shoulders now that I've handed in my dissertation but I'm exhausted from not sleeping/having bad nightmares when I do sleep.

I don't know how to get proper rest.




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Old 15-07-2016, 07:16 PM   #29
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Jodie <3 You are awesome, so please don't ever forget that. And if you ever need someone to chat to then just hit me up in chat - I'm there pretty much all the time.

None of this is your fault. <3



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Old 17-07-2016, 01:04 AM   #30
Heartbreak Kid
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Are you sleeping a bit better now that the dissertation is done?

Has anything helped with nightmares before?



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Old 21-07-2016, 12:35 AM   #31
Bellatrix
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No not really. I've been taking the melatonin as prescribed but it's not helping really. I have my next clinic appointment in November Which is ages away.

I'v found grounding myself upon wakening helpful with dealing with the aftermath but nothing to actually stop the nightmares.

I feel lost. I feel done.




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Old 22-07-2016, 04:09 PM   #32
Heartbreak Kid
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Maybe it takes a while for it to work?

I'm glad grounding works.

For me I find that expecting nightmares makes them more likely to occur.
So I tend to distract my mind just before sleep.
I don't have them frequently though, so maybe it's not working for others.



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Old 22-07-2016, 06:54 PM   #33
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I found, for myself at least, that if I do relaxing things (calming book, etc) and drastically change my bedroom environment so it's nothing like where anything happened I do better with nightmares.

One thing that really helped was making my bedroom smell like something strong that was different (I used peppermint wax melts) it would help me ground while asleep.



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