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Old 22-05-2014, 01:41 PM   #1
Abintra
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im just a fagot

all of this is in the past, wait what am I saying it is never in the past, I think about it every day, almost anytime I see someone looking at me 'they know don't they'. My secrets are not secret people all know. Well that is what i think, i always think that people know everything about me, even people i have just meet talking about me "here comes that guy he let all those men **** him' 'i heard when he was six he put an old mans penis in his mouth' 'so many times he had it done by different men he must like doing it'.
these are the thoughts that go through my head as i walk down the street or in a shopping centre, i used to believe I could read minds because of all these ****ed up thought. It will never get easier to deal with i will never be able to let go. This life is so pointless. If i was in pain from cancer a doctor my feel pity and pump me full of morphine so i felt no more pain and even allow me to die, but instead people stare at me and think of me as lazy or a bum because i don't work,I can't work. I can never hold a job for more than a few days. I'm ****ing homeless most of the time right now I'm living in an unregistered car in the bush, but park rangers have pretty much told me i have to move , move where? I am ready to drive my car off a bridge failing that there are plenty of mine shafts around here i could jump down, no one would ever find me. I doubt anyone would realize i was dead. My mum never calls noone ever calls noone cares simple as that. I am so over waiting for something to happen to make my life easier. I need someone to hold me for ****sake is it to much to ask i am so tired of being alone in this life. I need someone who will take this away. I don't need or want ****ing counseling i just want someone to **** hold me and keep me safe. 35 years old and i still can't sleep with out a light.



To whom I may offend,
hahahahaha
Yours faithfully the monkeys arse

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Old 22-05-2014, 02:32 PM   #2
Abintra
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the most annoy part is i don't want to be with anyone. I am so much other people i can not stand the thought of being with another human, i just wanted to have had that. Before it was to late. Now I just want to hurry up and die already, not suicide just i want my time to be up. Snake bite hyperventilate, spider. Election heart attack anything just stop ****ing torturing me. Haven't i suffered enough or is the world just waiting for me to finally snap and start killing people at random.



To whom I may offend,
hahahahaha
Yours faithfully the monkeys arse

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Old 22-05-2014, 03:21 PM   #3
Snow White.
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I feel a bit like the words "I'm so sorry you're have to go through all this" are inadequate but I truly am saddened that you're facing these dark thoughts and such a difficult past. It's just not fair have you ever got any help or spoken to anyone about what you've been through? You deserve a better life than this and it's not impossible for you.

Please try and keep yourself as safe as you can. While you're feeling like this it's best you don't go to dangerous places like mine shafts. Things are unbearable right now but please don't give up.

Can you speak to someone who might be able to get you in touch with emergency accommodation? Living in your car is just going to make this more rough than it already is.

Thinking of you x

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Old 22-05-2014, 07:29 PM   #4
Uglyducklin
 
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I'm low on words but couldn't agree more with Snow White . I really hope you can get the support and help you need. Please try and stay safe.

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Old 23-05-2014, 04:05 AM   #5
Crysainta
 
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:( I hate seeing that you are so miserable. There is a certain lack of control you have in your situation, so try focusing on what you CAN control. Yes, the world is full of shitty people, but who cares what thoughts may run through their heads when they look at you or if they even notice you at all? You have no reason to care what a bunch of random shitheads think of you. You aren't tied down to them. You don't need them and you aren't tied down to them. When I look at you I see a person who has taken time to help me heal when I thought my soul had been crushed. I'm not the only one who sees you this way. Some of us, when we get a glimpse of your wounds, aren't out to poke and prod at them. You can't always control how people look at you but you have control over who you let matter to you. As for the rest of your current situation, I believe you've received sound advice from others like Aimee. Just know that you really are cared about. Sometimes that is little comfort, but it is something.

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Old 24-05-2014, 10:49 PM   #6
ajrocks
 
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I am so sad to read that.it sounds like you've been through and are going through hell and I don't know what to say to make it any better I don't think their is anything but know that you are not alone and everything feels hopeless right now but nothing stays the same nothing can.
You mentioned you are living in your car at the moment? is their anywhere you can go at all? what about a hostel or somewhere like that? Things must feel so depressing but try to hang on help comes when we least expect it



"And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off."

"What others think of me is none of my business".

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Old 08-06-2014, 11:10 AM   #7
Abintra
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so ****ing over this hell



To whom I may offend,
hahahahaha
Yours faithfully the monkeys arse

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