Hiya just wanted to say you are not a sick **** or a psycho not at all.
I don't know what I can add but I know how hard the intense urges even in public can be.
I agree with shoshana-I don't think you've got anything to lose by telling a counsellor and it sounds like you really need the help right now.
It's not easy I know but see if you can give it a try?