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Old 10-07-2012, 08:56 PM   #1
bugg
 
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fighting the urges

two nights ago was the first time i cut in three weeks. i feel horibile about doing it. i promised i wouldnt. But the urge is back again and really really bad. I keep telling everyone im okay and getting better and things are finally going as planed and stuff. but i think honestly everything is getting harder and worse very fast.

i dont know how much longer i can keep doing this, and hiding everything to make them happy, its getting harder everyday. i just dont know what to do anymore.
anyone have advise on how to overcome this or anything??

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Old 11-07-2012, 04:51 AM   #2
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Is there anyone you can be honest with about how things are going? It can't be easy constantly conforming to what everyone else wants to hear from you. Hiding everything will only keep wearing on you.. You deserve to be happy. In the end, fighting the urges will be worth it.
How are you doing now?



"You are imperfect and you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." -Brene Brown


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Old 11-07-2012, 05:06 AM   #3
crazykat
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First of all you did really well to make it through 3 weeks that is an amazing achievement and shows just how strong you are. I know it's disappointing and frustating when we slip up, but try not to beat yourself up over it. We all slip up sometimes but it is what we choose to do after that matters the most. We can choose to stay down or we can get up and keep fighting.

As for the most recent urges do you know what has caused them to come on? While it can seem easier to hide what your really feeling, in the end it is only going to keep wearing you down and make it harder to cope. Is there someone you think you could be honest about how your feeling? So that you can get their support to help you get through this difficult time.

Distraction techniques are also worth having a go at. A great list of distractions can be found here. Althrough sometimes when trying distractions it can be hard to find something that works keep at it because you are bound to find something that works sometimes it just takes time. You can beat this, so don't give up. You are worth so much more than this. Take care
Kat xxx



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 11-07-2012, 08:10 AM   #4
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thanks for reading and helping!

crazykat--um well the only person i can talk to is my therapist, but we dont have any money and are having a hard time paying her, so i havnt went for almost two weeks. and i even convinced her im doing better, i just dont want to hurt people by telling them everything they thought they knew about me is a fib and im really misrable inside and i just wanna die.
I have spent my intire life pleasing other people and trying to help them get through there hard times,so its just like second nature to me now i guess.
and um i think for the urges what has caused one big part of it is my parents, they just got a divorce and are fighting about where i live and the cops had to get involved last time.

PointLullaby- um well right now im doing okay i guess. i still want to cut pretty bad. but i have not givin in yet. so i guess thats good. thanks for actually asking me about how i am now. its nice to know that someone actually cares how i feel instead of me making them better for once. (:

again thanks for reading and asking sorry if this was too long







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Old 12-07-2012, 05:59 AM   #5
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Does your current counsellor know about your financial issues? As she might be able to help by coming up with a payment plan or something similar or even referring you to a free service. I understand not wanting to hurt anyone about how your really feeling but I am sure they would rather know than to have you suffer in silence. It must be hard the situation with your parents but it is important to remember that it is not your fault and it is there issues not yours. Hold on there hun xxx



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
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Old 12-07-2012, 07:09 AM   #6
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well my counciler knows about the finacial issues and she hasnt done anything exept telling my dad some times his work policies can pay for some of the sessions with this kind of stuff. but my dad is having issues finding out if his work does that. so really she just tells me that it isnt my fault and "its grown up stuff you dont need to worry about that yet'' trying to comfort me,when i really do need to start worrying about this stuff, because my dad is actually asking me for money to pay for the theripy now, and i dont have any to give him,because i have to pay for summer skewl too. And yes it was and is a very difficalt situation with my parents and we are going to court here soon so, thank you for your support..







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Old 12-07-2012, 11:56 AM   #7
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I hope it goes okay with court. Remember we are here to support you through this. Take care
Kat xxx



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 16-07-2012, 05:13 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bugg View Post

I have spent my intire life pleasing other people and trying to help them get through there hard times,so its just like second nature to me now i guess.
What about YOU? Who gets you through your hard times?
What would happen if you gave more attention and truth to yourself and expressed to others how much you're struggling? ...Even if just on a trial run. You don't deserve to be trapped with your pain.

I'm sorry about the situation with your parents. You'll make it through this.

I hope you're doing okay!



"You are imperfect and you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." -Brene Brown


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Old 16-07-2012, 07:36 AM   #9
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what gets me through my hard times..used to be my best freind and journal. but i cant depend on either anymore,cuz crap keeps happening.

what happens when i worry about me and not them is they try sending me to the ER and get hospitalization..last night i was in the hospital from 11pm to 4am because my dad found out i cut resently and was trying to get me sent away again.

im glad for your support but how dont i deserve to be trapped i obviously did something pretty bad im being punished for.

thanks for hopeing im okay,ya im doing okay. not much better but not much worse either. i got out of being sent away so i guess im doing better then normal







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Old 18-07-2012, 03:44 PM   #10
talaiporia
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Hi honey.
You can always email the Supporters (support@recoveryourlife.com) if you need to talk and can't see your therapist. They're a bit like an email version of Samaritans/Hopeline if you've heard of them.

Do you know what you dad is planning to do at the moment?

How are you feeling today?



It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.


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Old 18-07-2012, 09:03 PM   #11
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Yeah im aware about E-mailing the supporters,I have been thinking about it actually. Um,about what my dad is doing now, I have no idea I havnt seen him sence the hole ER thingy,and only talked to him once on the phone.

Im better today, still not great,but okay. I saw my theripist last night,and she wants to talk to all my parents to get this all worked out witch kinda makes me feel better to know we are getting a plan down.







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