I could possibly have the life I've always dreamt of if it weren't for my self harm TRIGGER WARNING
If it weren't for my self harm and my illness I'd b a very different person that's for sure. I have now reached an age where my dreams are starting to slip thru my fingers, or at least that's how it feels.
I have dreamed of having children since I was a child myself and if anything it's a desperate yearning that has only gotten stronger over the years.
However I am not with anyone nor do I plan to be. My illness played havoc with my last relationship and I'd rather be single than go thru, or put anyone else thru, that again.
I have been told many times how good I am with children and babies and how I would make a good mum. If it was easier or I wasn't ill I believe I would have children already.
The problem is that I am mentally ill and still self harming I tend to get better while in therapy but get worse again when said therapy stops. This is worrying me especially when it comes to me wanting to be a mum..
And then there's the matter of how to get pregnant without a bloke. I'd be looking at a lot of money to go thru private ivf or I could go down the free donor UK groups on fb etc but I would feel less comfortable with doing that as legally Itd become more complex and I am not sure about it.
In an ideal world I would go private ivf and would have the money to do so. Short of having a windfall or a massive surprise backpayment this is looking unlikely right now.
And finally I am looking at doing a childcare course in September and I have applied online for this already so that's possibly another hurdle as I can't cope with having kids and doing a college course at the same time.
Finally I would have to come off my antipsychotics if I do decide to get pregnant as otherwise it could harm the baby. I've just turned 29 and feel like time is running out