Since I was 9 years old ive had dreams and nightmares of being beaten or raped. they involved things a kid that age should never have thought of, and as i got older they went from dreams to sort of visions i would get in the day, like flashbacks, except they wernt real. when i was 12 i ended up creating a whole lot of these visions that intertrined with each other and became lost, i had trouble staying in reality because the nightmares and visions were more real to me, i had an entire little world. and i still get them today. ive never worked out why they started, though many theories have been made. is it possible theyre a sign of suppressed memories of something happening when i was young? the thing is, by the time i was 11 or so they were so common they didnt even scare or upset me anymore, infact there was a part of me that wanted to see them, that enjoyed it for some reason, i guess because it was an escape from the real world, and despite the pain i also had alot of comfort in this world and in each of the visions, there was always someone there afterwards or with me, helping me, making me feel ok. or someone i had to protect. it wasnt untill a year or two ago that i got them and saw myself alone and no one comming afterwards, and those still scare me.
if anyone can make sence of these please tell me, because to this day i dont know, but more and more i wonder if i have some supressed memories. i dont remember alot of my childhood, i admit that. but still... oh i dont know... i guess its just bugging me again. a 9 year old should never see the things i saw in my mind. theres no real explanation for it. i dont want to be too graphic for obvious reasons but.. yeah, i dunno... help?
I'm really sorry you've been through this, Em. I wish I knew how to help you but I'm afraid I don't.
Have you ever talked to somebody about it? I mean, like a professional or something? I think they might be able to help you out more.
Wish I knew what more to say....
Take care of yourself.
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
i get nightmares and flashbacks a lot too i know how horrible they are.
all of the memories ive repressed (that i now remember) first came back to me through flashbacks and nightmares if that makes any sense.
thats not to say that all nighmares like that are suppressed memories, some of my 'recovered' memories are not even mine, my psych says theyre false memories.
i dont know if that makes any sense, i dont really understand it myself.
talking to someone professional will help.
x x x
*cuddles you* Sweetheart most young children don't know about things like that. Unless you saw some very sexually violent movie--which is pretty unlikely there is a very good chance yoo have some supressed memories. *pets* You can get through it. Try to go to a psych and they can probably help you. Perhaps even hypnosis can work and bring you back to when you were very little and see if you say anything about being hurt. And if it is just things created in your mind we can find help for that as well. *more cuddles* Let's just try to find someone who can figure this out better okay honey? Good luck.
im seeing a counciller but i live in the middle of nowhere, so hes the only one around. i get to see him once a month and he really hasent told me anything i dont already know. i might try and convince my parents to try and get me in with the one at the hospital but they dont want me to go in the first place so itll be tricky... right now i dont really have any options as far as a counciller goes.
is there a way for me to try and work it out on my own? i think i need to remember to get rid of the nightmares...maybe...
any advice that dosent involve a psych?
hugs...although i still think a psyc would be more helpful and get you the answers you need safely and quickly, i'm sorry that you are so isolated and dont have good access to a counsellor..the only other thing i can think of is maybe some books..there are so many self help books out there, and some are just a joke but i think there are some that you may find helpful right now....i have one that i've read called Hurting and Healing-how to overcome the trauma of sexual abuse and rape...
so yea sorry but thats all i can think of right now
take care hun
Do not follow the common path.....go where there is no path and leave a trail.....
*huggles* the fact that you were so young when you had these dreams and nightmares about things no nine year old should know about would suggest there may be suppressed memories unless as tracie pointed out, you saw some sexually violent film/TV show, which is hhighly unlikely at that age.
I can't really think of a way to force remembering the suppressed memories. All i can think, is that maybe it's not a good idea to, that the reason they are suppressed is that they're too painful for you to deal with properly right now, and that they'll resurface when things are a little easier. I dunno, just a thought.
stay safe honey, PM anytime.
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No one can say i no exactly how u feel simply because we all have our own experiances but i can relate to u as i am seeing my counselor twice a week due to what i have now found out are suprest memories. the work this out because not noly were they so real and could i feel pain but i could not remember any of my life around that time so maybe that might help you work outwhat they are
you said sorry for thevery first time. how dare you. Your not sorry for any of those nights you hurt me your only sorry that i found the strength from some where to tell!!
to people like my self who constantly blame there self for everything that has gone wrong its not.