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Old 25-07-2016, 12:19 PM   #1
not_so_insig
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Contains sexual abuse - Upset

I received a letter regarding my cervical screening test. Because of the fact that I was SA I really can't go for one. I would find it very triggering. Besides I am not sexually active atm.

Each time I go to see a female gp I get a lecture about not getting a test. I usually ignore them. But this letter has bothered me. I am never going to be normal. The abuse is still affecting me even though it has been more than a decade since I was last abused. I am currently single but it's going to affect any relationship I have. He didn't just abuse me he changed my life.

I guess that I should just shove the letter in the shredder.

But it's all flooding back and that I can't handle.



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"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
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Old 25-07-2016, 03:07 PM   #2
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I know exactly what you mean.i will write more later
hugs to you x



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Old 25-07-2016, 06:41 PM   #3
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I feel the same way when i receive the letter. I throw it away whenver i get it. My GP seems fine with me not getting it done but i still get the letters and they have a bad effect on me everytime.

I am quite sure, regardless of whether or not you were abused it is still your choice and your GP should respect that. Sorry don't have more to say *hugs*



You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”



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Old 25-07-2016, 07:32 PM   #4
not_so_insig
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Thanks everyone.

Sock normally I just shred it and it just annoys me. But this time it has effected me. I had sa counselling and it was one of the things that I discussed. I don't get any lectures from male doctors just female. I just wish I could say to the gp the truth though. Fortunately it's rare that I visit the gp and my previous gp (female) has left so hopefully the new gp won't lecture me.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013

Please do not pm me without permission as I find getting PMs very stressful.

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Old 26-07-2016, 02:08 AM   #5
not_so_insig
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I am sorry to be a pain but I am struggling with the fact I feel like I need to punish myself. That's how I feel the majority of the time when I get triggered. I have SIed in the past but it's not a option. But I feel like overeating. I will eat tons of junk food. It doesn't help that I have tesco coming later so will have lots of food in the flat.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013

Please do not pm me without permission as I find getting PMs very stressful.

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Old 26-07-2016, 02:13 PM   #6
Sock
 
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I'm sorry you felt that way last night. How are you feeling today?
Is there anything that could help with the thoughts of punishing yourself?



You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining
'Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”



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Old 26-07-2016, 02:57 PM   #7
not_so_insig
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I still feel like punishing myself. I am struggling with not overeating but that is not necessarily a good thing. Because then I deliberately undereat as a punishment.

I don't know what I can do. It's the one issue that I never received any help for. I usually start disassociating whenever things get this bad but I haven't so far. The only person I feel comfortable talking to is my cpn since she knows about the abuse but she's on holiday this week



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013

Please do not pm me without permission as I find getting PMs very stressful.

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Old 27-07-2016, 01:24 AM   #8
not_so_insig
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I managed to shred the letter. It has made me feel a bit better but I am still struggling with the fact that I want to punish myself. I know that I won't get any more letters for quite a while yet and it's nothing personal since they are sent out automatically. Hopefully I can move on but I feel a little bit better. Not much but it's a start.

Yesterday I ate normally which is a achievement I suppose.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013

Please do not pm me without permission as I find getting PMs very stressful.

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