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Old 02-12-2007, 05:46 PM   #1
~*DaRkAnGeL*~'s Avatar
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Triggering (SI) - I dont really know.

Im new here and didnt really know where to put this but this seemed like the right place.

im 18 and have SI'd for about 2 years now. never really bad because im terrified of my family finding out. ive always been discrete, i always cut on the side of my wrist and theyre always small enough to hide easily, but i can never just stop at doing just one. it can be a few weeks before something triggers me again, usually when im down and depressed.

i suffer from depression (allthough not diagnosed) and it can get quite bad, and its so hard, no one really notices, but i suppose i always try to hide it. im depressed most of the time, and cant really remember when i was last really happy. i usually think its because im overweight and i dont really like myself but that cant just be it.

ive never told anyone about my depression or SI apart from my best friend, and that was only because i found out she SI'd too, although she only scratches she never cuts. its so hard because i dont really have anyone to talk to (thats how/why i found this place). Im terrified about telling a doctor because i wouldnt know what to say. but the main thing about the doctors is that i often think that i dont reall know why im so depressed or why i SI because i get on with my family, i havent been abused or anything like that, and amongst other things yes my mum and dad divorced when i was younger, i lived with my mum until i was 15 until she moved out to live with her now husband, and my dad moved back in to look after me and my sister, and yes i found that quite hard because ive always blamed myself, but i dont see that as being that bad...

...i guess thats why i cant go and tell a doctor, because they will probably see it the way i see it, that i dont really have a right to be depressed or SI because there are so many other people that have been through much worse. does anyone else feel like this or have done, and what do you reccomend.

sorry about the long rant, but thanks for listening. x

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Old 02-12-2007, 05:49 PM   #2
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sorry...somehow posted two....stupid comp....sorry x

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Old 02-12-2007, 05:57 PM   #3
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You don't have to have a particular reason to be depressed or SI. Some people find it harder to deal with their feelings than others.
I've had this problem, i met one stupid doctor once that said i must have been severely abused to be SIing that badly. I was not abused as a child and i don't believe either that how 'badly' you SI has any correlation to mental distress. But he was just one idiot doctor, all the others i've seen have never suggested that i don't have a right to feel that way or to be SIing.
I really think you should give it a go. There's obviously something going on that you need to work through and if you go to the GP they could refer you for counselling. You may also have clinical depression that could be helped with medication. I would definately go to the doctor and explain what's going on.
Whatever is distressing is obviously very hard for you and everyone is individual.

Life breaks most of us in the end, but afterwards some of us are strong in the broken places
~ Ernest Hemingway

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