Cara took an OD early hours Monday morn & is currently still in hospital whilst they monitor her heart. Having visited her today with a mere lowly Feast (icecream/lolly) that dripped all over the place I wanted to return tomorrow with some lovely messages of love & hugs
So thought this thread would be a nice space to do that. And for you, Cara, if you feel able to talk some more about how you're feeling once you're out, given I know you have a tendency to take threads down lady!
Don't want to put words in your mouth as to what's going on for you right now but wanted to let you know many care and want to see you live & be happy & not just feel better able to cope but also enjoy life. I know it may not feel like things will get better right now but things can change, and you deserve that struggle to be eased in every which way it can be. With the support of the CMHT, friends, uni services.
You're so full of wit and compassion and have an awesome way of looking at the world, you have such enthusiasm for knowledge and passing that on in creative, interesting ways :) I know you struggle at times to like the person you are, so when you're being hit with waves of horrible words by your brain we'll be about to hush those and tell them why they're wrong.
<3
[Sorry if these aren't a thing anymore? I obtained Cara's permission to post this].
'What came first, the phoenix or the flame?'
'I think the answer is that a circle has no beginning'
Cara, I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. *loads of gentle hugs*
I know we haven't spoken much, but I've seen you around quite a bit(you always post in the Lyrics thread like I do + dat avatar, like I could just stare at Martin Freeman forever!+ Tumblr stalking); and thing is, you have this uniqueness about you that truly stands out, you're so intelligent and witty, and your sense of humour is absolutely amazing! I think I keep saying this, but I think you're great, and I really hope you are able to see this about yourself. xx
I know things are tough right now, but Tonks is very right, things can change, and definitely for the better. And if you read this and think 'that's not possible', well that's the whole idea of change, that it feels unlikely and foreign because, [to quote Andrea Gibson], 'it hurts to become'.
I hope you are able to reach out more, even if it's hard talking about things; indeed you deserve to have your struggles eased and just having someone there for you(in all sorts of ways) can make a real difference.
Know that we are here for you, and you are not alone. This is not the end for you, and you don't have to face things on your own. Thinking of you loads xx
Oh Cara, I'm sorry things got so bad and desperate.
You don't deserve to suffer. You're a funny, lovely, witty, beautiful person.
I hope you get the help you need.
You're not alone, we're all here for you <3
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
Thank you for all the messages, I have copied and pasted them and shall give them to her later on this eve. I have credit now & a charged phone so feel free to send texts. Cara has no working phone so shall pass your words on <3
'What came first, the phoenix or the flame?'
'I think the answer is that a circle has no beginning'
Things will change, and things will untangle themselves, but you have to keep on going to see that happen.
Remember that you're incredibly important to me, and I always always always have time for you .
P.s never worry about burning pizza because I just honestly topped all of the pizzas that were ever (and will ever) be burnt. See below.
Last edited by Gordon. : 24-11-2015 at 04:38 PM.
Reason: adding pizza fail
Wow, I can verify that that pizza is approximately 586% more burnt than the Cara Allegedly Burnt The Pizza Incident.
Also I pretty much just want to say what bluebubbles (do you use your name on here?) said. Everything feels 0/10 but there are so many medications, therapies and support options to try which could really improve things for you and you are not on your own. Like, you can sneak off to hospital and not tell us and we will just ninja-stalk you and turn up on the ward anyway with an apology drink. Irritating as that may have been, I hope it shows you how much we care about you and want to help.
Wow, I can verify that that pizza is approximately 586% more burnt than the Cara Allegedly Burnt The Pizza Incident.
Also I pretty much just want to say what bluebubbles (do you use your name on here?) said. Everything feels 0/10 but there are so many medications, therapies and support options to try which could really improve things for you and you are not on your own. Like, you can sneak off to hospital and not tell us and we will just ninja-stalk you and turn up on the ward anyway with an apology drink. Irritating as that may have been, I hope it shows you how much we care about you and want to help.
Yes- completely fine with my name useage on here (Steph, for anybody wondering...)
Not to blow our own trumpets (or take the seriousness away from what is a very serious thread), but Jenna and I deserve 10/10 for the quality of our stalking.
I was discharged this afternoon, I'm okay, the ever ethereal Florence has stayed with me tonight, thank you for making the thread queen.
I have read every response. I had all the wit and charm stored to reply but alas, no words right now except you all make spontaneous liquid appear around my eye area.
I will reply properly. I'm a bit overwhelmed by responses, but in a good way.
Not very eloquent tonight.
I will reply proper.
Head is everywhere at the moment. Thoughts changing very quickly, in a way that is probably a bit Not Ordinary.
I'm finding things difficult, if this was my thread I'd be rewd and delete it. I don't know, mountains over molehills and all that.
I don't have any words as of now. Just lots of thoughts. I will return to this.
Oh god I want to hear you say,
I want to hear you say that you were wrong again
This is the first thing
I have understood:
Time is the echo of an axe
Within a wood.
know you're supernumero stressed right now what with one 2,000 word essaye & 2X 1500 word essays. I just wanted to scoot in & say l am uber proud of yoh for even cnsidering to attack them all head on and email all the various people associated with that & lectures missed. Please remember, you can delegate these pressures out a smidge by asking your Uni student advisor to help you where he can, tour personal tutor and the the essay help people if you were wnating help with direction with essay question. You can do this *\¶/*
Also, having left my passport in the fridge at yours ;) l know you're a fibber aboht your creating pizza related woeful incidents as you did not drop my leftovers in the bin. BUFFET jokes ayez but pizza ones are too far and Too Soon. :P
Don't be worrying about other demands on your time, you need to focus on YOU right now and things that can help ease the stress of getting things done. If you make an exec decision that you can't do three essays in 3 days (that was the extent of my first term of Psych Degree plus other assessmebts modules, what is with the overload you English Literature peeps face?!?!) And want to focus on one/two then that's awesome and still moving forward love <3
'What came first, the phoenix or the flame?'
'I think the answer is that a circle has no beginning'
Florence, I got mixed up and it's like, 500 words, 2500 word, 1500 word. I think.
I'm trying to email my personal advisor. I've had the email open for ages. I've said how I've been unwell and in hospital. I've mentioned how I am worried about how many absences I have and whether I'll meet the deadline for the three essays due Sunday.
I had an essay due in last Sunday and I didn't do it and I don't know whether to just admit I haven't started it in this email or just say I haven't finished it.
I'm so worried they will think I'm a big failure idiot twat. Like I'm two months into this course and clearly not cut out for this. Last year was just on ESA for MH, really want to do this but its pretty fucking clear I can't and that makes me so sad because I just can't move forward and I create these stupid problems for myself.
I feel dizzy I am that overwhelmed. I don't even know how much I'm supposed to say in this email, or whether to email the seminar leader I owe an essay to with a brief been ill and in hospital but I'm so embarrassed and emails are fucking stressful.
Don't know how I've slipped behind so quickly.
If I am kicked out I don't really have a home to go to.
Sorry for this Pathetic Pity Party. I am just finding this really difficult, whether that's justified or not.
I also need to call the CMHT because I missed my appointment last Thursday because my legit dose of quetiapine decided to knock me out for 15 hours, but my phone is broke. Lol. I'm not even thinking about that right now though since I need to be trying to convince my uni that I'm not a timewasting twat who they should never have taken on.
P.S Than you again for all the lovely replies. I am terrible at showing people I appreciate things like this but I really really do. I read all the messages again this morning, yer a lovely lot.
P.P.S Steph, I can't offer you any support over your pizza burning woe because you decided that pineapple on pizza was okay and I can't get behind that, try the pasta cooking support boards.
P.P.P.S You were dolls for visiting me, despite making me practically trip over my drip and into a curtain in shock -____-
Last edited by Sentient Treacle : 26-11-2015 at 11:18 AM.
Reason: Adding non-woe.
Oh god I want to hear you say,
I want to hear you say that you were wrong again
This is the first thing
I have understood:
Time is the echo of an axe
Within a wood.
Hi Cara, I'm sure they won't think you are an idiot at all. I think that being honest is the way forward. Could you maybe say you missed the deadline because you are overwhelmed by the work but would like to work with them on figuring out how to make it easier for you to do the work?
Would it help to have someone else help you write/read the email?
Re- the CMHT, do you have anyone you trust nearby whose phone you can borrow to ring the CMHT or can ring then on your behalf?
Emails can be really difficult. I never seem to be able to send them without help.
[in case you haven't sent it:]I think what you've written so far sounds good. Regarding the essay due last Sunday, I agree with Cat, you can say you've been overwhelmed by the workload + you've been struggling and that had an impact on your capacity to focus/write the essay? I'm pretty sure you can fill in an extenuating circumstances form even after the deadline(it's best to ask your advisor about this).
You're definitely not a failure/idiot/twat/any derogatory term. The fact that you've been unwell doesn't mean you're not cut out for this.
I'll share this thing my personal tutor told me(literally last week), when we were discussing my attendance issues and concerns that I had that were very similar to yours(i.e. that I cant do this course/haven't been to class in weeks/are they going to kick me out). Anyway, she said that a lot of people find uni incredibly hard to adjust to, and are struggling, even when they don't have a disability/mh issue. My point is that it's understandable that you're finding it difficult, that you're not alone in this, and that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself, as things are definitely solvable.
Also, they are not going to kick you out, love. Xx Again, something I was worried about myself, but the thing is your lecturers etc. want to help you stay in uni, and they want to help you do well. [+ they're legally not allowed to kick you out based on MH issues]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sentient Treacle
Don't know how I've slipped behind so quickly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nymphadora Tonks
what is with the overload you English Literature peeps face?!?!)
^In reply to this: Cara, it's not your fault you've slipped behind, this is English Literature hell. I've got it figured out(after falling behind multiple times; [I am still behind]) that they design Lit courses specifically for exhausting/stressing the hell out of us, the poor unfortunate souls who chose to study this amazing subject :P
Anyway, could you send the email to just one person(e.g. advisor), and ask them if they could let others(e.g. seminar leader[s], personal tutor, course coordinator) know what's going on for you?
I think it would be a good idea to try and take things one step at a time. Sending the email asap would definitely be helpful as it would I think ease a bit of your anxiety, and obviously enable you to get more help.
I just missed my psych appt because of Quetiapine too lol. You can maybe try calling the CMHT next week, and focus on academic stuff/wellbeing until Sunday?
Also, regarding the essays: would you consider asking for an extension? I think you have legit reasons for asking for one, as you've been struggling, and in hospital and stuff. You can maybe choose one of them and try to finish that one, and try to get an extension for the rest?
If it would help discussing the essay topic a bit or ranting about how much you hate said topic or whatever, please do so(it's what all of us on the Uni thread do tbh XD).
Sorry if this is too long and unstructured...(I never shut up.)
Florence, I got mixed up and it's like, 500 words, 2500 word, 1500 word. I think.
I'm trying to email my personal advisor. I've had the email open for ages. I've said how I've been unwell and in hospital. I've mentioned how I am worried about how many absences I have and whether I'll meet the deadline for the three essays due Sunday.
I had an essay due in last Sunday and I didn't do it and I don't know whether to just admit I haven't started it in this email or just say I haven't finished it.
I'm so worried they will think I'm a big failure idiot twat. Like I'm two months into this course and clearly not cut out for this. Last year was just on ESA for MH, really want to do this but its pretty fucking clear I can't and that makes me so sad because I just can't move forward and I create these stupid problems for myself.
I feel dizzy I am that overwhelmed. I don't even know how much I'm supposed to say in this email, or whether to email the seminar leader I owe an essay to with a brief been ill and in hospital but I'm so embarrassed and emails are fucking stressful.
Don't know how I've slipped behind so quickly.
If I am kicked out I don't really have a home to go to.
Sorry for this Pathetic Pity Party. I am just finding this really difficult, whether that's justified or not.
I also need to call the CMHT because I missed my appointment last Thursday because my legit dose of quetiapine decided to knock me out for 15 hours, but my phone is broke. Lol. I'm not even thinking about that right now though since I need to be trying to convince my uni that I'm not a timewasting twat who they should never have taken on.
P.S Than you again for all the lovely replies. I am terrible at showing people I appreciate things like this but I really really do. I read all the messages again this morning, yer a lovely lot.
P.P.S Steph, I can't offer you any support over your pizza burning woe because you decided that pineapple on pizza was okay and I can't get behind that, try the pasta cooking support boards.
P.P.P.S You were dolls for visiting me, despite making me practically trip over my drip and into a curtain in shock -____-
Uni is totally different to being at school/college/sixth form because it is easier to get behind without anybody noticing, until it feels impossible and overwhelming. HOWEVER, remember that first year of uni at most places is designed for these kinds of things to happen. You have to get 40% to pass the year, right? I have many friends who successfully graduated this year on my course, who missed multiple deadlines during their first year. Feel free to ask me to read any drafts or proof read. I am not an English Lit pro, but having bullshitted my way through many uni essays, I know how helpful a second pair of eyes is. Also, if you need help planning what time to spend on which essays or how to start them, I am also fantastic at time management. (I sound very confident in myself here, but just remember I lack pizza cooking skills).
When I had problems @ uni, I went to a trusted lecturer, who took on the responsibility of e-mailing around those who needed to know about my absences/extended deadlines/mitigating circumstances. You don't have to do all of the e-mailing by yourself. You will be entitled to extensions, I'm sure.
You are welcome to borrow my phone to ring CMHT if you like! Also happy to call if you aren't feeling up to it (without being super patronising here, would never want to be a patro).
P.P.S Cara, don't be so rewd about pineapple on pizza. Also, remember that I told you on Friday night that I burnt pasta last week. I worry if I post too much on the pasta support boards no one will take my woes seriously.
PPPPPPPPPPS when I had extensions, I had them for all essays, from September until Xmas as one extension means less time to do the next upcoming deadline and so on. I am sure that they will consider this when granting you with extensions so as not to affect future essay deadlines, but maybe mention this if you do request them as it will help to keep da stress off.
Cara definitely needs the pasta support boards, given that she doesn't even own a saucepan to cook pasta in...
Did you manage to email your personal advisor?
I honestly think you've done really well so far with uni, especially given how difficult things have been MH wise. Just because you've had a shaky start it doesn't mean you're not cut out for this, it just means you need a bit of time and support to get on track.
I don't think you're having a Pathetic Pity Party (capital letters) and I think it's completely justified to be finding it difficult. Loads of people without mental health problems have difficulty adapting to uni life and keeping up with the work, so don't be hard on yourself for struggling.
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