Originally Posted by Tig
It must have been disappointing to feel that you had found somebody in real life and then find that they aren't able to continue with the friendship/support. I do empathise, self harm is so isolating and it can be a comfort when you meet somebody in real life who has experience even though of course we wouldn't wish it on anybody else.
Do you think it might be that you need to build friendships that are away from self harm? Like, if your whole friendship is based on a mutual understanding of self harm then that isn't always enough because as we know, self harm doesn't define us as a person - it is just a part of us. With this person, did you have anything else in common? If you did, maybe it would be worth asking them to meet for a coffee to discuss your common interest but not self harm. In time, you might find then you have the chance to talk about it.
I would say though that even if you do both end up talking about self harming, be careful. It sounds like you are wanting somebody to help you to stop self harming and people can help you but ultimately you will need to make the commitment yourself and I do truly believe you are doing that, so I'm not judging you.
Just if there are two of you self harming, be careful. That might sound hypocritical when I am a self harmer talking to you, another self harmer, but my point is that in real life if two of you are unwell it can be very triggering for you both. I have had experiences with friends where one of us has been unwell and the other one has then began to feel a lot of pressure to take care of them and then the other ends up self harming too which is a bit of a mess. I'm not saying it's always that way, just be careful.
& remember, we are always here for you too :)
This is a really fantastic post, as is what talaiporia has said. I really hope you've read it and taken it in.
I'm sorry you had a negative experience with the person you met at uni. I would add to what others have said- sometimes just being an ex-self-harmer doesn't put you in a position to always help others. For example, I used to self harm and whilst I support my friends and partner with their difficulties and reply to threads on RYL, at school (I'm a teacher), I deal very badly with cases of potential self harm in students and for a variety of reasons I'm just really not the right person to be talking to them, should they talk to me about it. It's not that I don't care about them, I'm just not at a place yet where I can have those conversations with those people.
Originally Posted by Babez
my principal found out and she apparently had to call my mum and dad and tell them so i guess a university would have to do the same. i thinks its some sort of law. hope i helped xoxo
It is very different for universities, as people at university are adults and thus they would be very unlikely to contact parents at all ever, especially about something like this.