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Old 09-07-2007, 02:45 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2007
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BMI/Numbers/Weight Triggers - am i in trouble?

ok, i havent posted much in the past, but here goes.... having a crisis at the moment, over 4000 cals net neg today, nearly 4500. am a little scared that i am going too far. i had AN and BN years ago but managed to maintain a reasonable weight for a few years... (48kg @ 5'4) (18.2 BMI). recently i have been put on new meds that have made me balloon out to 60 Kg (22 BMI). although the numbers say that this is the upper end of normal i could not live like that it made me hate myself again. i have always hated myself to some extent but this has made the fat fairy rear its ugly fat head.... i used to average 1250 net neg and this made sure everyone stayed off my back unless they hadnt seen me for a couple of weeks. i am a failure. how could i let myself get like this? how could i gain that much fat? i failed my neice who was more like a daughter to me. when she really needed me i turned her away just like everyone else in her life. when my first daughter needed me i turned her away too. why am i so selfish? i am so out of my league. i am pretending to be a person in a responsible field (work), where people turn to me for help. who am i kidding? i couldnt even help the people i promised could trust me! why is my love never enough. i try to love people and it destroys their lives. i wish i could stop. i wish i could just switch off like so many people can. why is it that when i love people that they end up worse. why does my love destroy their lives? i just dont get it! i think i need to sleep now. at least when i sleep i cant do any harm.

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Old 09-07-2007, 02:48 PM   #2
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what is wrong with me? why is it that anyone i love is doomed? why am i so toxic?

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Old 09-07-2007, 03:53 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Your not eating much i personally think your not eating enough.
Your not a failure at all, Not one bit.
Maybe you should speak to your doctor with how you are feeling and they can help you out.

Please stay strong and healthy.

Jess x

P.s - You are NOT fat.

This hungry Feeling from the pit of my stomach. Makes me feel in control.

I will recover one day...

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Old 09-07-2007, 08:08 PM   #4
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: West Midlands
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Just wanted to send you my support. You're not fat at all, but I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with food/weight issues again. PM me if you ever want to talk.

Lyndsey x

I'm not afraid to fall,
It means I climbed up high.
To fall is not to fail,
You fail when you don't try.

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Old 10-07-2007, 03:32 AM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2006
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Just wanted to let you know that I read this and that I'm always here if you want to talk. You are not fat at all. I know this can all be difficult but you can get through this. Just reach out for support and get as much as possible. You have our support here on RYL, why not take an extra step and try telling a doctor about how you are feeling. Hope you're ok. PM anytime.

Jess xx

I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away

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