as some of you may remember ive been rather stressed before leaving on a camp this week as it was a training camp and i knew i would be touched. i havent been able to be touched for a year and a half now, and if im so much as bumped or hi-5ed by a male i scratch and hit the spot to get rid of this weird feeling i get.
well im back. and i was touched, at one point a little too intimatly by a mentally handicapped boy. but i did it! i didnt freak out, and while my skin crawled and i wanted to much to hit it i didnt. i didnt even flinch when the male instructor touched my hands! this is so amazing, to finally be able to do this. maybe there is hope
the nightmares and visions when i had them later were very vivid and i began to disasociate, but ill put up with them forever if it means i can touch men again.
i mean, i even sat beside a boy that looks way too much like my ex for my liking, and i mean we were right up against each other squished in the back of the car with another girl, and i didnt only cope with it, i almost felt comfortable, safe.. comforted. its so strange, but its so amazing
We're all so SO proud of you Emmy!! Well done!! *big hugs* x
My RYL Family *hidden_pain*, purexcocaine
My Other Family (now named IRONICALLY HAPPY) Andyk, Knight, annihilate_me.
My goodness!! How long has it been!?
Message to all who knew me on here, and anyone else who's interested; if you want to get back into contact PM me for my email, I promise I'll keep an eye on them. I won't be posting around on the boards very often anymore, because, I'm pleased to report, I have recovered :)
<3 Paramore<3 "The truth never set me free, so I did it myself"