Why do people act so fake? Why do they hurt you when they are supposed to love you? Why do they just not care how much you hurt? Why don't they stop when you tell them to? Why do leave you alone to cry? Why do they tell you its your fault? Why am I a failure to them? Why didn't I just stop breathing like she did? Why does love hurt so much? Why do kind people care about damaged ones? Why can't they see that I am not good? Why do they reach out when I want them to run? Why can't I turn away from the thing I know will hurt me? Why do they look at me like I am strong and special? Why can't I look back at them? Why didn't God protect me? Why didn't I protect myself? Why couldn't I just die? Why me? Why won't they believe me? Why doesn't matter anymore. There's nothing left. No reason to care. It all ends up in shattered tears. They hunt you down and make you disappear. The only thing you have is fear.
When people act fake, they might be hiding how they really feel/are. Maybe they hurt you when they are supposed to love you b/c they can, plain and simple. &/Or they don't live the way they want to for whatever pathetic reasons, so they resent someone that they are supposed to love when they really have a difficult time even grasping the concept of love. And often times people hurting others either consciensely or subconsciensly feel they are wronged/victims of something/s then don't care how much you hurt. Maybe you can't turn away from the thing you know will hurt you b/c what you're used to is comforting, and maybe you're used to pain. And don't let that shame you, it just might be healthy to fully downplay the importance of whatever hurts you, b/c there are healthy alternatives. You are strong and special.
And maybe there really is no God to protect anyone, I mean that in the most comforting way, there might not be any type of god looking down on us and allowing things to happen. That could be comforting b/c it's not your fault, you didn't do anything or are insignificant enough to make a god foresake you. And there's no heinous uncaring god running the scheme of things in life. Abuse/pain might have been thoughtlessly (&/or maliciously) bestowed upon you. But I believe it's not your fault, you didn't do anything to make a god foresake you.
And You can't always protect yourself, please don't shame yourself, please. If you feel up to doing so, consider alternatives to what you could do next time maybe, but there might be nothing.
I know everything I've said is cliche, but I hope it helps.
Things may seem bad now, but I really think things will get better, eventually. I think you'll learn and grow, and take care of yourself. I feel for you, and can understand how you feel. This is a huge step, coming on here and venting, it really is, I think you're concerned about your well-being, regardless I honestly believe one day later on in your life you'll recall these dark times and feel relieved.
Please feel welcome to email or pm me any time.
I love and care about you because i do - i have no other reason. I am so very worried about you right now = please dont shut me out Abby - please try and let me know you are safe somewhere - please let me help you. This not knowing is terrible. I'm not going to stop caring about you just because you are hiding from me - my love and care is gonna carry on forever.
Please let me know you are ok - even if you dont want to pm me - just answer on here - anything.
Love you so very much abby and am so very worried for you right now. I miss you.
I hate that I am worrying you. I am ok. I dont want it to be like this. I wish you could hate me. It would be easier for you. I dont know why you keep on caring. Please know i am so sorry. This just seems better for you guys to me and thats all i care about right now. Its not fair for you guys to get in trouble coz of me. Maybe if I make you mad enough you will hate me and then you can stop worrying. I will be ok. I am tough enough for this. Know that.
please understand i cant hate you or be mad at you - i never will be able to - ever - we have come too far for that.
I am begging you not to shut me out - we can stillhelp you - ipromise - no-one is mad at you they just want to help you and we are both so worried for you. I know you think you are strong enough hun - but please try and be strong enough to let us help you. We will never send you anywhere you dont want to go - but i know we can help you - you dont have to be scared and alone.
Please beleive me abby - you know how much i care about you. I am hurting so much for you - not because of you.
please talk to me - i need so much to speak to you.
Just in case you come back to this when times are tough Abby, I am writing to let you know how very much I love you. No matter what happens, what you do, where you go, or what you say, I will still love you. Nothing is going to change that ever. If you get lost in the hurt and pain and go a direction you don't like or find out is too hard, i will be waiting right here with open arms for you. I will be looking everywhere I can think of to reach out to you and wrap my arms around you and keep you safe. Baby, please don't turn away from us. When you can't love yourself or understand why anybody would care, we still see you as beautiful. You were taught to beleive that you don't deserve love or are unlovable and that love is going to hurt you in the end. But not with us hun. Not with us. We have been where you are and know the pain you are running from. Let us help you. I love you so, so much.
i wish i could anwers those qustions but most of them are my own to.
your hurting so much, and im so sorry about that, but i'm here as are many other people on RYL as you can see by the replies. the world can be so lonly so acept that bewildering kindness that some people still show even if you don't understand it acept it.
please pm me if you want to talk. im running from the same pain as you but at lest we don't have to run on our own.