Contains abuse - Survivors of Female Abusers Support Thread - Page 2

Stellata · 12-02-2010, 09:46 PM

Why is it abuse when adults attack each other and children, but when children attack each other it's bullying, and doesn't matter?

*goes to hide again*

troubleshooter · 12-02-2010, 09:48 PM

I think people associate "bullying" with playground teasing and a kid getting beat up once on a while. After all, what NorthernLights just described is clearly emotional and sexual abuse. I think the term "sexual bullying" also completely waters down sexual assaults and harassment. People think kids and teens aren't capable of inflicting severe abuse, which is quite ridiculous. I think the wording can have a big impact.

shadow-light · 12-02-2010, 09:51 PM

ye, I think people think that children can't hurt others, a bit like how they think women cannot hurt children.

People have this idea that trauma is caused by adult men, and noone else... it's a stupid steriotype

Delirium. · 12-02-2010, 09:54 PM

i had a girlfriend,when i was younger I'd say about 15 or so. Who determined she wanted to hurt me, for no reason at all. She drove a knife into a section of my abdomen and ripped from one side to the other. it wasn't a very big knife, but the cut hurt a lot. i went to the hospital and they stitched me up, i still have a scar, which i now tell people it is from the way i sit, where my ribs fold the skin. Though inside i know it isn't true. it just makes everything easier to cope with.

The same girl talked to me a few days ago. told me i was a low-life loser who should be dead, and that i shouldn't mind f*ck people. But I have done nothing, and never will do anything to her.

She may be wrong,cruel,abusive and a little bit of a masochist, but i cannot find it in myself to return her cruelty. I politely asked her to stop contacting me, and i believe she will.

that's my story.

troubleshooter · 12-02-2010, 09:58 PM

*hugs Del gently* That cut on your tummy sounds really painful, inside and outside. You're not a low life loser or anything like that and she's just being cruel saying that. Her saying stupid things like that just prove how helpless she is. You're a better person not hurting ber back but I don't think the politely asking will work so well. If she's contacting you through phone/internet I think you should try to change your number or sn/e-mail or just block her. If she's contacting you in person maybe we can all help you do something to keep safe so she doesn't try to hurt you again?

Thanks a lot for sharing, you did a great job. :)

12-02-2010, 10:40 PM

i think sometimes people don't class their own experience with bullying as abuse cause they don't want to be seen as "dramatic", which is due to society accepting bullying so much. It's not right, but i think society is more used to it. but it's still abuse, regardless of if legal consequences are different for children. i know what some people mean by bullying being hard to pin down. throughout school i was constantly left out, and had people saying things about my body, stuff like that. but it was always like passive aggressive so it was hard to say things were wrong. i think that's why i allowed the emotional abuse with my friend when i was a teenager cause i was used to people putting me down and then acting like it wasn't serious. plus she would sometimes be nice and sometimes say off the cuff mean things, not to mention threatening me but doing it in a way of like a hypothetical situation. but that doesn't mean it didn't cause fear, it just made it so i didn't realize anything was wrong until much later.

musicmad123 · 12-02-2010, 11:18 PM

Hey peeps I don't really wanna share with the group right now having a bad week just saying Hello :) x

DestroyMe · 12-02-2010, 11:44 PM

ugh...my ex called me a few minutes ago....I can't block her number because I don't have it and I don't have caller ID
she wants to spend "a week alone" with me after I graduate to "say goodbye"
I told her no, because that could end badly and would end badly and I would get hurt again, both physically, mentally and emotionally.
she had the nerve to say "but, baby I love you"
I politely told her that, while that may be so on her part, that I don't love her anymore and not to call me again, and that I didn't care if she was bleeding on the floor she wasn't to call me.
I'm taking weightlifting so that if I get into a physical fight with her again I can defend myself and I won't end up with a black eye.
part of me thinks and knows, that she's just gunna use me for sex and I don't want that to happen again

troubleshooter · 12-02-2010, 11:53 PM

Sweetheart why don't you call your phone service or go to the store and change the phone number, that way she at least can't call you. And don't you think you just need to stay there and take all that hurt, esp if she tries to hit or touch you again. Was anyone at school able to help you?

DestroyMe · 13-02-2010, 12:00 AM

no, I tried they didn't beleive me for one because we were so on/off and having bad fights last year and said that even if it was true they couldn't do anything being that I'm almost 20 years old and she's still a minor (and yet if I were the one beating the Sh*t out of her everyday they could damn well do something about that)
and I can't change the number cause it's my house phone, I got my cell permanently turned off because she would hassle me.

NeonHaze · 13-02-2010, 12:31 AM

Thanks - I will try, but in a way I find myself being more ashamed of this more than any of the other abuse I went through, and I think its because she had such a hold over me. She managed to completely alienate me from my family. She was 34, and at the the time I was 12-15, (18 now) and I dont know. I know I need to get it out, but its hard as hell to explain what she did.

And perfectmess *hugs* well done for getting this out and standing up to her.

troubleshooter · 13-02-2010, 12:45 AM

It's okay to feel ashamed and scared, but we won't shame you at all no matter what you tell us. You can even PM me if you want first to "test the waters" before posting to the whole of RYL. It is hardest to talk about people who had such a psychological hold on you, and often women do that a bit better than men! Part of why I made this thread. *hugs* Take your time, and I'm sure it'll come out when you're ready.

Horizon · 13-02-2010, 06:23 AM

I really like this thread.
Where my childhood sexual abuse took place is where I first experienced abuse at the hands of females, though at the time I was more concerned with the man. his wife would watch what he did to me, and her daughter would tell me I was a freak and that no one loved me, and she tried to drown me.
I started getting harrassed in middle school, followed by a group of people who put stuff in my locker and called my house to swear at me, etc.
Then I moved (from overseas0 back to the U.S. and in 8th grade because I was new and insecure and had recently pulled out my eyebrows and eyelashes, I was kicked down in hallways, grabbed onto, shoved into classrooms and locked there, etc. Then my "friend" who included me, began pulling my hair and grabbing my arms and twisting them, breaking a nail on one occasion, and would kick me if I said her name, leaving a bruise all the way up to my knee from my ankle. What really took the cake though, was when it began. The first time she laid a hand on me was in gym class when I got in her way during volleyball, and she said I had hit her hand while reaching for the ball at the same time, so I apologized and moved to the other side of the net. She followed me, and in front of the whole class, threw me onto the ground and started stomping on my back and kicking me, while the class and the teacher just watched.
Sorry that was so much info, I just dont talk about it much.

troubleshooter · 13-02-2010, 06:51 AM

That was a really crap teacher that would just stand there and not step in when that other girl was beating you up! I'm glad you were comfortable enough to share that much about the girls in school and adult abusers, that shows you needed it and were able to get it. :) *hugs*

Canis · 13-02-2010, 12:55 PM

So... guess it's my turn to talk a little now... I've been abused by a whole lot of people, more than (then?) I care to admit, but the worst and longest abuse was by women, starting with my mother who was an extremely emotional abusive person. She died when I was 13, I think if she hadn't she would still be abusing me.
I still can't stand it if someone I don't trust 100% tries to make *any* sort of decision for me...

okay, that's all I'm comfortable sharing for now, but if anyone is curious or just wants to talk, just pm. :)

*hugs everyone*

onepapergirl · 13-02-2010, 08:09 PM

The first two abusive interactions I had were both with females. I don't usually think of them though because other things since then have screwed me up worse.

Sarah · 14-02-2010, 01:39 AM

just thoughted would say well done to all the peoples whats been braves enoughs to tell theys storys.. *gives you all stickers and cuddles* :)

Delirium. · 15-02-2010, 06:07 AM

No she gave up, quietly and without a fight because she knows that even though she is cruel and i am "weak" to her i would defend myself if she came to me again. Which is why she won't bother.

DestroyMe · 15-02-2010, 03:32 PM

I don't wanna go tomorow, she's apparently blaming me for everything that her other ex is doing {basically her ex is more ballsy then me and told Amanda she was gunna ruin her life and expose her to the entire school for what she was, my ex has some serious mental issues, like she wants to be a male. and that alone scares me because she's denying it face to face with anyone BUT me, even requested that I call her "Caiden" when no one else was around}
and she thinks that I'm in on it to, she blames every one of us that she used to be friends with for her screwing up her life.
what do I do with that? because I haven't done anything to her.
and I'm scared of what she's gunna tell me on my last day before I graduate because I know it's gunna be "I miss you and I lied, I never used you" just because she doesn't want me to leave here.

troubleshooter · 15-02-2010, 09:52 PM

Sweetheart, you really shouldn't even let her talk to you. She's only going to tell you things that will be hurtful and while you might be curious, it's probably nothing you don't know already. *hugs lots* You really should tell anyone in the faculty that she's got such severe mental problems and she's a danger to others and possibly herself. Usually they spring into action when they hear that. Also, if she's every hurt you with any "weapons" in school, that usually makes them jump to do something to avoid a Columbine-like incident.