I've been going through a hard time recently, my grandmother who was a huge part of my life died and this added fuel to the urges I'd been having. I'm also a new mother and I spend 2/3 of my day alone with just my baby, which is very stressful at times. I also became addicted to SI when I did it before. All of this kept weighing on me no matter how much I talked out my feelings or tried distractions and so after going a year without cutting, I've relapsed. It wasn't bad, but now I find myself conflicted because after I cut I felt calmer and more in control and this let me take a minute and deal with my stress and emotions in a constructive healthy way. Thus the problem went away and now the urges are almost nonexistent, which leaves me thinking maybe it's not such a bad thing for me to cut as long as I deal with what triggered me in the first place in a healthy way afterward and that makes me feel like I'm loosing my mind and makes me worry I won't be able to stop again. Please help, any advice would be appreciated.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. :'(
It's very easy to think like that. I've been thinking about that a lot too. Haven't cut in a year as of late december...haven't self-harmed in a year as of middle of march. But cutting really isn't a healthy way to deal with it, there are other ways, we just have to remember them. Unfortunately, cutting takes the least effort (generally) and has the fastest results as far as I know. However, would you want your baby cutting when he/she gets older? Or what about anyone else you know? If you aren't okay with someone else doing it, then you shouldn't either. Of course, this is the advice I give, but it is hard to follow. I know I haven't always followed this and I still struggle to. Actually, that's why i'm on here again...but that is a whole other thing. This post is for you.
It is great that you can deal with your stress and emotions constructively! : ) and congrats for going so long without cutting! : ) Try dealing with what triggers you in a the healthy way first rather than cutting. It obviously works better and is a more permanent solution.
Take care.
*HUGS*
I can fly, I can fly among the clouds
All I need are a pair of wings,
outside help, and a little faith
You are valuable, don't let anyone tell you differently.
Love Gives Me Hope
To reiterate, I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother. These times must be tough for you. But you do have a beautiful little baby to love and look forward to :)
I'm so sorry you're feeling these urges right now, I can understand how terrible that must feel, with a brand new baby on the scene as well. Is there anyone you know who might be able to at least spend some time with you and baby, to keep your mind a bit calmer/otherwise occupied? I can understand it's extremely stressful, and whilst in no way do I condone self-injurous behaviour, I can also see why this is your desired way of coping with this.
Dealing with the triggers is probably the most important thing to look at before you start slipping back into the cycle of self-harm. You say it led you to become addicted before, and you certainly don't want to risk that now you're also looking after your baby.
You said that the urges have now gone away, so this suggests to me that it was only a short-term trigger? I could be completely wrong, but it would do you the world of good to sit down and think for a minute just what it was that caused you to feel that way. If it's baby related, then it might do you well to think of other healthier ways of dealing with that now, because once baby starts getting older, things will get stressful. You don't want cutting to be your 'solution' to any time your child stresses you out.
Is this all making sense? I hope it's helped in any way xx
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
I definitely don't want to see my baby suffer with this like I have and my fiance who is an ex self harmer doesn't either. I am working very hard to deal with things constructively first and thus far it's working. The trigger was that my baby cried when ever I put him down which normally I do ok with but with loosing my grandmother the day before and not being sure how to deal with that on top of stress from feeling alone and isolated because I moved to a new state 9 months ago and I still haven't made any friends, I lost the will to fight the urges. I'm doing much better now with the support of my fiance who I know understands and we are going to join a parents group which should really help with feeling alone. In fact since we found a group to join and I won't be alone all the time I'm looking at cutting as a negative thing again and I think I may be back on the road to recovery, exercising daily is also really helping. Thanks so much for the advice you've both given it helped to make me feel less alone and it helped me to feel strong enough to keep working toward recovery.
That's so great to hear that you're looking to join a parents group. Hopefully you'll be able to pass around and hear some advise from the other parents there, as well as make some new friends in a safe and relatively stress-free environment :) It's also good that you're dealing with these urges constructively. What you recently went through sounds just like a small slip up, but these are natural in recovery. Try not to focus too much on it, but rather the future and how you know you can get well and stay well for you, your partner and your baby. Good luck in everything :)
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
