Remember not to beat yourself up over having urges if they were to ever start coming back. It's ok to have them and it doesn't make you a failure. **** happens, some emotions are hard to control, and what matters is how you cope and act; not the thoughts that pop up in your head. The goal in my view isn't to be urge free, but to know how to handle those urges healthily whenever they do occur. I do find they lessen overtime from personal experience though.
My last relapse was back in July after not self-harming for nearly a year. I felt so ashamed and pathetic for having those desires that I thought I might as well indulge. "I'm too old to be triggered again. I'm such a loser. Why not?" Essentially what I'm saying is to continue to be kind to yourself as it's easier to fall into destructive habits if you don't. Certainly not trying to be negative. I'm glad things are going better for you these days. Keep it up.
|