Self-harm urges

[Juniperi]

I haven't self-harmed for a long time, but urges are still there. It's particularly intense tonight. I feel like if I cut, the urges would go away. Don't want to deal with the consequences. Would love help with distractions. Sorry to ask for help.

[Voldemort]

Hey lovely, I hope you've managed not to do anything. Has anything helped in the past when you've had intense urges like these? You've been through a hell of a lot recently and it's understandable that a coping mechanism that served you for a long time is cropping up again as an option, but in reality you know it won't change anything.

[Juniperi]

Thank you for the reminder that it won't change anything. I KNOW this, but I don't FEEL it necessarily so it helps to have it reinforced. I haven't done anything and I won't, not tonight. Just feelings cropping up and attaching themselves to things they're not really connected to and it's overwhelming and such a head spin. Hope you're okay, lovely Amy.

[Sketchy]

Well done on not self harming for a long time. Give yourself credit for that. Unfortunately feeling triggered is something we all have to face, so perhaps you can come up with a plan of action for when you get these thoughts. What helps? Write a distraction list, be around people etc.

Are there any feelings that have led to these urges that you would benefit from talking about? Is there anything we can do to help you? If it's a case of being distracted then why not join us on the distraction thread in general chat. There are often people chatting there.

[Juniperi]

Thanks for the suggestion, Sketchy. I'll hop onto that thread next time. My name is Jill, by the way. Is there another name I should be using for you or is Sketchy the best one to use?

Today is a month since my sister died. The feelings I am having about it have been neither linear or predictable. Straight after she died, I felt like I was pumping on adrenaline and I was kind of okay.

Now it feels like sadness comes in sudden waves and is accompanied by anxiety and emptiness and questions about my worth, and the ups in between are weirdly euphoric.

These feelings are worse when I'm tired or alone and I feel like people will start expecting me to be okay soon so it's really hard to let things out when I'm trying to act fine.

[Sketchy]

Jill, you can call me Lorraine.

I'm so sorry about your sister. Grief is awful and isn't the same for everyone, so don't worry about how you should be feeling. And don't feel you have to be ok. You don't have to act fine. Do you have someone to support you through this? Other family members?

I wish I knew how best to help, but just now it's so early and the mix of emotions must be difficult. It takes time. I lost my mum two years ago, but I'm still grieving, although with the help of family and friends I'm managing. You can get through this too. Just allow yourself to go at your own pace. If you are not ok, then that is fine. Keep talking about how you feel. I remember I often wanted to scream and let the world know how unfair it was and how I was hurting. Let it out here. We are here to listen.

[Juniperi]

Thank you, Lorraine. I have family and friends, I am lucky in that. Your words here are a comfort too. I do feel I hold it all in and I feel the pressure to hold it all in more the more time that passes. That's probably where the urges to cut are coming out, because I'm holding onto tears.

[Sketchy]

Don't put yourself under pressure. If you need to cry then let it out. It's good you have family and friends. It's too easy to isolate yourself at a time like this, although sometimes some alone time is needed too.
Take care.