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Old 15-09-2014, 03:38 PM   #1
Kat_likes_flowers's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: US
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Stuck in a cycle between recovery&relapse

Every fall I start relapsing again and by winter I'm hospitalized.. Its been this way since for 4 years and each year seems to get worse and I'm feeling to happing again Im holding back tears while typing this because I feel so utterly helpless because this it probably gonna be the rest of my life and all I do is waste my mom and step dad's money with hospitals .. it gets harder and harder to fight it.. I stopped following my meal plan from my dietitian a few months ago and a few weeks ago I just stopped having lunch on the weekdays. and right now, after making my usual breakfast, I just cant have this either.. Im going down hill so fast and it doesn't even feel about changing my weight because I know I cant. idek what im doing.. and I honestly just don't even want to on this world.. my mom doesn't know what to do with me anymore.. and by writing this is making me feel that relapse is the better answer because there pretty much isn't any hope recovered or relapsed..

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Old 15-09-2014, 04:47 PM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Australia
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*hugs* I wish I had a magic answer but like you I'm struggling. Can you pinpoint what causes the relapses for you?
I hope that you can talk about it here because there is some pretty good support on this board. Sending love

So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn

Kamelot - A Sailorman's Hymn Lyrics

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Old 15-09-2014, 05:38 PM   #3
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Sending lots of love and strength to you. What made you recover from your relapses in the past? Maybe some of it will help this time too. And think about all the reasons there is for not wanting to relapse again. Dont loose hope. Hugs

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Old 15-09-2014, 08:06 PM   #4
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sending all the strenght to you, hoping you can make it this year.
is it something specific that triggers the relapse in this time of year? for me spring and summer are the "hard" months and i hate them so much i get so worked up over that time of the year that i get extremeley depressed and way more triggered than in fall or winter.
i hope you can work through it and by thinking of the people you love maybe avoid the complete relapse. can you tlak to anyone?

pain breeds wolves
joys give rise to moons

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Old 16-09-2014, 09:12 AM   #5
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if its the same time each year that you have the relaspe work with your therapist/ ED team and see if you can work out what it is about that time of year that triggers the relapse, trying to find the reason and working on that should help with the issue.

hopefully you can break the cycle

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Old 16-09-2014, 05:51 PM   #6
Join Date: Jul 2012
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I know it can feel that this is inevitable and that you have no choice etc but the truth is that you do.
Yes, you suffer from a horrible disorder which isn't going to go away all of a sudden but that doesn't mean that you have no control.
No-one else has made the choice to cut out lunches or following your meal-plan. If you can make the choice to stop doing these things then it is definitely possible to make a different choice- to start doing the right thing by yourself again, meal by meal and day by day. In fact, nobody else CAN make those choices for you (long-term anyway). It feels pointless and hopeless but it's not- and part of those feelings will be down to being physically unwell again through starvation.
Do the right things- talk to your team and get their encouragement in making this year different for yourself.

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