I feel like I’m drowning

[The Worst Witch]

My room is looking a bit tidier now, I threw out some old clothes too. I feel a bit better now that my room is tidy and hoovered, the only thing else I need to do today is to finish my application for DSA funding for next year. That’s it.

I do still feel really anxious but I’m pleased my room is at least sorted. The bathroom and the kitchen aren’t too bad, so all the places in the house that are my responsibility to do have been done for the week.

[Auror.]

A clean bedroom always makes me feel better too. It sounds like you actually did really well! I hope the rest of your day was okay too.

[The Worst Witch]

My bed collapsed in the night last night. It was only 6 months old, I got a new bed when we moved into the new flat just before Christmas. Thats another thing I have to sort out, I can’t afford a new bed so I might have to just sleep on my floor until I can afford a new one.

I was feeling a bit better but that and all the noise outside has tipped me over again. I actually just want to be dead if I have to live with this diagnosis forever

[Auror.]

Oh gosh. Can your dad or V help you sort it out? That sounds horrible.

I am unsure which diagnosis you are referring to but if it is the one I also have I can relate and it does really suck and make things more difficult sometimes. If not obviously ignore.

[The Worst Witch]

I was referring to the one we both have. It does suck, everything is amplified because of the sensory issues and I get so overwhelmed during the summer because of the change in temperature, people generally being outside more and the pressure of being outside. I understand I can’t ask the whole world to stop cutting theor grass (something that sends me into overload the most) or from sitting outaide our window.

Today has been better. I managed to scorea free bed from T, she’s going to see if her spare one still has all the nuts and bolts and if so, I can have it. I’m greatful.

[Auror.]

I'm glad you have such kind humans in your life to help and I hope the new bed works out.

And I absolutely relate to summer being so noisy. It's really awful. Not gonna lie, the grass cutting thing drives me totally mental. Insect noises too. UGH. I don't know if this is useful at all since you might need to keep your windows open, versus here we have central a/c. For me in at least in one room I always get super super thick blackout curtains and use the blinds. Sometimes I'll even do two layers of curtains. It actually does help to muffle and block out noise some. For me right now that is in the bedroom, so that it is always a little bit quieter in there and I try to make that be a sensory safe spot (i.e. quiet, dark, etc.). If covering the windows isn't possible, does having a fan on help at all? Or would it be worth trying to download a white noise app? They do make machines, but given apps are likely cheaper it might be worth trying?

[The Worst Witch]

Yes, T has been a real life line this year. We’ve only known each other since September last year, but already it feels like I’ve known her forever. I’m a bit anxious about what is going to happen next year at uni now she’s qualified and I’m not, she says she’ll help me but I just don’t know what its gonna be like not having her to talk to at lunch and things. Also, although I’m incredibly proud of her (and all my classmates) for passing last year, I feel jealous she’s qualified. That makes me sound horrible.

I do have blinds! I also have curtains because blinds are not enough to block out the noise/heat/light in the mornings. Tbf, it is slightly easier atm because its not that hot outside so people have stopped sitting in our communal garden getting drunk and listening to music loudly.

[Unbreakable.]

It doesn't make you sound horrible at all.
I feel like there's plenty of times when people are happy for others and still are also jealous because it is something they want/think they should have achieved the same.

How are things going?