I feel so dirty
and discusting
how could i let that many things happen
how could i let that many people do that?
i feel sick
i am sick
i mean...was it something i said...or a way i acted? why did they all just..juast do it, and why does no one care? Why, the first time, did mum just worrie about the house, why did she tell me off? it wasn't my fault. but then...maybe it was?
why does a house mean more to her than me? how can as many people know about it, and laugh about it.
because im a stupid idiot. i'm a dirty, dirty dirty idiot and a mean evil nasty cow.
i've brought it all on my self
all of it
~~~If you always watch the demonsbehind you,
you will never see the angels ahead. ~~~
If you're going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill
You did not bring this on yourself
you didnt say anything, or do anything to make anyone treat you that way.
You didnt let any of this happen.
People react differently when, your mum maybe didnt act in the most appropriate way, but did you tell her how her reaction made you feel? she might be stunned. some people react harshly or badly because they cant let the reality in. My family reacted the same way to my sister. She hates them for it, but i know that if my mum ever knew how what she had had that bigger effect that it did she would be horrfied.
I can't, i can't say it, not while i still live in the same house.
I don't want her to be hurt or uopset, it's not her fault this happened
but there were so many people that knew, 15 maybe, they all turned a blind eye to it, it's not just my mum
i was too young to even know what it was at the time
i didn't know people were supposed to react in any other way
which is why i just did what they did
blamed myself and pretended it never happened. for years.
~~~If you always watch the demonsbehind you,
you will never see the angels ahead. ~~~
If you're going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill
No of course its not her fault, the only persons fault it is s the person who did it.
People dont know how to react, so they just say nothing. what people do and how they feel are different, we dont show everything we feel. No-one does.
But i know how hard it must be, when no one reacts, to something that clearly is a big deal.
It just makes me wonder if I'm just over reacting, because so many people ignored it. And I know that's no body's fault, but if it really was a big deal, somebody would have done something, wouldn't they?
ps, thanks for taking the time
~~~If you always watch the demonsbehind you,
you will never see the angels ahead. ~~~
If you're going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill
yeah, i got really freaked out yesterday, panic attacks are horrible! it happens sometimes when i try and think about any of the 'things' if that makes sense?
~~~If you always watch the demonsbehind you,
you will never see the angels ahead. ~~~
If you're going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill
