You can do this Lillie! Things are difficult and hard but the alternative was difficult and hard. This is your option for a good tomorrow. You are strong and you can get through the next tough however long and there will be a future where you are in less pain. You have fought so hard over the last few weeks, you have been so brave and you can do this!
Maybe that feeling of being judged is something you could think about bringing up in therapy.
Lots of people don't have friends where they live, and for a whole range of different reasons. It doesn't mean you are any less of a worthy human being though. And like 99.9% of people won't even know you don't have friends in your area. Most people are too busy wrapped up there own lives to notice whats going on in anyone elses.
I bet the harshest person judging you, is actually yourself.
You are lovely Lillie and we are here for you <3
Remember if you are feeling unsafe, please ring The Cassel, they are there to help you through all these horrible feelings and thoughts as well.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
You do have friends, a lot of people care about you.
I understand though how hard it can be to not have them around physically. I have exactly ONE local friend and it makes me feel bad and lonely sometimes.
Call/text people throughout the day. If it is late at night and you don't want to phone/text people feel free to message me on here or on FB, you know me, up all night most of the time anyway.
Yep just wanted to drop by, echo what Lana said and let you know to please feel free to drop me a text anytime (probably a text is better than Facebook because you know what I'm like with that!) I think I can speak for anyone who knows you, has read this thread or replied to it that we're all thinking of you, but it's also understandable that sometimes you might just want to see your friends face to face and have some hugs! Many virtual hugs coming your way lovely. Do you have photos and things around your room from people who mean a lot to you? Do you think that might help or if you do does it help or not?
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.
It's hard because one girl left today for a break because she can't take it anymore. The whole community is struggling. And I cant. I just can't.
I want to go home and self harm and I'm not sure I'm ready to give up self harm. I know like jodie says I will just live the life of a chronic self harmer if I don't give this a go but I want to feel the high of pain.
I really empathise with how painful that can feel. If it's any reassurance at all, the community will have made it through these tough times many times before and will do so again. It's almost like an intense representation of the flow of life. I don't know what to suggest other than trying to go with it, because it will get better. Just in these moments, is bloody awful.
Remind yourself of how desperate you wanted to stay when you were worried you might not be allowed to. Hold on to that.
Even if right now you feel like you are not getting anything out of the Cassel, there is nothing you gain from leaving now other than going back to being alone at home exhausted and drained and in pain because of physical and mental illness, forcing yourself to work when you shouldn't until you throw up form the pain and being at high risk for harming yourself including the potential loss of limb. The Cassel surely is preferable to that even when it doesn't feel majorly useful atm.
Also, when I was in therapy I never felt like it helped at all. But a year or two later I actually caught myself being able to help myself using methods that I had learnt in therapy.
I know self harm is miserable but I've not found anything that gives that high and that relief. That stupidly great euphoric high is what I love.
I don't think I'm going to get anything out of life. I think I've lived over my years already. I want to harm. I want so much to just self harm. I'm not ready to give it up because nothing helps like it does and nothing replaces it. And I'm failing at therapy.