Beyond repair.

[chinahorse]

No one to take me anywhere.

Calling 111 wont achieve anything.

[Soft Kitty]

I imagine they get a few calls from people who are suffering with mental health difficulties and will have a plan in place. I don't have experience of calling them for mental health problems so I can't talk you through that, but it seems it might be worth a try?

I know my local crisis team will call a taxi for people to get to A&E if they can't. I'm not sure if this would be possible for you so I'm just throwing out ideas.

Otherwise, I do understand if reaching out doesn't feel possible. Sometimes it can feel like it will make things worse (I still advocate for giving it a go, though). Cuddling Bertie sounds like a good idea, have you had anything to eat this evening?

[chinahorse]

I don't want to waste their time. Or mine.

I cant even reach my foot to scratch it because I cant straighten my arm because of the burn scar. I cant even scratch my bloody foot

[chinahorse]

I had scrambled egg on toast

[Unbreakable.]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

Scrambled egg on toast sounds good :)

[Bellatrix]

How are you doing?

[chinahorse]

Very low. Planning when I can OD. Worst case scenario I do it and go to hospital at least its warm and they'd feed me for a few days. Best case scenario I die.

[Bellatrix]

Please go to the hospital. Don't OD. Tell them you are unsafe. If you can't afford the bus, call for an ambulance. You have every right to call one and you'd deserve that because your life is in danger. Call for help love x

[one_step_closer]

Are you feeling any better today? I'm glad you got through last night and I think you can keep going even though it might not feel like it. If you are in serious need of help then please phone 111 or 999. Is there someone you can contact tomorrow from the CMHT?

[chinahorse]

How I feel changes seemingly second by second.

Am seeing con and meeting a support worker Tuesday morning so not really a point in calling tomorrow.

[nonperson]

I think recognising that your moods change so rapidly is a good thing and that you could use that to remind yourself that feelings do pass. It might help to avoid being impulsive when having a particularly low moment?

[chinahorse]

That is true.

[one_step_closer]

I agree with NP although I know it is so difficult when you're immersed inside a powerful emotion. I used to have a computer wallpaper that said something like 'this feeling will pass, use coping list to get through' and I had a list of things to do to try and manage/distract. Is that something you could maybe try?

If you need to phone them tomorrow it's ok to do that even though you're seeing them on Tuesday. I hope you can express how things are for you on Tuesday and they offer you some useful support. Would it help to prepare things for Tuesday?

Edit: It said 'You can get through this it just takes time. See coping list to work through it.'

[chinahorse]

I'm in a very odd unbalanced place and I dont know what to do.

[one_step_closer]

Can you explain a bit more about how you're feeling?

[chinahorse]

QJust had a major showdown with my mother. It's the end of my relationship with her.

I'm happy and relieved but ashamed that I am a bad daughter. And worried about my relationship with my brother now.

[chinahorse]

I'm drinking many cups of tea because I dont know how to cope.

[one_step_closer]

Why do you think you're a bad daughter? Relationships are about more than one person, whatever's going on it needs your Mum to be doing something too. It sounds like things are difficult with your Mum a lot of the time and maybe you just need some space, or maybe it will be a longer term thing. Try not to worry too much about what the future might hold. Tea is good if it helps even a little, what are the things you feel you need to be coping with? What are your worries about your relationship with your brother?

[chinahorse]

Because it's not natural to tell your mother she no longer exists to you anymore.

I want to overdose and sleep. Because I cant deal with feelings.

He always sides with mother. Because I've never told him or dad or anyone in the family about the things she does and says to me and only me.

[one_step_closer]

I don't think that's an unreasonable response when you're not being treated well by her.

What feelings are you having, can you put them into words? Are there no soothing things you could try?

Maybe if your brother knew how your Mum makes you feel he would understand.