Beckie, i Think somewhere inside you probably know this but letting out more blood Will not help at all. It'll make you feel very poorly and cause an awfully long admission and it'll mean a lot of the nice things (or, as nice as they get in hospital....) Will be taken away.
I know it is real to you but it only is to you. Everyone else is pretty freaked out and worried about you accidentally killing yourself. Is there someone you can talk to when he voices get loud and the impulses become strong???
Thanks zurg
I really don't want to let all my blood out but it feels like the only way.
I just talked to the nurse on my 1:1 about the voices being loud. She said to come and watch TV so I have.
I was trying to sleep but I couldn't.
I'm so tired.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
hopefully you are able to get some sleep. also glad you were able to talk to the nurse.
if the voices lessened in intensity, do you think you might not have to act on the thoughts? hopefully that is something the humans there can help figure out a way to do.
i'm really proud of you for being honest and asking for help. i know you didn't want to be in hospital but it sounds like you are trying your best to work with them and that is really good and something to be proud of.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
When the voices lessen, the contamination worries tend to lessen too though, right? That must be way nicer - not spending all day with everything in you focused on that.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you Beckie, hopefully they can help you quickly and get you home.
I'm really impressed with how you spoke to your nurse last night too - that takes a lot of guts.
Hoping ward round is productive. Will be thinking of you at 10am.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I was wondering why you were mostly able to stay safe at home but not you're in hospital you've self harmed? You used your own strength and the support of others at home, are you not doing that on the ward? I'm sorry if that sounds bitchy, I'm not being a bitch just wondering what helps you stay safe.
I hope ward round goes well. Do you know what you'd like from it?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
That's not bitchy lindsay.
It's because the A&E department is in the next building. So there's more chance of being saved if I were to let all my blood out. At home I'd have to wait for an ambulance and then the 25 minute journey to hospital. So my chances of survival are much higher here.
I wanted to come off 1:1 and my section but neither of those happened.
They want to move me back to the ward I was on last time because they know me.
The consultant was very nice at least.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
If you're planning on saving yourself each time, maybe it's better not to cut no matter what the voices say? I'm pleased you don't want to die and you are trying to fight this way but there much be a better way to fight that isn't harmful.
How would you feel about moving to the other ward? I'm glad the consultant was nice.
Sending good wishes.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I just need to let the blood out. Then they can put new blood in and it will be ok.
I don't particularly want to move because then I'll have to explain everything all over again.
But I know I'll be moving no matter what.
But at least I'm far less likely to be on 1:1 in the other ward. So that's a good thing
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
How would the contamination get into your blood? And why would someone else’s blood not be contaminated? In theory contamination should be less now you’ve cut yourself, so the urge should be a bit less?
The consultant won't take me off the section or 1:1
Section runs out tomorrow so reviewing it again tomorrow.
He said he is flummoxed and ended with 'this is getting silly now ' which hurt quite a bit.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
