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Old 15-01-2019, 08:34 AM   #181
chinahorse
 
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Beginning to think I should just end it all properly and fully.

Sleeping helped a bit. I'm so so fatigued. On my way to work now. I know I should have showered but so much energy.

Meeting cpn today. Let's see how rubbish that is.



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Old 15-01-2019, 10:04 AM   #182
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Hope it goes as well as possible with your CPN. *hugs gently if wanted*



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 15-01-2019, 03:29 PM   #183
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I hope your CPN is helpful x

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Old 15-01-2019, 04:18 PM   #184
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I really hope your CPN hears you and gives you whatever support you need.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 15-01-2019, 06:56 PM   #185
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Cpn wasnt that helpful. Said the psychology and dbt people would contact me for an assessment. Said they may expedite things so I'm not on a waiting list. Doesn't give me any support now though.

Need to shower and eat and play with the cat and tidy my front room and I'm nearly in tears on the bus at how much I have to do.

Badly want to cut again. The receptionist at a and e knows who I am.



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Old 15-01-2019, 07:03 PM   #186
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Maybe things being expedited can give you a little bit of hope though.

Is there anything you think you can do to avoid cutting?

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Old 15-01-2019, 07:07 PM   #187
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Doesn't help me now though. Haven't even had the assessment which they could say no in.

I don't know. I'm tired and need to clean the house and shower.



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Old 15-01-2019, 07:07 PM   #188
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There is no hope for me. Is there? None.



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Old 15-01-2019, 07:22 PM   #189
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There is always hope. It can be hard to see it yourself sometimes though, but I promise it is there.

What will help you right now then?

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Old 15-01-2019, 08:14 PM   #190
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I've washes myself and my hair and fed the cat.

What'd help is a few days off work with crisis working on coping strategies and people to call when I'm stressed and can't cope.

Right now I'm knackered but wanna cut still. Like so tired I can't see straight.



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Old 15-01-2019, 08:21 PM   #191
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Are there other helplines or something you could call? I know they might not be able to help as such but they would listen. I also don't have any particular ones to suggest, sorry.

Well done for getting some stuff done while being so tired. Is it time for some rest? Or it's never too early for bed when you're super tired.

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Old 15-01-2019, 08:27 PM   #192
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This might be a really dumb question to ask, and I promise I'm asking because I legitimately don't remember, not because I'm trying to have a go at you or insult you. I know you are trying. I'm wondering if when you were in the therapeutic community you learned any type of coping skills that you could look back on or use? I know you didn't get a lot out of it and I can't really remember specifics of what they did there.



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Old 15-01-2019, 11:44 PM   #193
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At the cassel they would say yo talk to someone and tell them my thoughts and feelings.

I've slept for 2 hours. Woke up. Want to self harm badly. More than I want sleep. More than anything. I know I need to sleep again. And go to work tomorrow. It's hard to care.



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Old 16-01-2019, 03:22 AM   #194
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Why do you want to self harm? What will the result be?





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Old 16-01-2019, 04:25 AM   #195
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I hope you managed to stay safe and go back to sleep. <3



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But till I try, I'll never know


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Old 16-01-2019, 08:26 AM   #196
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The result will be damage and an escape from my head. The voices are back intemittently and I'm finding it hard to deal with. The damage appeases them. The damage means hopefully someone in my real life (if that makes sense) who is in a position to help me will.

I didn't self harm but didn't sleep well thpugh I did sleep.



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Old 16-01-2019, 10:13 PM   #197
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I can't keep doing this.
Am in a and e again.
It's busy again.
Hours and hours wait again.
It's rubbish. I'm rubbish.
Feel really stuck and low and out of ideas guys.



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Old 18-01-2019, 02:24 PM   #198
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Did you get sorted at A&E? Things will get better x

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Old 19-01-2019, 09:12 PM   #199
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I did get sorted. And had a few hours sleep before work which was good. The triage psych liason was horrible so I declined their input.

Struggling with the cmht. Meant to have had 2 phone calls to make 2 separate appointments and had neither. How am I meant to believe these people have my best interests at heart?

I'm so fatigued.



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Old 23-01-2019, 03:05 PM   #200
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Have you heard from anyone yet? I'm sorry people are being so useless. How are you doing?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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