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View Poll Results: Is it weird not to have sex before marriage?
Yes 12 16.22%
No 55 74.32%
MOAR LESBIANS 17 22.97%
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Old 19-02-2013, 10:17 PM   #41
griddlebone
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I can't imagine that would really happen, maybe I'm just naive. But from my limited sexual experience and discussions with friends, sexual satisfaction appears to be at its maximum in loving, openly honest relationships, not girth or sexual bonding. Therefore I struggle to imagine how sex could be an issue in a loving and openly honest relationship. I would suggest couples therapy (or sex therapy) if sex wasn't enjoyable within a marriage (or any relationship on that point)

In addition, sex is not the be-all and end-all of a good, healthy relationship. I'd be quite shocked if someone broke up with the love of their life because the sex wasn't good....
I agree so much!x




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Old 19-02-2013, 10:21 PM   #42
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I can't imagine that would really happen, maybe I'm just naive. But from my limited sexual experience and discussions with friends, sexual satisfaction appears to be at its maximum in loving, openly honest relationships, not girth or sexual bonding. Therefore I struggle to imagine how sex could be an issue in a loving and openly honest relationship. I would suggest couples therapy (or sex therapy) if sex wasn't enjoyable within a marriage (or any relationship on that point)

In addition, sex is not the be-all and end-all of a good, healthy relationship. I'd be quite shocked if someone broke up with the love of their life because the sex wasn't good....
I do actually very much agree!
Was just asking because I know for some people sex is VERY important in relationships and having a healthy sex life is a deciding factor in some people's relationships.

I personally wouldn't enjoy sex with someone I didn't know and care about. It would be a very uncomfortable thing. But I know that some people (and there is nothing wrong with it!) want to have sex with more people and do it as an enjoyment thing, rather than a loving experience. Like, I know there are people who only agree with sex after marriage, or for procreation, and likewise on the other end there are people who view sex as a purely physical enjoyment thing and do it often and freely with different people.

Guess it's down to your personal opinions on the subject!!


Last edited by Bellatrix : 19-02-2013 at 10:22 PM. Reason: wrong quoting



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Old 19-02-2013, 10:46 PM   #43
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I suppose some incompatibilities could be compromised to make them less of an issue, I suppose also sometimes you might be willing to forgo something you enjoy to be with someone you love, and it wouldn't necessarily be resented. Although admittedly I've no real first hand knowledge of being in a committed relationship to then find out there were sexual incompatibilities.

I think the main problem for people is the reverse. People have sex and think its love - yum - they get married. Then after being married a few years they realize they didn't love each other at all. That's when the resentment sets in - and often the divorces etc. Married people are famous for not having sex anymore because they barely even like each other lol.

I admit sex could be a problem if two people get married and then the (say) the guy turns out to be twisted. But if people look for character in a person and test it over time that's not likely. I mean if a guy has 50 gigs of porn on his computer watch out!

Also tricky is the situation where (say) a woman goes along with sex but secretly resents it. Then one day the guy figures out she hates him. That happens a lot. There are also the abuse situations where a girl was mistreated and can feel compelled to lend herself to being abused - feeling its "what she deserves" etc. That woman will also hate the guy (and herself) who falls (selfishly) into that. If a guy resists that out of wisdom and real love she might not like it at first but that's how he can transcend the trap and get to another part of the girl (which often doesn't even know exists).

Sex has powerful relation to overall psyche. That's why people suffer so much from misuse of it. Not that everything is a "problem". There's just a right way and wrong way to go about things if you want to be more thoughtful. The media makes sex out to be recreational etc and that's a trap imo.

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Old 19-02-2013, 10:59 PM   #44
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^You did mean 'with', right Jack?!




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Old 19-02-2013, 11:12 PM   #45
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"With" who lol?

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Old 19-02-2013, 11:23 PM   #46
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I don't find it weird at all. I have a lot of friends who are waiting or did wait until marriage, or at least until they knew they were going to marry the person, mostly due to their religious upbringings. Actually, outside of religion I can't think of anyone that I know that bothered waiting...

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Old 19-02-2013, 11:47 PM   #47
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I agree, I was sort of talking more in regards to couples who have been together a while and marry without having sex beforehand, so the love (I assume) would be there before the physical side of the relationship. Although my assumption may be rather simplistic.





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Old 20-02-2013, 12:18 AM   #48
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I agree, I was sort of talking more in regards to couples who have been together a while and marry without having sex beforehand, so the love (I assume) would be there before the physical side of the relationship. Although my assumption may be rather simplistic.
No that makes sense. Something in your other post made me think of something else and I "over-replied" lol

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Old 20-02-2013, 02:08 AM   #49
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I know a lot of guys who have waited until well into their 20s to have sex, I think women are more likely to admit it.




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Old 20-02-2013, 04:11 AM   #50
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Yes, personally I find it bizarre.
Like, you can kiss, hug, fondle etc all you want, but not actually place penis into vagina until you sign a bit of paper? Like wtf? What's the point?
Also agree with the angle that you might marry, find out your spouse is actually really **** at sex, and spend your life sad, resentful and dissatistfied. Then tempting you into an affair :p

I get that people do it for religious reasons but still fail to see the point. Thou shalt not kill, understand it. Be nice to each other, understand it. Pray to your god, understand it. Don't enjoy a natural instinct and have fun? Don't understand it.
Why would jesus hate me for having sex? I thought god wanted people to go forth and procreate?



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Old 20-02-2013, 08:41 AM   #51
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Personally I think the original reasons for waiting until marriage are sound. Because at the time there wasn't really much contraception so if you did have sex before marriage you risked getting pregnant etc (and then were often forced to marry the person anyway!)

So sex was pretty risky back then. And I guess the waiting til marriage advice was a way to try to protect against unwanted pregnancy and/or syphilis and other nasties!

These days with contraception etc we can have sex before marriage with less risk, so the old advice is kind of outdated, and I don't really think its a big deal if people do that.

Although I guess strict Catholics also don't agree with contraception so they still risk pregnancy and so I guess are more inclined to wait until marriage.


Last edited by makedamnsure : 20-02-2013 at 09:05 AM.


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Old 20-02-2013, 08:59 AM   #52
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The vast majority of people I know who have waited/are waiting arent even religious, theres a really large group of people who are waiting for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with religion.




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Old 20-02-2013, 09:03 AM   #53
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Originally Posted by effervescence View Post
Yes, personally I find it bizarre.
Like, you can kiss, hug, fondle etc all you want, but not actually place penis into vagina until you sign a bit of paper? Like wtf? What's the point?
Also agree with the angle that you might marry, find out your spouse is actually really **** at sex, and spend your life sad, resentful and dissatistfied. Then tempting you into an affair :p

I get that people do it for religious reasons but still fail to see the point. Thou shalt not kill, understand it. Be nice to each other, understand it. Pray to your god, understand it. Don't enjoy a natural instinct and have fun? Don't understand it.
Why would jesus hate me for having sex? I thought god wanted people to go forth and procreate?
Well, the point is that once you sign that bit of paper you are promising to stay with that one person forever, at least if youre religious. Therefore youre vowing to only having sex with one person in your life and thats the person youre committed to for life. For a lot of people, especially religious people marriage isn't just a piece of paper.

Its not about Jesus hating people for having sex, thats a pretty over simplistic analysis. Its about finding one person, staying with person, making commitment to said person and then procreating with said person.




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Old 20-02-2013, 09:35 AM   #54
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hmm. Could not wait.

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Old 20-02-2013, 09:51 AM   #55
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No that makes sense. Something in your other post made me think of something else and I "over-replied" lol
No worries :)

I think in regards to being bad at sex when you do finally have sex with your spouse, there's always the prospect at becoming better. As you get to know what your partner likes and doesn't like, the physical enjoyment would naturally increase.





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Old 20-02-2013, 09:58 AM   #56
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I think this is definitely a very much each to their own situation. I personally don't find it weird at all, though I can understand why others would, because most people I know find me a strange being for wanting to wait!

It's not necessarily because of my naivety though. When I was 11, my best friend at the time (who was 12) had just had sex, and went into intimate detail about it. I've known about the 'bizzness' for a while :P



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Old 20-02-2013, 10:20 AM   #57
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No I don't think it is weird at all, I think everyone should be free to choose to have sex when they want. Personally I couldn't wait till marriage to have sex



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Old 20-02-2013, 10:30 AM   #58
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I had sex before marriage and I wish I hadn't. even though we have good contraception it's not 100% protective so there's always a risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. On top of this sex includes giving someone complete access to your body, and most likely a lot of your emotions. it's just so personal and intimate and so to me it seems unwise to allow that access to someone who doesn't mean a lot to you.

I don't think you necessarily have to wait until marriage but I just think it's a good mark of commitment... I'm currently not waiting until marriage but I'm in a committed relationship and plan to spend my life with her.


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Old 20-02-2013, 11:15 AM   #59
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Well, the point is that once you sign that bit of paper you are promising to stay with that one person forever, at least if youre religious. Therefore youre vowing to only having sex with one person in your life and thats the person youre committed to for life. For a lot of people, especially religious people marriage isn't just a piece of paper.

Its not about Jesus hating people for having sex, thats a pretty over simplistic analysis. Its about finding one person, staying with person, making commitment to said person and then procreating with said person.
Would totally buy all that if people didnt get divorced at the drop of a hat nowadays.

I think if a person is untrustworthy, and is going to play with your feelings/cheat on you, they'll prove that eventually, married or not.





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Old 20-02-2013, 11:30 AM   #60
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Maybe it depends on specific regions and their marrying traditions? In some places people get married really young, and so waiting isn't really that much of an issue, whereas in others people are waiting longer and longer to get married (if they get married at all!) and so no sex might be a bit more of a problem.

However, yes, for me generally sex is better with someone I actually like. But to each his own.

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