I can't remember. there is a lot going on at home too. ugh im either starving or Binging and i hate it.. i can hardly bare to be at home right now :( going to work now then going to his house. i i spoke to him and he is letting me have something small so there's less chance me doing it. im just worried at this rate i will fail my exams in june and not go to university :( x x
I'm a bit confused by your post but you sound very distressed, exams are very important, but there isn't a way for you to do your best on them if you're so absorbed within your eating disorder love. what's most important right now is your health and how you are feeling. i hope everything goes well darling! hope you are alright! <33 hope today is a bit less stressful, i understand how things can get, what's going on at home that's causing you anxiety/stress?
I can usually force myself to eat properly around exams so i guess i will be okay. i went to boy friends house and wanted to purge he did physically hold onto me so i couldn't. . bless. worried that im gonna start doing it though :( guess ItS a way of coping with family life at the moment eh? x x
Well that's good, at least for exams anyway. It sounds like your boyfriend is supportive, but there is only so much he can do for you love. If you're worried, you should seek proper help, if there wasn't something wrong there, you wouldn't feel this way. It's not a way of coping, it's a way of making things worse, and adding more stress and problems on top of what you are already dealing with. hope you're ok and have a nice easter! <33
thanks hun
I know, I went to the toilet after dinner today to purge and I began to but I had to stop was too worried my family would come upstairs or be wondering why I'm taking so long, and my parents aren't THAT stupid tbh.
I have my ED appt Friday so I gotta decide exactly what I'm gonna tell her
Hope your easter is going ok
xxx
yeah mine went alright, went to church.
it's good you stopped yourself. why did you feel the need to purge, what was going in your mind when you ran to the toilet in the first place?
hope the appointment goes well, I would recommend writing down everything you've been telling me and writing on these boards. try and be as open and honest as you can, they can't help you properly if they don't know the extent to which you are suffering. lemme know how it goes! hope your easter went well! <33
good I'm glad :)
Well I just felt so uncomfortable and full with all that disgusting food in my stomach, and didn't want it inside me anymore :/
Thanks I will let you know
xxx
I'm staying at my best mates house tonight and going to play basketball haha..
I told her I'm not doing too well with food at the mo', I'm not sure she understands..but she's wanting to get a takeaway and I'm worried :/ Guess I can get away with only eating a little bit of it?
I've missed our chats sweetie,, I'm so sorry to hear your struggling
Why don't you think she understands? Maybe if you try to explain that a take away is the last thing on your mind right now, but you will try & eat some of it? Maybe she'll take it easy?
Helen baby. i've missed talking to you so much! yeah i'll try to tell Her i don't want to be purging at her house like i did last time >.< ah so nervous :( x x
Coffee is really going to mess with your intestines, it's so oily, and with no food in your system, that's only making things worse.
you don't NEED to fast, in fact you need to be doing the opposite. you aren't able to think clearly or straight when you are fasting. your judgement becomes all sloppy. how are you doing now love? does your friend understand now how badly you've been doing and struggling? <33
also, when you're 'full' with food, it will be uncomfortable at first, but the feeling of 'fullness' does pass. when you feel 'full' with food you need to survive and function properly, what does that mean for you?
Yeah I did fast but had some food after..
She isn't aware.
Things have been up & down, and am gonna tell ED services tomorrow that I want to leave, and have discussed this with my boyfriend, he says okay and today I have done really well I've eaten loadsss and all of it was unsafe food but I'm telling myself it's okay, part of me is saying fast tomorrow but gonna try ignore that thought train.
I'm full with food right now but I have noticed that when I fasted I was reallllyyy moody, down and irritable with everyone but when I'm eating "normally" I am happier and don't snap at people and in the long run I'd rather be happy with friends than wasting away without friends and just miserable.
Ah I dunno, guess I'll see how tomorrow goes. I'm worried about the weigh in cos I know I will have gained just worried by how much, I'd rather not see tbh :/ My weight is now probably just over anorexic weight.
xx
it's bad that you fasted, but good that you ate after at least.
"I'm full with food right now but I have noticed that when I fasted I was reallllyyy moody, down and irritable with everyone but when I'm eating "normally" I am happier and don't snap at people and in the long run I'd rather be happy with friends than wasting away without friends and just miserable.
Ah I dunno, guess"
These are some pretty great revelations you are having!
well done on conquering your 'unsafe' foods love! you know a healthy diet includes a variety of food groups, and everything is fabulous in moderation! don't deprive your body or yourself of the food/nourishment you need and deserve!
It's great that you're so motivated at the moment, you will have both bad and good days, and it's great that you're trying to ignore the anorexic thoughts/behaviors.
However I really think you could use support along your way, is there a way you could at least figure out a meal plan with a nutritionist/dietitian and speak to a social worker/counselor/psychologist/therapist or something along those lines every week or two, just to ensure you have support along the way. your boyfriend sounds sweet, but he can only do so much for you love.
perhaps ask to not see the number when you get weighed? you know it will only trigger you, regardless of what it is, and that is something you really don't need right now, what with how much better you've seemed to be feeling lately, it'll only get you down love. Keep in mind any weight you've gained is necessary to function properly and live your life in a happy and healthy way. hope all is going well lovie! <33
Eh it's all changed again, my thoughts towards it change like the weather hahaha.
I feel pretty digusted with myself right now, and I dont even feel "ill" to have to recover from anything, but I know rationally this isn't right.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggers suicide
Right now I just want to die which is probably why I'm not motivated tbh...
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