Live Help


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 10-10-2019, 05:01 PM   #1
DarkHorse19
Lou
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Anyone been SI Free for years then relapsed?

13 years free of SI, I'm in my 30s now, generally been 'fine' without it, didn't think about it much in later years. Suddenly in the last week, something has shifted in my mindset and SI-ing is ALL I can think about.

What's weird is no event has happened to trigger it - that I'm aware of - but somethings definitely changed in my head and I'm really struggling. I feel like I can't sit still, my brain and body on overdrive, then other days I don't want to get out of bed at all. I do because I have to for my family, but it's a struggle. To outsiders my life would seem great, and I've no idea where this has come from but I'm mentally exhausted.

I guess I'm interested if this happened to anyone else here too. Any reassurance would be great. I'm scared my life is going to unravel.

DarkHorse19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2019, 05:24 PM   #2
nonperson
 
nonperson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: London-ish
I am currently:

Yes I was free for about 9 years and then went back to it, although I did have an event that sort of triggered it but it was a while after that I SI'd again.

13 years free is amazing. What helped you to stop last time? I think it's important that you seek help now before you get to that point of SI-ing and unravelling. Equally though the feelings may pass. They are thoughts that you don't have to act on. Do you have anyone you could maybe talk to about this?

nonperson is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2019, 06:35 PM   #3
DarkHorse19
Lou
 
Join Date: Oct 2019

Thanks for your reply =]
A mixture of things helped me last time, it was mainly timing of some good things happening around the same time which made it easier for me to stop and keep looking forward, rather than backward. My family found out which was excruciatingly embarrassing and painful for everyone. I acknowledged I was very low and tried to open up about my feelings. Then a year of so after I'd stopped I met a guy (who I later married) who accepted my past and though he doesn't understand it, he is loving and supportive. I really don't think I can talk to anyone in my life about this, it would scare them and they wouldn't understand. They might question my ability to look after my child and that would be awful. In addition to them not understanding, I would also then not be able to SI if I wanted to because they'd be looking out for it the whole time and I'd feel even more guilty if they knew I had done it. I'm not saying I'm going to, but knowing I have the freedom to do it if I want to helps me. I hope that makes sense.
You're words are helpful, in particular the fact the feelings may pass and that they are feelings I don't have to act on gives me some control back again. Thank you so much for listening, I really appreciate it.

Well done on your nine years free. Nine years is a long time.

DarkHorse19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2019, 06:35 PM   #4
tamobhuuta
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: U.K.
I am currently:

I went 5 years free, I really regret relapsing. All I can say is keep fighting and well done for asking for help here. Maybe ask for help in real life as well?



with Christ I hang upon the cross

tamobhuuta is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2019, 06:50 PM   #5
nonperson
 
nonperson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: London-ish
I am currently:

I'm glad you found my comment helpful!

Could you talk to your husband? He might be less scared if you say it's just thoughts, rather than him finding out when it's got to the point of actual self harm.

Would the guilt and embarrassment be enough of an incentive not to do it? Also a positive incentive would also be your child. Have you got any other good things going on at the moment or in the future that would help to distract from the feelings?

nonperson is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2019, 07:38 PM   #6
DarkHorse19
Lou
 
Join Date: Oct 2019

Quote:
Originally Posted by tamobhuuta View Post
I went 5 years free, I really regret relapsing. All I can say is keep fighting and well done for asking for help here. Maybe ask for help in real life as well?
Thank you Tamobhuuta. I think you are right and I should ask for help or talk to someone. Its scary feeling like this. I think I need to give myself a break. I need to distract myself and keep busy until either the feelings pass or when I reach my self-set deadline of still feeling like this is ten days, then I really need to speak to someone. Its so hard. I really appreciate your help. Well done on your five years and I'm sorry you relapsed. Recovery is a process, stay strong and don't beat yourself up when things go wrong.

DarkHorse19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2019, 07:51 PM   #7
DarkHorse19
Lou
 
Join Date: Oct 2019

Quote:
Originally Posted by nonperson View Post
I'm glad you found my comment helpful!

Could you talk to your husband? He might be less scared if you say it's just thoughts, rather than him finding out when it's got to the point of actual self harm.

Would the guilt and embarrassment be enough of an incentive not to do it? Also a positive incentive would also be your child. Have you got any other good things going on at the moment or in the future that would help to distract from the feelings?
Thanks nonperson. I think he's the most likely to not freak out, and particularly if I say it's just thoughts as you said. Actually I don't have any specific things to look forward to, so I think I need to plan some things in. Good idea. Then its a case of distracting myself. It's so weird that I don't know whats brought these feelings on. I wish counselling / CBT was more accessible. I can't afford to go private and NHS wait times are ridiculous.

I already feel a little better just from typing the words out and having you kind people understand and try to help. I wish it wasn't such a difficult subject to talk about in real life.

DarkHorse19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2019, 07:56 PM   #8
nonperson
 
nonperson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: London-ish
I am currently:

I've been told before that free online counselling is a thing and quite good. I don't know any specific details unfortunately but could find out if you would like?

Good to hear you feel a bit better. It can lighten the burden just by sharing things sometimes.

nonperson is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2019, 08:45 PM   #9
DarkHorse19
Lou
 
Join Date: Oct 2019

I've not heard of the online counselling nonperson, if you could find some details that would be great. Thank you =]

DarkHorse19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON
Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 03:18 PM.

Back to top