My sister

[one_step_closer]

I think a lot of people have a specific time in the day when they feel worse. Maybe you could keep that in mind so you can tell yourself that the urges should lessen. I hope you're doing ok today.

[tamobhuuta]

I feel much better today. I don't think it helped that I forgot my morning meds yesterday! Once I caught up the urges lessened.

[one_step_closer]

Ah, that's good. Are you usually quite good with remembering to take your meds?

[tamobhuuta]

I would say most days I get it right. I have a box with my doses in it and that helps.

[one_step_closer]

Brilliant. Keep up the good work.

[tamobhuuta]

Thanks for your support x

[tamobhuuta]

My head is telling me that I am intrinsically evil. I need to explode my evil soul. What do I do?

[one_step_closer]

I don't see anything about you that would make me think you're evil. I think you should try and focus on the opposite of evil, and what good things you already do and what good things you can do. We all have bits of bad in us anyway but it doesn't mean we need to be destroyed.

[tamobhuuta]

I feel... I don't know how I feel. Bad, guilty? Been distracting, getting tired.

[one_step_closer]

I know those negative feelings, it doesn't mean you are bad though. Well done for keeping going with the distractions. Would it help to talk to your Mum? I know that sometimes she can offer some reassurance.

[tamobhuuta]

Yeah I texted her and she was lovely, helped me look at the evidence. I'm just finding it hard to believe anyone.

[one_step_closer]

It can be hard to believe people, but why would she lie to you? I know thoughts are hard to fight at times but those thoughts aren't always the truth.

[tamobhuuta]

My therapist used to remind me of that, that feelings and thoughts are not fact. This feels so real though.

I don't think mum is intentionally lying but she can't see my soul.

[one_step_closer]

Feelings are really powerful so if they are attached to a thought no wonder it feels like the truth. I understand. Is there a safe way to dampen down the feelings?

[tamobhuuta]

I made hot chocolate to soothe myself. And I'm distracting from deep thoughts. I cleared the kitchen to prove I wasn't evil but that was for my own benefit so doesn't count as good.

[one_step_closer]

Well done, it sounds like you're trying really hard. Keep going.

[one_step_closer]

How are you today?

[tamobhuuta]

Struggling. I've got an appointment with my CPN tomorrow, not sure how to explain myself.

[one_step_closer]

Sorry you're struggling. I'm glad you will be seeing your CPN tomorrow though, will you write things like you have done before?

[tamobhuuta]

Yeah I've written some stuff.