I miss my mum

[The Worst Witch]

Hi

I’ve been getting on relatively well with my mums death, considering. She died of colon cancer (a week after she was diagnosed with it) in October 2017. I’m staying with my dad at the moment, and I don’t know if that’s why all of a sudden all these feelings have come up, or if it’s because I had my first session of bereavement counselling on Wednesday.
Either way, I feel awful and I don’t know what to do.

[one_step_closer]

I'm sorry you're feeling awful. I can understand, my Mum died too. There might be lots of things that bring up these feelings at different times but 2017 isn't really that long ago. How did the bereavement counselling go? Are you able to talk to your Dad or someone else about how you're feeling?

[The Worst Witch]

I told him I felt sad and he gave me a hug, but I think sometimes that just reminds him he’s sad too. He’s going out in a wee while so I think he didn’t really want to engage with me before he went out.

Counselling was ok. It was an introductory session so I still need to wait a wee while until they can see me regularly. The woman I saw was hard to talk to, she didn’t smile and I didn’t know if she was annoyed about what I was saying or not.

[one_step_closer]

It is hard to talk to family members sometimes when you worry about upsetting them. Would you try talking to him again if you need to?

Maybe the counsellor was trying to stay neutral and composed, I don't think she would have been annoyed at what you were saying. How long do you have to wait until you can have regular counselling?

[The Worst Witch]

Probably not, no. I love him and all but he’s hard to talk to, he either panics l (that’s why he doesn’t know about the abuse I suffer), dismisses me and tells me I’m being silly or gets upset. There have been occasional times when he has listened, but those almost exclusively happen through text.

They said September. They didn’t put my availability down as flexible, because I don’t know what days I’ll be in college this year. That means I’ll have to wait slightly longer than someone who has flexible availability.

[one_step_closer]

How have you been doing?

[The Worst Witch]

Things are still a bit overwhelming. I’m meant to be going back to college soon and I can’t even manage getting up at a sensible time atm, never mind showering and all the other self care stuff you need to do in order to be a functional member of society.

[one_step_closer]

When is it you're going back? Can anyone help you with the essentials?

[The Worst Witch]

I don’t know yet, I haven’t heard anything from the tutors. I did message one of my course mates and she has no idea either, supposedly the semester starts on the 9th of September but I have no idea when induction, enrolment etc are. I presume they’ll let us know soon.

Mm, not really. I’m working on my sleep at the moment but it’s not really going anywhere.

[The Worst Witch]

Everything is ****. I can’t stop dreaming about my mum and I just am really sad. I’m running out of ideas for distractions

[one_step_closer]

I'm sorry you're feeling really sad. Is there a positive way you can acknowledge the importance of your Mum and try and help yourself to heal a bit?