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Old 17-07-2019, 11:09 PM   #1
Fire Fly
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I hate crumbling.

I just feel so sad. Itís like I try so dam hard to put things into place to prevent me getting low but I think that literally I have nothing. I hate how it feels that the one close friend I had Iíve lost. I see her on social media so happy and I feel alone. I really feel it lately and like she treated me really bad but that was fine until I said something.

I just feel so sad that Iím struggling with this time of year and it seems I always get low now and I want to be able to move on but I trapped with anniversaries. I feel as if I will never move on like I want to soooo badly.

My partner keeps cycling in his mood. Jumping from mania to dysthymia. I canít support him and also put myself first. I canít juggle this and I am crumbling and I feel I have no one to talk to anymore. I feel like Iím fighting a constant internal battle that Iím gradually losing. I want to self harm so much. I havenít felt like this since this time last year Iím so angry I feel like this!



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The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln


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Old 18-07-2019, 09:26 AM   #2
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You're going through a lot, try not to be so down on yourself. You deserve kindness not anger.

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Old 19-07-2019, 08:28 AM   #3
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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Considering all you are going through I think you are doing incredibly well to cope despite the fact that it's a struggle.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

[''There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'I wish I was the monster you think I am.'


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Old 27-07-2019, 12:14 AM   #4
Fire Fly
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Sorry for the late reply. I have been reading but it’s so hard to plod along and pretend nothing is wrong. I just can’t keep going anymore. It’s so difficult.



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The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln


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Old 02-08-2019, 04:51 PM   #5
one_step_closer
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Do you have to pretend that nothing is wrong, or is there someone you could turn to? You have a lot to deal with, with your own health and your partner's and you deserve some support.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 05-08-2019, 11:02 AM   #6
Fire Fly
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Ultimately I don’t want to appear weak because then it shows how I actually feel that I can’t cope. I just feeling that everything is hard. I wake up so tearful, I go to sleep tearful. I just think things are getting harder.

I literally don’t have anyone anymore. The only friend I had doesn’t want to know me anymore. She was amazing but then she started to threaten suicide to me and then she didn’t want to talk about anything other than feeling crap and shot. There’s more to friendship then how you are ultimately feeling. And I couldn’t deal with the constant ness of her. I just felt I was carer.

I do feel alone and I actually hate feeling like this. People say I’m depressed but am I depressed if I don’t feel suicidal that I’m going to kill myself? I just fed so down and hopeless and just think it would be better without me.



Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar

Call me R -


The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln


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Old 08-08-2019, 08:29 PM   #7
one_step_closer
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Would you consider phoning the CMHT to see if you could get some support? It's not weak to need help at all. Maybe getting some help would mean you felt better able to cope and like you didn't have to pretend any more.

Depression is tough whether you feel suicidal or not, being suicidal isn't a 'must' to mean that you have depression and need some support. You are obviously hurting and I'd hope that someone could be there for you.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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