Contains abuse - I Don't Know
For a few months now, I have been trying to sort out whether or not, my mother is actually abusive towards me. After so long and after my friends constantly telling me that she is in fact abusive, I still can't settle on a definitive answer.
When I was younger, before my hospitalization for my suicide attempt, I did claim that she was abusive towards me. Afterwards, my friends back then had told me that my mother got on my IM accounts while I was in the hospital and told them she was not like that. They believed her and told me she wasn't. So I stopped claiming that she was abusive.
Years later, I vent to my friends now about things my mother does to me and they bring up the possibility of her being abusive. They will outright call her an abuser despite how many times I claim she isn't, how much I defend her and her actions.
So notable examples to things she's done that my friends claim is abusive are...
The fact my mother has nothing positive to say about or towards me ever. 90% of what she has to say to me is complaints about my actions/inactions or just speaking negatively in general.
She doesn't seem very eager to help me with problems I need her help with (getting back into therapy, seeing doctors about health issues, etc.), but will be livid if I refuse to assist her with her problems.
My mother has threatened to get rid of my cats which are essentially my emotional support animal.
My mother sent me her friend's dick picture without my consent because they thought it was "funny". I did not think it was funny.
I'm writing out these examples my friends tell me make her an abuser and I still want to argue against it. I want to claim that it's the fact I never do anything that makes her angry with me. I want to claim it's the fact she has her own anxiety, depression, suicidal tendencies, abuse, and more to deal with which is why she can't help me with my issues. I want to just claim that it's my fault. She's not an abuser. I'm just a bad person.
I don't even know why I'm writing any of this... I don't know... I just... I don't know... I'm sorry...