nowhere to turn

sparklyshoes · 10-02-2018, 10:18 AM

No idea if anyone actually comes here or reads anything like this any more but I feel like I have nowhere else to turn. I'm turning 30 in March and definitely don't feel like I have my crap together.

I quit my job in nursing in October as it was making me feel awful. I was encouraged by my husband to do this and now I feel like he regrets that decision as I am now struggling to find a job outside of nursing and then even if I do it won't be bringing in as much money. I've slowly been feeling lower and lower the past few months and now I'm having a lot of suicidal thoughts. I know it's just in my head and suicide will make things 100% worse for everyone around me, husband included.

I feel pathetic. Last night I spent a few hours just sitting and crying. I had to go downstairs because I didn't want my husband to be woken up to a shitty shovelling wreck. I only went back to bed because I was trying to stifle my sobbing and pulled a fecking muscle in my back.

As I said I have nowhere to turn. I'm not sure if anyone reads or responds much anymore but thank you if you do.

Kathryn_Anna · 10-02-2018, 01:46 PM

Finding a job is hard stuff. Much luck to you in finding one you like soon that brings in decent money. <3

And sometimes we all need a good cry. I'm sorry you hurt your back though. Can you tell your husband how you feel?

nonperson · 10-02-2018, 01:53 PM

People do come here and read still.

I'm a firm believer that if you're not happy in your job then you shouldn't keep doing it because it's such a big part of life to spend doing something that isn't healthy for you.

Finding a job IS tough, especially at the moment. Keep trying! You will find something. Are you ok financially?

Please speak to your husband. Keeping it all inside and hiding your feelings will make things much harder to cope with.

(apologies if I'm not meant to post here as I'm not a forum vet, but I am older in age..)

sparklyshoes · 10-02-2018, 05:01 PM

thank you guys for your kind words. I don't feel like I can tell him as I feel like I'm getting on his nerves. A couple of weeks ago I broke down in tears about it all and he was like "I told you to quit your job and there's nothing to worry about". And I was that upset and distracted I nearly crashed the car like an hour after.

Finances aren't great to be honest. He took out a loan before I quit and this has pretty much all gone on bills. I'm getting jobseekers now which I wasn't before as I couldn't claim it due to leaving my last job. So that will help a little just paying towards my bills.

I had a telephone interview this morning with an interview there in person on Wednesday and also a group interview on Monday for somewhere else so fingers crossed one of those will be fruitful so I can just pay the bills.

I just feel crappy. And like a failure. I never wanted to continue with my nursing from my 3rd year in training. Now I've been qualified 7 years and none of the jobs have made me happy or settled at all. I'm just wanting to be settled as we want to have a baby soon and then money will be even tighter... x

Margo · 23-02-2018, 04:20 PM

Things will be ok..
It's tough leaving work for whatever reason. You can feel like you lose your identity and sense of self worth.. However, this isn't the end.

I know first hand the stress and misery a job can bring. It's terrifying stopping but after a while you come to realise you did the right thing.

There are more ways to contribute to a relationship household than money. Your husband will know that and be grateful for your contributions.

Could you sign up for NHS-P and perhaps take the odd shift? I'm not sure if you still have to be working to do it. If not then there's loads of agencies you could join. I know you aren't happy nursing but if you knew it was just the odd shift here and there you'd have no commitment.

Try to stay busy and active. Perhaps look at some volunteering near by? Use this time to learn a new skill via YouTube or something. Doesn't have to be anything amazing but you could take up anything and make something for the house perhaps?

Above all though, what ever happens, if you know in your heart that leaving work was the right thing to do, then it will never ever be the wrong choice.

Hang in there Sharlie

Love
Matthew xx

wildly insane · 24-02-2018, 09:42 AM

Keep trying, go sell yourself at that interview and never settle for a job that makes you miserable it isn’t worth it. I also know that job hunting can be soul destroying. Can you perhaps try a free online course that you will find interesting to not only keep you a little distracted but also to give yourself some personal boost that you’re doing something? If you can’t talk to your husband is there anyone else? Good luck, there is a job out there with your name on.

wildly insane · 24-02-2018, 09:43 AM

Www.futurelearn.com

sparklyshoes · 24-02-2018, 12:30 PM

I've got a job in a coffee shop for the time being which will help bring in a few pennies and at least get us covering the bills, if I can pick up extra shifts that will be a bonus. I've also got another interview on the 5th March for a pet shop which would be nice for the interim. I'm just having a hard time not beating myself up. I don't think it's helping with other people judging - I had messages from my mother in law who is also a nurse and was basically telling me what I already knew about getting out of nursing and didn't seem very helpful. She also messaged my hubby with nursing jobs too.

After I had that bad night I ended up asking my cousin if I could go to work with her, for a bit of company if nothing else so it was nice to just get our of the house for the week.

Not feeling as awful this week but I'm still super emotional. I think my hubby, after 8 years together, saying he was 65% sure he doesn't want children was just a bit of a stab in the heart and he's never said that before and we always talk about having kids. He also knows that was one of the reasons I left my last job as I couldn't imagine being pregnant and working through the stress there.

Sorry for all the moaning �� as much as I talk to my mom I don't say it all as I don't want her to think bad of my hubby.

thanks for the link wildly, I'll have a look at that x

Hey_Delilah · 25-02-2018, 08:24 PM

A change in career is a massive step, and you just wouldn’t be human if you were finding the whole thing a breeze. It shows incredible strength to be able to walk away from something that’s not for you, so well done for not only making the decision to change things but for seeing it through too. Things will fall into place - just because it hasn’t happened immediately definitely doesn’t mean that they’re not going to and you’re making all of the right moves. I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time, and I hope that things improve for you soon. In the meantime, don’t give yourself such a hard time for feeling the way you do - you’re 100% allowed to feel it. It’s all very scary, but it’s also exciting - your possibilities are endless! I’ll have my fingers crossed for you, and very much hope for good things for you in the immediate future.