Graphic / Triggering - in 4th grade.........(sexaul abuse)

fallen wings44 · 22-04-2009, 09:29 PM

i can still feel his touge inside my mounth
i can still feel his hands all over me...
no matter how many times i take a shower and or a bath i still feel dirty.....
he said he was teaching me about life
and i belived him
i am the stupidest person ever
i didnt know what he doing...
i was nine but i shoud have known
im to blame for this!
its all my fualt!!!!
hes out somewhere because i never reported it
never reported him
never told anyone
because he made me promise not to.......

he molested me and i didnt know it!

22-04-2009, 10:54 PM

i'm sorry that happened to you please don't blame yourself though IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT

Mandimoo · 22-04-2009, 11:58 PM

you were a child. sometimes children have to do things that feel horrible because an adult tells them to - getting injections to vaccinate against diseases is one of them, going to the dentist is another... it is normal for a child to equate sexual abuse to this kind of activity, as they have nothing to tell them otherwise.

it is also normal for a child to be frightened when an adult threatens them.

you have nothing to blame yourself for. he was an animal and its not too late to report him.
mand x

starseeker · 23-04-2009, 12:22 AM

:( im so sorry this happened to you
i was assaulted when i was ten or eleven and i didnt realise till about last year that what he did was illegal, i just thought i was being daft
you really not stupid for not knowing, i promise
x

fallen wings44 · 23-04-2009, 01:37 AM

he is out there and i dont know if he is looking for me or if im going run in into him or not.....
im scared of sexual contact because of him.....
i dont think that anyone will belive me if i told.......
i dont think i will ever be clean......

Mandimoo · 23-04-2009, 03:00 PM

you can report him. it will likely be kept on file, unless they have enough evidence to prosecute, but it will be there against his name. it will come up on crb checks and things like that.

if he does ever try to contact you again you can get a restraining order, and with the report on file it will make a stronger case.

keep you safe, do everything officially and by the book so to speak, the police will be able to advise where you go from here as well. Also if you're not receiving counselling then get your GP to refer you, they can also help in the legal process of everything, prepare you for what is likely to happen and support you when it does.

cuddles, mand x

Popple · 23-04-2009, 07:44 PM

None of this is your fault sweetie. If you want to report him you can but it has to be your decision they will believe you and if they have no evidence they can keep it on file so if anyone else ever said anything similar it might be easier to prosecute. Do you have anyone you can talk to about how you are feeling? You shouldn't have to cope with this on your own.
Take care of yourself love
x

fallen wings44 · 23-04-2009, 09:05 PM

no one in rl knows about this.......
i promised him that i wouldnt tell anyone........

Popple · 23-04-2009, 09:19 PM

You don't have to keep that promise because it is hurting you and protecting him when he doesn't deserve it because what he did was wrong and you deserve help to recover from what he has done to you.
x

fallen wings44 · 23-04-2009, 09:26 PM

but dont i have to listen to him because he is a ault......

fallen wings44 · 23-04-2009, 10:07 PM

and he made me touch him.......so if i report him i would get in troulbe too.......

24-04-2009, 03:23 AM

no you wouldn't get in trouble. no adult should ever tell you to do that. sexual contact in any way with a minor is a very serious offense that only the adult faces. you were a child, you didn't know what was going on. you don't have to keep any promise to him. he betrayed you by doing that to you; you have no duty to him. the police will take it very seriously. they will believe you.

fallen wings44 · 24-04-2009, 07:35 PM

i want to tell someone but i dont know how and what would happen if i do................

Popple · 24-04-2009, 08:08 PM

Is there someone you trust? At school/college/family/doctor?
If you don't think you can say it maybe write it out and give it to someone.
People just want to make sure you are safe and help you but you need to tell them so they can help you as best they can
x

fallen wings44 · 24-04-2009, 11:31 PM

.......yes......
...school....
.....but....i dont know if she would think im disgusting or not.......

25-04-2009, 01:38 AM

no she won't think you're disgusting. you were a child. you had no idea. she'll probably be very worried for you and be able to help you properly.

fallen wings44 · 25-04-2009, 02:24 AM

........ok...ill do it...

fallen wings44 · 25-04-2009, 04:47 PM

but i dont know how to write the letter.......

Popple · 25-04-2009, 04:49 PM

She won't think you were disgusting, you were a child you couldn't have understood. Take your time. You only have to tell her as much as you want. Maybe make some bullet points first. It doesn't have to be long.

fallen wings44 · 25-04-2009, 04:56 PM

ok....