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Old 23-09-2017, 09:47 PM   #1
postoffice
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
I am currently:
would love some thoughts on this

I sit with my back against the garage door
no car in the driveway
mams out picking up a few things
i'm sitting, sun in my eyes
one of those rare days around here where the glare of the sun is unavoidable
so im not reading
not doing anything really
just sitting enjoying a premature cigarette
well not really enjoying
you see i have not eaten yet today
stomach is curled up
often is this time of year
the smoke hits insides
the summers over now
but the sun is shining violently
like it had been waiting to burst out just as the kids start school
always the way isn't it
murphy's law or something
mam will be back soon
she hates me smoking out front as the neighbours might see me
oh what they must think of me
during my teenage years i hate to imagine what things were said about me
behind suburban curtains
we all had curfews back then
not anymore
all this freedom and no fight is boring
ill go inside soon
smoking for the sake of smoking
sitting for the sake of sitting
something im only now learning to do
its not easy
but i can sit with myself
in bursts like the sun
but its something
im getting up
brushing off ash
burning in september rays
my mind wanders to you
how i miss you
how im better off without you but still
we had fun
terrible-violent-going backwards fun
we looked good
you smelled like that cheap lemon rum
acting like the words "i dont have a problem" were some kind of spell that made it so
you were your own person
and i was your man
i hope your doing better than we were doing back then
im glad i mean that
the cycle will start again
but now im just walking inside
going forwards
back in school
maybe we will circle out of this cycle
maybe someday ill see you in passing
and we will smile a smile of outlaws who got away with something
wont need to say anything as we both now the crazy **** we saw go down or were apart off
maybe......
im inside now
i miss you

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Old 26-09-2017, 07:56 PM   #2
stuckin2009
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
I am currently:

Long but definitely worth the read. There's a lot of feeling in this, I felt it. I almost felt as though I was outside smoking a cigarette with you, looking back on old times. Personal favorite parts; "always the way isn't it
murphy's law or something"

"maybe we will circle out of this cycle
maybe someday ill see you in passing
and we will smile a smile of outlaws who got away with something"

That alliteration in the first line of that bottom quote-awesome. I enjoyed this, well done, keep writing!

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