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Old 31-07-2008, 07:07 AM   #1
Netsirkylime
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virginity question... please please help!

Okay I don't know if this is in the right spot.... but I need some advice.

Lately I've been afraid about losing my virginity... and like... I don't want to loose it to someone that I love, because if I give it to someone with my heart attached to it and it doesn't work out then I'm going to be completely ruined... I can't handle that... I'd feel rejected and disgusting and all this stuff... so I thought, why not have sex with someone I care about but not in a romantic way? and that lead me to my friend Austin. We've had an on and off physical relationship, nothing emotional tho, so he's like perfect... but he dated my best friend, and she absolutely hates him not, says he's a disgusting man whore... but i just can't think of him that way, I think about him as my friend Austin, who has been my friend since second grade. It would be no strings attached sex, and then I'd have a huuuuge burden lifted off of my shoulders...

but my friend Kay found out, she's my best friend who dated him, but anyways, she found out and she's mad about it.... because she thinks he's a gross asshole and she is all about waiting until marriage. I can't do that, I don't want to loose it to someone with emotional attachments...

is this a totally crazy thought? Is my logic completely twisted?

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Old 31-07-2008, 07:20 AM   #2
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anyone? please? I need help... this is ripping my head apart...

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Old 31-07-2008, 07:31 AM   #3
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Hello

You need to feel comfortable with who you have sex with if it is for the first time. You both need to do what you feel is right especially if you love them. Do what you heart says. If it is the right timing then do it if not wait for the right time.

I dont think you should rush into sex as it is meant to be a good and memorable time

Hope this helps.



Life is full of up and downs but we all can be a overtaker not a undertaker.

We all make mistakes in life. I have and I have learnt from them. NEVER GOING THERE AGAIN. TIME TO BE HONEST WITH MYSELF AND WITH THOSE WHO DO ACTUALLY LOVE ME AND CARE FOR ME.



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Old 31-07-2008, 07:33 AM   #4
Netsirkylime
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I feel comfortable with austin, but I don't love him. I don't understand it... but that logic wont leave me head.... is it crazy?

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Old 31-07-2008, 07:39 AM   #5
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No it is not crazy. You need to be sure you want to have sex with this person.



Life is full of up and downs but we all can be a overtaker not a undertaker.

We all make mistakes in life. I have and I have learnt from them. NEVER GOING THERE AGAIN. TIME TO BE HONEST WITH MYSELF AND WITH THOSE WHO DO ACTUALLY LOVE ME AND CARE FOR ME.



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Old 31-07-2008, 07:41 AM   #6
Netsirkylime
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I am sure. It's just... my friend is so mad, because I'm going to have no strings attached sex with him... she told me I'm crazy and that I'm being stupid...

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Old 31-07-2008, 07:54 AM   #7
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you are not stupid or crazy. Do what you feel is right.



Life is full of up and downs but we all can be a overtaker not a undertaker.

We all make mistakes in life. I have and I have learnt from them. NEVER GOING THERE AGAIN. TIME TO BE HONEST WITH MYSELF AND WITH THOSE WHO DO ACTUALLY LOVE ME AND CARE FOR ME.



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Old 31-07-2008, 07:56 AM   #8
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I understand what you mean and why you think that.

My first time was with someone who i wasnt going tout with and i regretted it afterwards but not anymore.
But do you think you will regret it? And why now, why not wait until you meet ssomeone else?
xx





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Old 31-07-2008, 07:57 AM   #9
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Thanks... that helped a lot... I was so sure about everything... and then my friend messed all that up... but I'm back to sure... thanks again... I really appreciate it...
I need to go to bed now... haha it's like three in the morning lol...
night
thanks again

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Old 31-07-2008, 08:00 AM   #10
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Quote:
I understand what you mean and why you think that.

My first time was with someone who i wasnt going tout with and i regretted it afterwards but not anymore.
But do you think you will regret it? And why now, why not wait until you meet ssomeone else?
xx
I wont regret it, and because I can't stand the stress of it all. If I do it with someone who loves me and my heart is attached then if it ends then I will regret it, and I'll be even more devastated.

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Old 31-07-2008, 08:02 AM   #11
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night night sleep well.

Do what you feel is right.



Life is full of up and downs but we all can be a overtaker not a undertaker.

We all make mistakes in life. I have and I have learnt from them. NEVER GOING THERE AGAIN. TIME TO BE HONEST WITH MYSELF AND WITH THOSE WHO DO ACTUALLY LOVE ME AND CARE FOR ME.



fluffyWhiteClouds Daughter
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Old 31-07-2008, 08:36 AM   #12
Ami
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Okay.. well as long as ure 100% sure and feel comfortable

night hun x





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Old 31-07-2008, 09:36 AM   #13
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I've been in a similar position that you are now (without the best friend being pissed off). Pretty much a friend and I were really horny and I wanted to lose my virginity. It was a mistake and I regret it. It screwed up our friendship. I do not think it is possible to have no strings attached sex with someone you care about. I can promise you that he will not think about you the same as he does now.
And generally having sex with your best friends ex is not a good idea.
If you really want to have sex just to have sex then i would suggest finding someone you do not have any respect for, because you are using as a piece of meat. Many guys are cool with this.
Something anyone who has had both will tell you, having sex may be fun, but it is not nearly as good as making love. Finding someone you love and are compatible with sexually makes all the difference.



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Old 31-07-2008, 02:18 PM   #14
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Some people will say no you should wait for someone you dont feel like will break your heart and it will be better and they're right. But it wasn't for me either. I do wish i'd waited untill i'd found someone but i didn't and i don't regret it right now, maybe someday i will.

In no way am i saying go for it because it's a very personal decision and you need to think about how it will affect that relationship and your future ones. Are you doing it for the right reasons? Is there any other reason you don't want to be emotionally attatcted to that person?

My first time was with someone i Could have had feelings for but didnt, i slept with him and i felt closer to him but i never saw him again really. But for me that was ok, it gave me the confidence to be woth other people. If i hadnt have done it then i never would have lol. But at the time i saw it as having an amazing night with him, but not getting too complicated.

Think about it first, think about how you'll feel when he leaves, how you'll feel if you never saw him again and if you think it will affect anything else first.

sorry i wasn't too clear and rambled a little bit. hope you fnd the right thing to do
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Old 31-07-2008, 03:53 PM   #15
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I've always hated the idea of "no strings attached sex"... I don't think it should occur if the feelings aren’t there... I mean after all it's meant to be a physical expression of your love and devotion to one another...

However, I didn't loose my virginity under the best of circumstances... and I feel this may have left me biased...


Just make sure that you are totally comfortable with this person and you are 100% sure first...

Also... there is no rush or pressure to loose it... your virginity is a part of you and your loosing of it will be an event you'll remember forever... I just don't want you to do this out of some social pressure to loose it and regret it later... Or for you to risk a friendship for the same reasons…

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Old 31-07-2008, 07:19 PM   #16
Netsirkylime
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Thank you everyone for you helpful replies. Twisted Illusions, part of the reason that I'm going it is because I don't think I can be close to anyone, someone that I love and truly care about, until I do it. Every time I start to get close to someone, I get scared, and basically sabotage the relationship, a lot of it is the fear that once we do go all the way they wont stick around... I want to be able to have a real relationship with someone...

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Old 31-07-2008, 08:13 PM   #17
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I totally understand you, i think it's somethin that you might not necesarily understand if you haven't been in the situation but i don't want other to think im sayin "whayyy go have sex with anyone"!! because i'm not.
I'll PM you if you don't mind?
~Twisted Illusions~

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Old 31-07-2008, 09:07 PM   #18
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i REALLY understand you....
PM me if you want to talk about it...???
xxxx




As a little kid you believed in fairytales,
that fantasy of what your life would be: white dress; prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill.
You closed your eyes and had complete and utter faith.
Eventually you grow up. One day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears.
But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairytale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith,
that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.


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Old 31-07-2008, 09:09 PM   #19
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oh i'm a bit slow at replying to PMs... so bear with me, i'm not ignoring you!

and i think it's time to change my display picture!! its the same as Teddybear's and i get sooo confused!!




As a little kid you believed in fairytales,
that fantasy of what your life would be: white dress; prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill.
You closed your eyes and had complete and utter faith.
Eventually you grow up. One day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears.
But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairytale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith,
that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.


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