Live Help


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 05-12-2007, 01:29 AM   #121
Lewis The Second
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Leeds

Hi. I haven't really read any of this yet, and I would like to, but it could really do with some proofreading. There are plenty of things I can be reading and things like three glaring grammatical errors in the opening two sentences are really offputting. I'm not being arsey or anything and I hope you don't take offence, but this is the sort of thing that make people want to read your work, or not.

Good luck :)

Lewis The Second is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2007, 07:26 PM   #122
lil'fallen
 
lil'fallen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Canada
I am currently:

i can't wait until you post more on here!
i love your story!
xXx

lil'fallen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-12-2007, 10:03 PM   #123
Tallie
...
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: UK
I am currently:

i really love this :D

xxx

Tallie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2007, 07:13 PM   #124
Feel_Good_inc.
I am a leaf on the wind; watch how I soar
 
Feel_Good_inc.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Somewhere, but I'm not really sure
I am currently:

Right; first of all, dn't be so hard on yourself and stop apologising when you don't have an immediate update. you can't rush things like creativity and real life commitments. once a wekk or once a month it's all the same.

Secondly; WOW. Fantastic, it just keeps getting better.



Don't be fooled by my smooth skin. The deepest scars are the ones unseen.
Remember compliments you received, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how..~ Baz Lurhman.
Letting it get to you - You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now that's all that counts. ~ Doctor Who "The Doctors Wife"
06.November.2011



Feel_Good_inc. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-2007, 04:47 PM   #125
svenn
i like shiny things.
 
svenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: anchorage, ak
I am currently:

^^truth



come and join me. then world domination.

mmmwuhahahahahahaha.

i like to commit raoh's (random acts of hugging)

HazardxToxMyselfx3 = sister
hahaugotpunked87 = fairy-god half step sister
Katiebean = pet moose
morbida = third cousin once removed

svenn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-2007, 04:52 PM   #126
x-mixedemotions
tilly
 
x-mixedemotions's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Worcester, UK
I am currently:

Quote:
Originally Posted by englishwitch View Post
Right; first of all, dn't be so hard on yourself and stop apologising when you don't have an immediate update. you can't rush things like creativity and real life commitments. once a wekk or once a month it's all the same.

Secondly; WOW. Fantastic, it just keeps getting better.

Thank you. i am trying my best its just taking longer than I wanted it to because of work and stuff. But yes, thank you for that reply :] xx



**If You Love Someone Or Something Enough, Set Them Free.**


I Will Never Forget You.


x-mixedemotions is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-12-2007, 08:28 PM   #127
Paw Print
 
Paw Print's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Vancouver, BC
I am currently:

I love your writing!!!!!!





Paw Print is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-2007, 12:09 AM   #128
lil'fallen
 
lil'fallen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Canada
I am currently:

can't wait till you post more! :)
xXx

lil'fallen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-12-2007, 04:15 PM   #129
stumpy davies
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:

Brilliant, still lovong every minute of this story. Keep writing please.

stumpy davies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-12-2007, 01:00 AM   #130
x-dying-inside-x
*Dan*
 
x-dying-inside-x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: london
I am currently:

cant wait for more.



" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB

x-dying-inside-x is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-12-2007, 03:58 AM   #131
x-mixedemotions
tilly
 
x-mixedemotions's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Worcester, UK
I am currently:

hey! i have started the next chapter, its not quite finished yet and will be im hoping within the next couple of days! sorry for the wait i'l try and make it worth it! xx



**If You Love Someone Or Something Enough, Set Them Free.**


I Will Never Forget You.


x-mixedemotions is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-12-2007, 03:20 PM   #132
x-mixedemotions
tilly
 
x-mixedemotions's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Worcester, UK
I am currently:

Not a brilliant chapter, But hope its okay lol the next one is coming soon! xx


Chapter 11
Reunion.

I sit in silence with Luke next to me, my mum and dad accross the other side of the room holding baby Laura. Chris looks at me every now and then with a worried look on his face and Luke holds my hand tightly in his.
'How long do you think I need to stay here Luke?' I whisper to him and he shrugs
"you'll be fine, don't worry" Luke whispers back to me and kisses my head and we sit in silence again for what feels like ages.

'How are you? You look well' Dad says to me and I look up at him
"I'm fine, thanks" I say back and he nods
'I've missed you' he says to me with a smile on his face
"It was your decision to leave me"
'We didn't plan on leaving you for so long, it was only to get your mum better and away from here for a while' Dad says and I laugh
"From here? from me don't you mean?" I say "Luke can we leave please?" Luke nods and Chris jumps in

'Listen to what they have to say Laura, please' I look up at Chris and sigh

"Laura, we love you and we didn't want to leave you like we did. It was so difficult for us, both of us, to see you in the state you were, your self harming, the relationship with your mother, everything. We needed to get away, both of us" Dad says to me
'I gathered that much' I say sarcastically
"Your dad was ringing you every day to speak to you Laura" Mum says staring at me
'Here we go. The concerning mother part, yet again'
"He sent Chris round to talk to you because for all he knew you could of been dead, we even sent your nan round beause we were so worried. Then we get a phone call from Chris saying you've been smoking and goodness knows what and that you have a college lad living with you in OUR house" Mum says
'We want you to come and live with us, in Brighton. With the little ones, you can go to school there and start again, we can go into family therapy and build up this family unit again, me and your mum have both talked about it and we think its for the best that you come with us, away from bad influences here' Dad says and looks at Luke

"Don't even bother trying to say he's a bad influence, dad. He's been here for me all the time you've been gone, I had to have someone looking after me and keeping an eye on me. So don't you dare say he's a bad influence" Dad sighs and shakes his head
'He's so much older than you, Laura, you don't need someone like that in your life' Dad says to me and Luke squeezes my hand again
"Sir, I don't know you, but I know your daughter and I love her very much. I would never do anything to hurt her, ever. She means to much to me to be able to do that. I've got myself a job and i'm going to college, yes, I'm a couple of years older than her, yes, but age doesn't matter. I've offered for her to come and live with me if you want to sell the house, she'll be safe and i'll do everything I possibly can to make her happy and keep her healthy" Luke says to my dad and I look at him with a smile then look at my dad who seems almost shocked
'I'm not leaving you with a stranger, Laura' He says to me and I stand up
"Come on Luke, we're going, i'm not staying any longer"
'Your not going anywhere, your coming to Brighton with me and your mother' I laugh at him and shake my head, I kiss Chris on the cheek and hug Lucy then leave the flat
"If you do this we'll call the police" Mum shouts
'So call them!' I shout back and we leave the building

"What are we going to do if their going to call the police, Laura? They'll just make you go with them" Luke asks me as we walk up the street
'Your mums got a room to spare, hasnt she? she won't mind us being there for a couple of days right?' I say to him
"of course she wont, but then what? what if they find out where my mum lives?"
'how are they going to do that? They don't even know your last name' Luke grabs my hand and pulls me to a stop
"Are you sure you want to do this and not go with them?" He asks me and i put my hand on his face
'I'm positive. We'll need to find somewhere to stay away from here, if your prepared to do that? To move away from your friends and family, for me' He kisses my lips softly and whispers
"I'll do anythng to make sure she doesnt hurt you again" I smile at him and turn and start running. We run the rest of the way to my house so i can pack some belongings, I take the rest of the money that I got of my nan and a photo of my two brothers and my sister then shove them into my bag as i'm about to leave, Lukes friend is outside the house waiting for us, Luke rang him while we were getting our stuff together. As we pull out I turn and look at the house and sigh.
"Are you sure about this?" Luke says to me and I nod
'Never been sure about anything else'.
"I love you baby" he says to me with his hand on my leg
'I love you to' I say back smiling.



**If You Love Someone Or Something Enough, Set Them Free.**


I Will Never Forget You.


x-mixedemotions is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-12-2007, 04:09 PM   #133
Feel_Good_inc.
I am a leaf on the wind; watch how I soar
 
Feel_Good_inc.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Somewhere, but I'm not really sure
I am currently:

a better chapter than you give yourself credit for. can't wait to read more.



Don't be fooled by my smooth skin. The deepest scars are the ones unseen.
Remember compliments you received, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how..~ Baz Lurhman.
Letting it get to you - You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now that's all that counts. ~ Doctor Who "The Doctors Wife"
06.November.2011



Feel_Good_inc. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-12-2007, 04:56 PM   #134
scaredofme
 
Join Date: Jun 2007

eeeeeee

I remember reading the first couple of chapters of this, and somehow I didnt comment.

But I just read it all from the beginning and each chapter is better than the last.

It's a fantastic story, just felt I needed to add to what appears to be a rather large fan-club here. Haha.

Great job, can't wait to read more. But as has been said many times, think of yourself first.

Well done, take care xx




...and the sun will set for you...


scaredofme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-12-2007, 05:36 PM   #135
x-mixedemotions
tilly
 
x-mixedemotions's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Worcester, UK
I am currently:

Quote:
Originally Posted by scaredofme View Post
eeeeeee

I remember reading the first couple of chapters of this, and somehow I didnt comment.

But I just read it all from the beginning and each chapter is better than the last.

It's a fantastic story, just felt I needed to add to what appears to be a rather large fan-club here. Haha.

Great job, can't wait to read more. But as has been said many times, think of yourself first.

Well done, take care xx

Thank you



**If You Love Someone Or Something Enough, Set Them Free.**


I Will Never Forget You.


x-mixedemotions is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-12-2007, 08:48 PM   #136
x-mixedemotions
tilly
 
x-mixedemotions's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Worcester, UK
I am currently:

Chapter 12
Meeting Mum



After a twenty minute car ride we get to Lukes mum house and she welcomes me with a hug, this is the first time i've met her.
"Your even more beautiful than I ever imagined sweetie" Jackie, Lukes mum says to me, making me smile. "come in" She says and steps out of the way. "You two can stay here as long as you want, no one will find out" She hugs Luke tightly and then takes us into the front room.
'Laura your going to have to fill my mum in on everything, for her to understand why. I've told her you don't want to go to Brighton, but you need to tell her whats happened before, she can help us' Luke says to me as we sit down on the sofas
"Only when your ready Laura, theres no rush" Jackie says smiling "can I get you a drink? a cup of tea maybe? A beer?" I look at Luke and he nods at me
'I'll just have a cup of tea, if thats okay'
"do you have sugar to?" Jackie asks
'No thank you' I say and she nods and goes to the kitchen.

"You could of had a beer" Luke says and I shrug my shoulders
'Are you sure it's okay with her if I drink? I mean, she won't get angry or anything?' I ask him
"Of course she wouldnt of, she offered it you silly"
'I know, sorry' I say and laugh

"Here you go sweetie" Jackie says as she hands me a cup of tea
'Thank you' I say as I take it from her.
"I'll go and make the bed in the spare room for you two, I'll take up a couple of your bags" She says with a smile
'I'll help' I say
"No sweetie you make yourself at home"
'Really, i'd like to help' I say as I put the tea on the table infront of me and sit up, kissing Luke as I walk past him. I pick up my two bags and follow Jackie into a room with a double bed.

"You make my son very happy, Laura" She says to me as I help her make the bed "He rings me every day and talks all about you, its so nice to finally meet the person who he's most fond of" I smile
'He makes me happy too, he's amazing' I tell her
"He is quite amazing" she agrees
'What did he tell you? I mean, he wants me to talk to you and i'm just wondering what he's told you already' I ask her
"He just told me that you two need to come to stay a while before you get enough money to move away, he didn't explan why though" Jackie says and I nod
'So he didn't explain about my mum or dad?' I ask her and she shakes her head
"only tell me when your ready Laura" Jackie says
'Can we go downstairs and sit down? I'll tell you over a cup of tea' I say to her and she nods
"i'll meet you down there in a second" Jackie says as I walk out the door and meet Luke in the front room again

"Did you talk to her?" He asks me and I shake my head
'She's coming down in a minute, i'll talk to her then, will you stay with me when I do?' I ask him and he nods
"Of course I will, do you want a cig?" he asks holding one out towards me and I take it
'Can i smoke in here?' Luke nods and I light it. Jackie comes into the room a minute later and sits down
"Right then, shall we have this chat?" She asks me and Luke sits next to me
'I don't know where to start, really' I tell her
"How about why you two need to stay here for a while? I thought you were both at your parents house while they were away"
'Yeah we were. They came back today, its my birthday, they've told me that they want me to move to Brighton with them. Thats where they went, to Brighton, to get away from here, from me' I say quickly
"Why would they want to get away from you?" Jackie asks
'Me and my mum have always had a rough relationship, she wound me up and i wound her up. It got to the point where she tried to... she tried to do something stupid. She beat me up a few times, too. She went mad. She ended up in hospital then they went to Brighton to get away for a while, only they want to stay up there and sell the house and are trying to make me go to and I don't want to go and live with them' I look at Jackie and shes nodding
"She beat you up?" Jackie asks and I nod "and she tried to do something stupid like.. what?" I look at Luke and then back at Jackie
'Her mum tried to kill herself. She went to find Laura at her brothers flat the day after she kicked her out and ended up in hospital' Luke say
"She blamed me for anything bad that has happened. I don't feel safe with her and don't want to live with her anymore, they told me that if I didn't go with them today then they would call the police, so we need somewhere to stay until we have enough money to go somewhere else" I say to Jackie
'Oh sweetie, you two can definatly stay here, just as long as you both stay in touch with me when you move away?' Jackie asks as she hugs me
"Of course we will mum" Luke says
'We definatly will' I say to her and she smiles.
"I'll leave you two to talk and i'll make some dinner, what kind of foods do you eat Laura?" Jackie asks me
'I'll eat anything you give me' I tell her and she smiles, picks up the empty cups and walks into the room
"You should of told her about your self harming, Laura" Luke tells me
'Not just yet and plus it's okay right now, i'm not doing it so it's fine. Luke, how are we going to get enough money to get somewhere? I've only got 100 left and I can't work or anything, not here anyway'
"I've got the rest of my college loan in my bank and mum will help us"
'What if they find us?'
"Like you said earlier, Law, they don't know where we are and they don't know my surname so they won't be able to find where my mum lives, they don't know any of your friends, Christy or anyone, we'll be fine, trust me yeah?" Luke tells me
'I trust you' I tell him
"Good. Do you want a drink? I'm going to get myself a beer" he asks me and i nod
'Yeah, please, anything alcoholic' I say to him and laugh. He walks off out of the room and I wait, when five minutes has passed I go and find where he is and over hear him and his mum talking

"I love her so much, mum. I just hope that I can make her happy" Luke says, putting a smile on my face
'She already is happy, I can tell' I walk into the kitchen, put my arms around Luke and kiss him
"Your mums right, I already am happy" Jackie smiles
'I can tell we're going to get on well' she says to me and I nod.
I'm hoping this will be the new start that I need, even if it is without my family.



**If You Love Someone Or Something Enough, Set Them Free.**


I Will Never Forget You.


x-mixedemotions is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-12-2007, 10:04 PM   #137
scaredofme
 
Join Date: Jun 2007

Awww, how lovely!!

Loving it, still. Yes.




...and the sun will set for you...


scaredofme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-12-2007, 10:19 AM   #138
Feel_Good_inc.
I am a leaf on the wind; watch how I soar
 
Feel_Good_inc.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Somewhere, but I'm not really sure
I am currently:

sweet. very sweet.



Don't be fooled by my smooth skin. The deepest scars are the ones unseen.
Remember compliments you received, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how..~ Baz Lurhman.
Letting it get to you - You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now that's all that counts. ~ Doctor Who "The Doctors Wife"
06.November.2011



Feel_Good_inc. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-12-2007, 11:39 PM   #139
x-mixedemotions
tilly
 
x-mixedemotions's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Worcester, UK
I am currently:

Lol hope they were okay :] ill update again soon, got some time of from work starting sunday so might get some wrote then :)xx



**If You Love Someone Or Something Enough, Set Them Free.**


I Will Never Forget You.


x-mixedemotions is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-12-2007, 05:39 PM   #140
lil'fallen
 
lil'fallen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Canada
I am currently:

wow! i love it<3
xXx

lil'fallen is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON
Forum Jump


Sea Pink Aroma
All times are GMT +1. The time now is 07:07 PM.