Okay...So, I had anorexia in high school (I'm 30 now), though I never was hospitalized or anything, but since then I have had "issues" with food. I guess recently I haven't gotten to a low enough weight to be considered anorexic, but I definitely have disordered eating habits or maybe even EDNOS.
I've been self-conscious about my weight the past few months- it's healthy, I'm naturally petite anyway, so I shouldn't be complaining - but I was going through old food/weight journals where I kept track of my measurements. I have some from 2006, 2008, 2011, 2015, and I took new ones today.
I was utterly disgusted. I hate the way my body looks and feels, and now I'm tempted to start tracking again...Like OCD spreadsheet style. I want to fit into the clothes from 2008, though I know that's probably unrealistic. I've tried working out - just yoga and pilates at home - but my depression has been really bad, so I'm not good at being consistent. (Going for walks is out of the question - it's still in the single digits here...)
I've been restricting a bit, and eating some, but I feel guilty about it. (Christ I made a healthy dinner tonight and feel bad about that.) I'm just frustrated and angry with myself for wanting to go back to this...Logically I know it doesn't make sense/won't help in the long run, and I know how consuming it can be.......
Any suggestions? I'm hesitant to write out healthy meal plans, because it usually leads to calorie counting and restricting...Sigh.
