Triggering (SI/OD) - They Made Me Feel Like Shxt And They're Not Sorry
Which, I guess, they're right. I got a roasting of one friend today && the other one refused to go near me incase she got blood on her! It was a god damn scratch! Maybe I should start from the beginning.
Today was Kettering's big switch on, so everything is now ready for christmas [big woop] and I went down town with two of my friend's. We were in MacDonalds when one of my friends shouted out as loud as she could 'I Can't Fxcking Believe It, There's An Awarness Day For SI, So Stupid' I did consider telling her where to stick her opinions, but I also figured maybe she'd swing for me [she know's I'm an SI'er] so I kept my mouth shut. Then she shouted 'Are You Still Slicing Your Fxcking Skin' out loud, in fact alot louder than she did the whole SI Awarness day, we were at the top half of MacDonalds at the time so I just nodded, then watched her grin at me, no idea why though. My other friend [a recovered SI'er] gave me a wierd look as if to say 'I'm so disappointed with you, I thought you'd stopped' so once again, I shrugged it off. Then we wet to watch the lights get switched on, and nothing else was said after that. So we walked back to my friends house and took our coats and junk off, and we had to take photo's [we'd all brought bunny ears, so a photo had to be done] and my friend [the recovered SI'er] told me and my other friend [the one with no idea] to get together, she looked at my arm and pulled a face, as if to say 'oh great' I did say they were just fxcking scratches get over yourself, but she just looked at me like I was totally stupid.
So obviously this made me feel like shxt, and I'd alredy cut twice that afternoon, I was determind to stay strong and just shrug it off, but I can't. Whenever I close my eyes, all I see is that stupid smile she gave me when she told me I was being an idiot, and that I should get over myself. It's getting harder for me to control myself and not mess up. I even over looked the cabinet of paracetemol cause I knew that would get me nowhere, but now it's just all getting so tempting.
I don't know what to do.
'All this for a damn princess'
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Sorry to hear about what your friends did to you in public, that was really inappropriate. Maybe try talking to them and saying that being disapointed doesnt help the situation, and that there support would be apprecited. Your friend who doesnt SI doesnt seem to understand SI so maybe print out something about SI and give it to her. Are you sure your friend who is recovering from SI wasn't giving you a look of understanding, remembering what it was like, having a face of empthy and not disappointment? Have you asked them why they said/acted the way they did?
As for the temptations, try to keep yourself busy. They are your friends, so I would think they would not want you to hurt yourself over something they did, even though in my opinion that was wrong of them to do. I think it might be helpful to talk to them about what happened. Sometimes when I felt the need to SI I would do the 15min rule(X amount of time you tell yourself you wont SI) or whatever amount of time you are comfortable with and keep starting over untill the urges pass.
First off, your friend, the former SIer, should know better then to give you a look about still SIing. It is not cool that she does not know what it is like to have to live with the shame of the urges and what they do to our bodies. I am sure that she still has scars for SI that she has to hide.
Second, you should tell your friends that they hurt you. This is not something that should go with out a talking to. And if you decide that you do not want to talk to them anymore, you have to let them know that this is the reason and how what they did made you feel.
PM if you need anything
Rainbows have visions,
But only illusions,
and Rainbows have nothing to hide
You are right, you don't need people like that in your life. Trying to give up SI is hard enough, you don't need people judging you. Keep the people that care about you in your life and filter out the people that are not supportive, you don't need them.
hey, i lived with 2 girls and one told me SI was stupid and why did i do it etc etc and the used to moan at the other who was an ex SI'r who told me- i dont speak to the one who moaned at me she was half my problem and you just have to know why you did it etc. So i can understand a bit of what your feeling, but your right if they can't understand they arent worth it you have to just stay strong and good luck with the stopping feel free to pm me anytime xxxhugsxxx
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I'm sorry your friends were so awful to you. They're clearly not worth it. I was thinking of suggesting you give them some info to read to help them understand SI, but as one of them is an ex SIer i guess she sould understand more. I'm sorry you had to deal with such ignorance.
Life breaks most of us in the end, but afterwards some of us are strong in the broken places
~ Ernest Hemingway