Why SI?

[ApparentlyNothing]

Okay, I'm also technically a self injurer just so ya know. *possibly might trigger but cant seem to change the title to say so, oops :-\*

Why do you SI? This is sort of for my diss. and just out of curiosity too really. I don't think it is necessary for people to post about experience in their childhood, more what function does SI serve for you?

Personally I don't really know. Perhaps I'm a bit alexithymic too. I don't set aside time to do it or purposefully do it when I'm upset. I do it all the bloody time :-\ but perhaps thats the nature of my SI (skin picking. not always to the point of bleeding). I definitely feel a sort of dulling sensation when I've done it though. I suspect it's to alleviate negative emotions like stress.

[Hannah Montana]

I've realised that I SI whenever i feel inadaquate or incredibly stressed, sometimes i make a decision to do it, other times i don't. i definatley cut deeper when i dont think about it, when that happens though i'm often severly depressed and that hasn't been the case for a couple of months now (thank god). What function does it serve me? i think its a "release" if anything, i feel abit calmer after i cut and more in control of my actions, strangley it also helps me focus better if i'm trying to get some uni work done.

[Boy Interrupted]

For me, it's very calming. It also makes me focus all of my internal pain elsewhere and somehow makes everything bearable.

[oryx]

I agree with the above, SI-ing definitely makes me feel calmer. I have also noticed that if I feel guilty or ashamed it tends to be more severe and I feel better afterwards, as though I have punished myself and don't need to feel guilty anymore. It stops the negative things that people say from hurting me because I know that I have secretly already hurt myself.

I initially spent years trying to think of an underlying cause for my self-harming, but I eventually sort of gave up, and when people ask me for reasons I find it easier just to say 'I don't Know'.

[Ingenue]

I dont know why i SI either. I mean theres so many little reasons i could suggest but i don't think any of them are the main reason alone.

I'm normaly quite good at not SI ng for a month at a time.But then i have one week. One week. Were i am at an all time low. Normally im stressed out with college work, working, solving my friends problems and dealing with my family.
But im normally really stressed,really angry or just dislike myself immensly, eg my appearance or my personality (or something id done recently, say called someone a bad name) & that will set me off to self harm.
I tend to SI worse when i'm tipsy/drunk.
I guess at the time i just want to get rid of all my pain & by hurting myself i lose my anger/frustration and stress on my skin.
I feel really relieved afterwards but then i also feel dumb because of what i did.

[Stellata]

When I'm overwhelmed by painful feelings and feel powerless in the face of them. When everything feels unbearable.

This happens less now as I'm more able to contain difficult feelings without hurting myself.

[Still Here]

I am addicited. I dont do it because I want to. I do it because I need to.

[smileemptysoul]

When I'm on a stress overload I have SI'ed. Also if I felt guilty about something I'll do it as a way to punish myself, so it feels like I sort of leveled things out in a way. Those are the main reasons.

[RadioactivePeanut]

Every few weeks I'll be fine but there is always that week when all the things people say or the things I tell myself get to me and I give up. For the past three months I haven't been able to do it (zero tolerance policy) so I just look angry and fustrated all the time. People don't understand why I'm this way so it's hard to tell them. They don't understand or they're the same people I hear talking about how stupid people who S.I. are. It makes it worse.

It just helps to bring me back to earth. I tell myself all kinds of nasty things when I do it, usually so I keep doing it. After I feel calm and I can say "You know, that really isn't me," but I never feel guilty after.

[sopranonut]

When i haven't SI'd for a while i'm usually triggered by feelings of anger that i don't know what to do with. I went a year and half without SIing but whenever i got really angry about something or someone (usually myself) i felt triggered. I also have physical health problems that cause me a lot of pain but have no outward signs and I now find SI helps me deal with that pain and gives some control. Now that i've started again it's gone back to the stage of addiction. There doesn't necessarily have to be a reason, i just do it becuase it's what i'm used to and i think it gives me comfort.