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Old 16-01-2021, 03:35 AM   #1
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Tw** He killed himself. Lost.

I've been friends with Tyler for 11 years. He understood me. I understood him. I knew he was suicidal, he was always suicidal. Dispite every effort I gave to help him. His sister years ago begged me to help him. She said if he didn't get help he was going to die... I gave my word I would. She died months later. I thought he was doing okay... he seemed mostly okay. He was constantly drunk, and messaged asking if he could call like he typically asked when he was drunk. I told him I would call when I got home, and I didnt. His last message was that he wanted support. He told me he had his plan, although never told me what that plan was. I thought maybe he was considering moving back... I didnt understand what the final plan initialed. He asked me for support, and I failed him. He killed himself that night... and I can never say sorry. Its been two weeks, but I cant seem to cope with it. He didn't deserve everyone to fail him. He deserved to still be here. And I cant help but think that im at fault.

S[he] be[lie]v[ed]

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Old 16-01-2021, 04:04 AM   #2
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I'm really sorry you're dealing with this and for the loss of your friend. I know I don't have good words, but I will say that killing yourself is a decision that only you can make, and only you choose to go through with. You aren't responsible for anyone else's life, just as they aren't responsible for yours. You are not at fault here. Do you have any type of support system you can reach out to? You definitely deserve support to help try to deal with this.

Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.

You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.

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Old 16-01-2021, 06:21 AM   #3
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I dont really. My fiance says suicidal people aren't worth your time or energy... which stings considering he knows the thoughts I battle. He says everyone needs their time to grieve, yet he expected me to be over it in just a couple days... he told me the times up and I cant dwell. I understand not letting it consume you, but not just getting over it in a few days or weeks... I could have stopped Tyler. I could have helped. And I didnt. Its not something ill get over anytime soon.

S[he] be[lie]v[ed]

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Old 16-01-2021, 07:13 PM   #4
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I lost a really good friend to suicide five years ago. People expected me to move on and 'get over it' eventually. You never get over something like that. It's always going to leave a hole in your heart and mind and the doubt whether you could have Said or done something to prevent them from taking their life Will never leave. And anyone who expects you to just get over it and move on is a bit of a dick. A fortunate dick who has never lost anyone like that.

But like Camden says, only one person is responsible for a suicide, and that is the person who commits it. Chances are that even if you had called back, even if you has Said and done all the right things, would that still be enough??? I find from personal experience that it's not so much things Said at the right time that makes a difference when i feel suicidal. It's the continuos reminder from friends that they are still there, they still care and they still want to listen to me. And it sounds like you were just that person to your friend. Someone he could call, someone who listened, someone who didn't bail at the first sign of trouble. But sometimes, even being that friend, that person, is not enough. And it's okay. You did everything you could, you gave all you had to offer and you probably made a very big difference in his life. Try to focus on that instead of the feeling of guilt and failure. You were there!!!! You tried to help him. Sometimes it's not enough but you TRIED!!!! Many failed but you tried!!!!!

I tried too, back those five years ago. But it wasn't enough. And it pains me every time i see someone else going through it too. But it wasn't your fault!!! And grieving is a process that never really ends. So suck it up to all the people who Think that grieving has a deadline!!! It doesn't. And that's okay too. You can cry and be angry/sad/furious for as long as you need to.

Keep reaching out here if it helps. Keep the memories alive. But please, please don't blame yourself. Tyler wouldn't want that!! Xx

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Old 16-01-2021, 08:40 PM   #5
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Grieving does not have a deadline, anyone who that opinion and thinks it does are stupid and are not worth your time or energy.

Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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