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Old 24-03-2017, 04:39 AM   #1
~You bleed just to know you're alive~
little-elf's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Wales, UK
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I don't know where to turn *Triggering Si/Suicide*

I don't know what to do or where to turn... My mental health has been on a steady decline the last 18 months, but the last few weeks I've gone downhill rapidly.

My mood swings have gotten out of hand; normally a laid back person I've become irritable, angry and I lose my temper in an instant, and I could give you whiplash how quick they change.

Suicidal thoughts have been becoming more and more prevalent, I'm having to argue with myself why I should be alive. Urges to self harm almost uncontrollable - refrained from cutting as it interferes with my hydrotherapy, but when emotions got too high I found myself punching myself in the head.

Went to the doctors almost 2 weeks ago as antidepressants not veen working for 3ish months (prev GP said to wait to see if started working again) and he said he was going to refer me to CMHT to see psychiatrist, he couldn't do anything about meds cos I'm maxed on mine and he thinks I've got other MH stuff going on.

End of last week went back to GP because I was at breaking point - his secretary told me it would be 2 weeks til they sent my referral off - so he referred me to CRHTT and I had an appt at local psych ward for assessment. He was really concerned and kept repeatedly preparing me that they'd probably want to take me as inpatient to change my meds and monitor me.

Was in the assessment 2 hours, asked me a lot of questions that I found really difficult but I did my best to be as honest aa I could even though it was making my anxiety even worse. AND THEY SENT ME AWAY. no inpatient. No home treatment. No immediate referral to CMHT. The woman even suggested that if SI stops me committing suicide then I shouldn't worry about stopping til later down the line, and I should just go home and someone will see me in a few weeks to a couple of months.

I don't even know where to turn now. CMHT won't do anything til they get a referral, GP secretary refused to send it any quicker (Monday will be 2 weeks since my appt), CRHTT won't help. After not cutting in 5 months, I've cut every day since they sent me home, and deeper than I have in years.

This is the first time I've reached out to any of the MH services and no one will help. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm beyond help, all I know is I can't keep reaching out and being pushed away.

Does anyone have any ideas what I can do... I don't feel safe.

In The Wake Of All The Terror And The Hell, I Am Constantly Reminded All The Crosses That I Bear.
You want to see me burn, I am living fire. You will know me by the scars I bear.
See the pain in my eyes See the scars deep inside My God, I'm down in this hole again.
Everyone's asking questions No place is safe I'll forfeit resurrection To escape the pain I hate my life.
Eye'm sorry eye'm ugly, eye'm failing eye'm angry, eye'm fuct up eye'm different

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Old 27-03-2017, 10:37 PM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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That sounds pretty crap. I'm sorry it's been so hard. Sadly it really can feel like a lottery with these things depending on who you get to see. Sometimes the response can be great and other times it can feel like no one gives a ****.

i wonder if there is a local MIND in your area? If so I'd go and talk to them and tell them what's happened. They can be really helpful and advocate on your behalf.

Failing that then you really have just got to keep pestering until you find someone who will listen.

As for the sh comment - that's not unusual. MH staff can seem very matter of fact with these things and sometimes don't think about how they come across.

Hope you get help soon

Take care

Matthew x

~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P
Bitter Angel is my Mitten
Animad is my Top Trump
All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P

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Old 05-04-2017, 10:29 AM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Diagon Alley
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Im sorry your going through a really hard time at present and that no one is seeming to be listening to you. Margo is right about that it is a lottery with who you see but as he advised keep on going back to them. Or if you are feeling really unsafe go to your local A&E as they can support you also.

Have you tried other support such as Samaritans? Or even thought about speaking to a private counsellor? But I know that this sometimes can be expensive.


If we OWN the story then we can write the ending.

Brene Brown

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