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Old 18-11-2020, 03:47 AM   #1
Autumnleafs
 
Join Date: Nov 2020
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Hey,

I've never posted here before but i lurked a bit, and mostly just wanted some input on something. An obvious tw for self harm.

If im having a really bad time as an UNHEALTHY coping mechanism I'll cause injury.

My boyfriend of 4 years has basically been aware of it for a long time but we've never talked about it. He hasn't asked why, or said it was bad or anything. It kind of hurts. I do my best to hide things and I'm not wanting attention... but does this mean he's like. Supporting me?

I'm not over here thinking its right and okay of me to do this, but I'm questioning my "support system" lately.

Any advice or input for me??

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Old 18-11-2020, 04:36 AM   #2
black.shadow
 
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Maybe he just doesn't know what to say? Maybe he hasn't noticed (obviously, depends on how bad your injuries are but some guys can be pretty unobservant ...)? Maybe he thinks it would be weird to raise the topic after such a long time?

I have you ever brought it up yourself?

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Old 18-11-2020, 08:44 PM   #3
Auror.
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Are you asking if he is essentially condoning the behavior by not saying anything? I wouldn't necessarily assume anything either way without actually asking him. Is this a conversation you feel safe having? I would argue that a relationship in itself might not be the healthiest if you don't feel like you can talk about things or really be open about what's going on with regards to how you are struggling.



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Old 19-11-2020, 02:56 AM   #4
Greyscale
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I think this is a little difficult, I agree with Auror above that I wouldn't assume anything right now. Have you ever spoken to him about it? I think it's really hard to say whether he is or is not supportive without actually discussing it with him.

I would say that currently he is not being actively supportive but that doesn't mean it is by design or that he doesn't care, it could be that he doesn't know what you need. Sometimes, people can feel as though it isn't their place to bring up things like self harm, and sometimes they can want to but feel like if it was something the person wanted to talk about, they would say that. It could also be that he doesn't really see anything wrong with it. Or it could be that he is struggling to even know how to address it.

It's really impossible to know how he's feeling or what he thinks without having an open and honest conversation about the issue, because he also can't really be supportive without knowing what you're needing or wanting in the first place. I know it can be difficult to have these conversations, but I hope that it is something you can consider, as you do deserve to be supported in your relationship.

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