They've fast tracked my Mum for tests for cancer. She saw the GP last week and has a three hour appointment for tests tomorrow afternoon. I am trying not to make this all about me, as clearly it isn't, but I am still so fragile (though I fucking hate that word) after being in hospital and I just am. not. coping. Went to church today and cried the whole way through. I can't talk to anyone in real life about how I'm feeling about it without sounding like a fucking selfish twat, so here I am...
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
It's really scary when a close loved one has to go through cancer tests. It's so emotional and can leave you feeling so helpless. Sometimes we need a place to just say exactly what's on our minds and hearts about it all, so please do feel free to use this space, knowing it won't hurt anyone, it is your space. The most helpful thing anyone said to me when it was my mum, was just that it was okay to feel whatever I felt. And it is. Sending you warm thoughts and love.
Lovely, I don't think you're being selfish at all. When something scary like this happens it's natural to think about how much that person influences and affects your life. And I know how super special your mum is. Please keep talking here, don't bottle it up. Remember you can say anything here and won't be judged for it.
I called crisis. She was kind, but what can they do, really? I just have to sit with this until the results come back. And I can't. But I have no choice. It's so fucking horrible. She said I have to be really careful not to 'crack.' I know I have, as I've only just uncracked and the glue is still drying. I just... I don't know. It's hard.
The GP said she thinks her symptoms are due to Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency. So that's potentially pancreatic cancer, which generally equals death. It could be something else, but cancer is all I can think about right now. I need to get a grip.
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
It is super scary when someone you love gets put on the fast track approach. That's ok, it is ok to be worried, it is ok to wonder how you will cope. This period of wellness is new and not quite on firm ground yet. All of what you have said sounds like perfectly normal responses and nothing like the response of a selfish person.
I sincerely hope your mum is ok but whilst you are waiting for the news keep taking about your worries they will eat you inside otherwise. Do you think you could reach out to your cc/cpn?
Remember you are a strong and capable person and you can do this.
Hey has there been any news on your mum's appointments? i hope she's okay
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.