Take mine. Have it. I hate it. I’m sick of it. I can’t stand it anymore. It’s shit and awful and lonely and painful and sad and horrible. I can’t cope with being here anymore.
The staff are hit and miss, and as I’m on 1:1 I seem to get all the crap ones. The nurses are too busy, understaffed. People say horrible things. I have a formal complaint against a nurse going through as she was horrendous when she found me convulsing on the floor. I wasn’t allowed to see my children on Christmas Day. I can cry and sob and the only comfort or advice comes from another patient who I’ve become friends with. Only she was away Christmas Eve so I was just crying alone, whilst my 1:1 looked at me but didn’t say a word.
This place makes you suicidal. They’re forcing injections on me and talking about ECT, and it’s kust how awful the place is that’s keeping my mood so low.
I can see how that would make things difficult. Are there any of the nurses that you would feel comfortable talking to about how difficult you are finding it and how unsupportive some of the staff our when you are upset?
Had an awful night, awful. Ended up on 2:1. I wish they’d just chuck me in seclusion and throw away the key. It’s hard not method sharing but I’ve just been wild because two members of staff teamed up to have a go at me, and I struggle when more than one person is talking to me let alone telling me off. I’ve never cried so hard for so long. I wish I was dead.
That really sounds so distressing, I'm sorry you're having such a terrible time. Are there times when you feel a bit calmer etc where you can explain to people how they make you feel and what is actually helpful for you?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
The day staff are great, but I don’t know what the problem is at night. I’m on 2:1 at night now for some reason and 1:1 in the day.
I don’t feel like I deserve this bed, or nurse time. I feel tired. I’m still waiting for medication to increase and if that doesn’t work I’m going to ask for ECT
Are you unsure about why you are on 2:1 at night? Try and ask if that is what you mean, you deserve to be kept in the loop about what's going on. Is the night time difficult for you? What do the day staff do differently that is helpful?
You deserve support and care and treatment. No wonder you're tired, you're distressed and having to try different treatments. Please keep trying though. I hope the medication increase will be useful and if not I hope you can talk about what you might want next.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Is getting some type of advocate or your family to try to contact one for you an option? This does not sound okay, and if they are not listening to you then someone needs to.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Thank you all for your support. I spent another evening in seclusion last Wednesday’s but it wasn’t as bad as my first experience.
I’m hoping to get off 1:1 tomorrow, I haven’t seen my children in so long and it really upsets me. I’m making a positive start today and I’m going to have some breakfast. One of the night staff has done a complete u turn in his attitude towards me since he restrained me, dragged me to seclusion and had to look after me whilst I sobbed, and I wrote him a thank you card for talking to me (for a change) and making an effort to be nice to me, because he was so lovely to me last night on my 1:1 with him.
I want ECT but have been told I have to wait a long time for it.
Oh, and one of the other patients is absolutely amazing, we support each other and I wouldn’t be here without her. She makes me laugh so much and is a real comfort when staff are shitty.
Been threatened with PICU as I keep smashing stuff up to harm with, and will probably be getting sedated for fluids and tube feeding as I’m underweight and losing weight fast.