Contains sexual abuse - Rape and Fiance

[kimnicole]

So when I was younger I was raped for years by my brother and his friends. I down played it for years and then it all finally came out and with a vengeance. But I was able to get past it. Well when I started dating my now fiancé. I told him about my issue. I also told him I didn't want to have till marriage. well a month ago we went out drinking. me and him have dated for years he knew I wanted to wait and everything. Well I got completely drunk. don't remember anything really. Then apparently I went and smoked weed which doesn't sound like me. And all I remember when we pulled into my driveway he forced himself on top of me I was whimpering saying no. I'm still with him but I'm afraid to be alone or even with him. since that night he has became very controlling and I don't want to get hurt again. But I did go get checked out and everything. But now I've been feeling really depressed, and constantly having anxiety attacks. Not wanting to eat because just the thought of food makes me dizzy. I have gone back to self harming. I need advice on what to do or how to get help. I have no car or license.

[Pi.R^2]

Do you really want to be with this guy when you're so afraid to be around him? Would you consider looking into charities or services in the area that support women experiencing domestic abuse?

[kimnicole]

i have tried to look into things in my area. but since that night he has became abusive constantly putting me down and controlling everything i do. But know im pregnant im afraid to leave him because of his anger. i never had sex with him, he took what he want and left me with a constant memory of him. im terrified because i don't want a child now. im still young and im lost and confused on what to do since i cant get help because of how he treats me.

[HopeRises]

Does he know your pregnant? It's your body and your decision what you do with regards to baby. He took control but you can take it back. You can get online so maybe there is a helpline you can call or something with a web Hat? And perhaps a women's refuge that can help you? You can leave him if you want too, it probably won't be easy and it may seem impossible but it isn't impossible. You said in your other thread about going to stay with your mum and moving state? Does your mum know the situation? If not could you tell her? Would she be able to support you in leaving him?

[kimnicole]

My mom knows everything. And no he don’t know about the pregnancy because if he did. He would want to constantly be apart of my life. I don’t believe in abortion. So I would have to decide down the road what to do. But my mom dont care about the situation I am in she just wants me taken care of and treated correctly. I have already sent my dogs away to keep them safe. Which is one of the hardest things I could have ever done. But now with the pregnancy I’m afraid of what his reaction will be. Because I may not have wanted a kid. But that don’t mean I would want it dead

[Pi.R^2]

Were you able to find any support services in your area that might be able to help? It sounds like a terrifying situation and I hope you are able to get away as soon as possible. Would your mom being able to help with getting you and your baby away from him?

[kimnicole]

No I wasn’t. My mom would do anything

[Isoverity]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimnicole

My mom knows everything. And no he don’t know about the pregnancy because if he did. He would want to constantly be apart of my life.

Technically, he will owe you child support money

[kimnicole]

that's if I wanted it. I have a job that is able to supply for a child and me

[Isoverity]

Do you own a house and car? You have money saved-up? Health-care? Education funds? There's no reason you should get stuck with all the heavy lifting while the dude gets off free. Plus he will probably not pay and then avoid you

[kimnicole]

Yes. I work 2 jobs for a reason. So I can save money. 1 of my jobs is for fun while the other is a must for health insurance and everything. My mother raised 10 kids by her self I think I can raise mine by myself.

[Pi.R^2]

It sounds like you are very self-sufficient and independent, well done! Would you consider leaving your abusive partner and setting up a better life for yourself and your child?

[kimnicole]

yes of course. A child should never be raised around that

[Pi.R^2]

Ah sorry, I didn't realise you had made the decision to leave. How are you getting on?

[kimnicole]

I'm going to buy the bus tickets tonight at midnight. And than when its time for my bus leave. and go to Ohio and start a new life and erase my old life

[Pi.R^2]

So pleased to read this. I hope the move has gone well.

[kimnicole]

I hope it goes well too. I leave in a week exactly. I don't want to leave where I am at right now but until I get on my feet better. It is truly the only thing I can think off right now. I hate that I gave to leave because I seriously love this job I have and truly don't want to give it up. But for now this is what has to happen. I am not leaving forever just temporary.

[Pi.R^2]

Good luck.
Do you know anyone there who might be able to support you once you're there?

[kimnicole]

not really because my mom leaves there. But this just got even more complicated because of the fact that my boss found out I was cutting my wrist when I forgot to wear my watch. And she is super upset and disappointed and worried. So she pulled me into her office yesterday and had a heart to heart. About how I shouldn't leave Alabama with a negative note. And how I really don't know my mother and she would be willing to get me into a domestic violence shelter. Which would than let me keep my job and continue to strive at it. As well as continue to work for her because I am apparently a good employee.

[Pi.R^2]

Sounds like your boss is really supportive. What are your thoughts about potentially staying and moving to a domestic violence shelter with the help of your boss? Perhaps a pros and cons list for your options would be helpful.