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Old 21-09-2011, 05:15 PM   #1
LittleMissplaced
 
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Relationship Advice Please

Hi. This is my first thread on here.
I don't really know what to say except I need help.

I've struggled with eating disorders and forms of self harm since I was 13.
I've suspected for a few years now that I am suffering from bi polar disorder but I'm not allowed to seek help.

I'm in a relationship with the most fantastic person I've ever met in my life, and that should make everything better.
Right?
The only snag is that she's on the other side of the planet.

We've been trying to get me citizenship in her country for a long time now. But it just keeps going wrong.

She's dealt with pretty much everything I have.
We've both had troubles with food. We've both cut. We've both had addictions.
We've both attempted suicide.

And at first, that was so comforting.
But now....

If I have a breakdown.
If I want to end it.
If I'm feeling trapped.
If all I can think about is the memories, or if I want to cut, or drink, or any number of things.....

She only says "I'm sorry I'm not enough."
...

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
It's not like that.

But how do I let her know that?

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Old 22-09-2011, 09:22 AM   #2
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Could she not come to you?



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Old 22-09-2011, 09:46 AM   #3
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I know how you feel. I get "if you really loved me you wouldn't cut"

Its horrible.

No advice I'm afraid except to keep reassuring her that you do care about her, its just that things from your past get you down at times.



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Old 22-09-2011, 06:52 PM   #4
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What do you mean Tifflehan?
And thanks MakeDamnSure. It's good to at the very least know I'm not the only one struggling with letting people know me loving them... and the things I do aren't connected. :(



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Old 22-09-2011, 08:55 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tifflehan View Post
Could she not come to you?
Can she get citizenship in your country?

Firstly welcome to RYL! Can I ask why you're not allowed to get help? Particularly if you suspect you might be bipolar then the earlier you get assessed the better it will be for you mentally. It's very important.

You sound like you have a great relationship there but if you're each other's only support then that is going to put a lot of strain on each of you. Is she getting any support or are there any other people you can regularly talk to?
Kiran
xx



Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.


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Old 23-09-2011, 03:07 PM   #6
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She is going to the counseling centre at her University, as was I at my own until I was kicked out for having depressive episodes and not attending class.
I was raped last year and my exfiance of 4 years left me because of it. It was his friend and he believed him over me.
So... Having just come off that for only a few months before enrolling, I would go through extreme periods of normalcy, and then absolute crippling depression and despair.
My girlfriend and I were only friends at this time. We were still each other's main source of support, and it was honestly.... a little better support system that we have now.
When I was kicked out I was forced to move back to my parents place until I could find something to do.
My parents have 2 older daughters.
The younger of which is incredibly disturbed. She's been in and out of more mental institutions and hospitals and rehabs than I can say my entire life.
She's tried to kill herself, and us before.
Many times.
When I've begged my parents, crying, to see a doctor, or a therapist, a counselor, anything; they would scream at me "Do you want to be just like your sister?"
And it was forbidden. I'm fine. It's in my head. I'm lying. I just want attention.

I am not changing blame for the things that happen in my life. I know I've caused it. But I also know that I've had unnatural periods of happiness where I feel high as a kite and I run around and talk really fast and eat food and hang with friends and walk up to 10 miles a day and feel beautiful and powerful.
And then there are days where I feel anxious, nervous, paranoid, so tired, and ugly. I cry and get mad, like, screaming mad.
I can't stop wanting to kill myself. I feel worthless and disgusting. I won't eat. Or I'll force myself to throw up. Or I'll chew food for as long as possible and then spit it out. I don't even brush my teeth during these times.
I feel dead. And I just don't see a point.
I won't leave the house for months. Or weeks. However long the episodes last. I just can't.

But because of these mood swings that I started developing around age 13, I've lost so much in life.
I got perfect grades in Elementary School. I was in honors classes.
I never got lower than an A. And not because I was forced. I loved it.
But as I got older and it got worse my grades got progressively worse.
I failed middle school, failed high school, and was forced to get a GED.
I lost literally all of my friends. And when my exfiance and I were together, it put a horrid strain on us. All the time.
Much like I can see it doing to my girlfriend and I now.
I just want to know if it IS bipolar. I want to know if there's anything that can be done to help me before I ruin any more chances I have in life.
I don't want to keep failing.

She's getting support over there not only for her issues, but also for transgenderism, and she's finally able to start hormone therapy for it.
I wouldn't change her getting help for anything in the world.
They recently said that they believe that she might be displaying bipolar tendencies. But she always seems so stable.
It scares me what's wrong with me then.
I'm always so far gone.

And to answer the citizenship question, she could come here.
But neither of us want it. She is from Australia, and I'm from America.
Not only does Australia have a higher standard of living than America, and offer free medical care for its citizens, and great benefits for its youth, but her entire family is there. And they're really good people.
She has friends there. Who have become my friends.
She's going to college, and has a job.
The clinic she's going to is there.
I don't have anything here to stay for. My family hates each other and my mother is physically and verbally abusive. I don't have any friends, I was kicked out of school, and I lost my job.

It wouldn't make sense to go the other way.


Last edited by LittleMissplaced : 23-09-2011 at 03:38 PM.


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Old 24-09-2011, 11:52 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Plumsie View Post



And it was forbidden. I'm fine. It's in my head. I'm lying. I just want attention.
Hon please, please listen to me when I say that this is not your fault. If there is one thing you get from my reply I'd like it to be that. You do not deserve to be treated like badly and nobody is to blame for a mental illness. Would your girlfriend blame you for how you feel? Would you blame her for anything she's going through? I don't think so somehow.




But because of these mood swings that I started developing around age 13, I've lost so much in life.
I got perfect grades in Elementary School. I was in honors classes.
I never got lower than an A. And not because I was forced. I loved it.
Then it's time to recapture what you loved.
You have been through such a lot and let me tell you the first part of this post could have been written by me. I had a very similar experience to you at University and I too used to love school. It's not even about what we could achieve, it's about doing things that we love and for you part of that is your love of learning isn't it. It's time to be kinder to yourself and remember who you are.


I just want to know if it IS bipolar. I want to know if there's anything that can be done to help me before I ruin any more chances I have in life.

I'm positive something can be done to help so please get help.

.
Kiran
xx
PS You're free to PM me if you ever want to chat.



Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.


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Old 25-09-2011, 04:43 AM   #8
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... That is ... one of the nicest things anyone's said to me in such a long time.
Thank you.
And.. I'm trying.
My hopes are that when I get to Australia I can start seeking help.



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Old 25-09-2011, 10:42 AM   #9
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Hey, Plumsie - just wanted to offer my support and give you ****hugs****
Welcome to RYL.

Its wonderful that you have found somebody with such an understanding of problems similar to your own. It sounds to me that your partner is perhaps not quite ready to give you the support you need; not surprising, considering they're still dealing with their own. That doesn't mean you can't talk to each other about your struggles, but you should both seek your own support networks too.
I think your parents are behaving selfishly because they are afraid - have you tried talking to your GP? Or to someone at school/college? I know they're your parents and I don't know how old you are, but you are still your own, autonomous person who deserves the help they need. Talk to someone. Your parents will understand eventually and be grateful that you were sensible enough to realise you needed help.



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Old 25-09-2011, 02:35 PM   #10
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I'm about to turn 21, and I sadly don't attend school anymore.
I actually can't leave the house.
My parents live in the middle of nowhere, miles from even a gas station, and my dad takes our only car to work in a neighboring town from 4am to 9pm every day.
I don't have any friends who could give me a ride.

I haven't been to a doctor since I was about 13, and I've never had a regular doctor.
My father is retired military, and so the doctors who work at our hospital are active duty military and get deployed regularly.



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Old 25-09-2011, 05:05 PM   #11
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Hm that's pretty rough...why don't you try Googling (or asking RYL staff to help you find) a telephone support service that you could use? At least you could have someone to talk to and they might have a few ideas for you.
Aren't you even near any public transport, so you could get yourself out and about and feel less isolated?



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Old 25-09-2011, 05:06 PM   #12
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No. My parents live on the outskirts of a very rural fishing town.
Which is never good.... Feeling alone and feeling trapped are two of my worst triggers.
But... okay. I will look into the phone service.



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Old 25-09-2011, 05:13 PM   #13
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I think just being able to chat to someone from outside will help you feel a little better...I hope so anyway. And don't forget you've got us :)



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Old 26-09-2011, 02:08 AM   #14
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I'd give the phone service mentioned above a try, might be a good step

I know the feeling about wanting to be with someone in a situation like that (although not on an international scale I must admit) and I know it can hurt, but hopefully you'll find a way to get past the obstacles...



So many faces I have seen, so many places not yet been.
So many people I have met, so many names not to forget.
Such beautiful people in their right, laughing, dancing through the night.
So many faces I have seen, the futures so bright it can't be seen.
Is any of this even real?



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