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Old 26-04-2011, 07:48 PM   #1
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Romantic relationships

Obviously having mental health issues can make it difficult to manage having a partner, I was just wondering if there are many people on here that have/can manage to make it work?

I've been with my husband for 5 years, married for 2 years. I firmly believe that we work because of the type of person he is. None of my previous relationships have managed much more than a year.

How does everyone else find it?

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Old 26-04-2011, 08:22 PM   #2
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My boy and I both have mental health issues. We've been best friends for 5 years, in a relationship for 2 years, and living together for 1 year. Before him, I never had a relationship longer than 6 months. He's been the only one who has ever stuck around through one of my meltdowns.

The hardest part, I think, is dealing with the coupling of my anxiety disorder on top of his dissociative identity disorder. His alter is put off by how timid and frantic I get sometimes, which just distances us further. The best part, though, is being able to understand the hurdles we face and always having somebody to lean on.

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Old 26-04-2011, 08:39 PM   #3
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I think it's very possible for people with mental health problems to have stable relationships, even people with BPD who, as part of the diagnostic criteria, are often considered as having turbulent relationships.

I've only been with my partner for two months, but we have been very close indeed for the past several years, and good friends for 10 years. I think ALL relationships have their ups and downs, and lots of stable, married people go through rough patches, so those times are not necessarily indicative of a problem - just as some stable relationships may need a time working through rocky patches in counselling. I think it's important to work at a relationship that matters to you.

That was slightly off-topic! What I'm saying is, yes, it's possible for people with mental health problems to have stable relationships. In the case of BPD, someone might have stable relationships with some people, and very tempestuous ones with other people.

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Old 26-04-2011, 09:18 PM   #4
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From experience, I think it can work, but only if the issues can be kept in check.

Realtionships are a great way of mutually supporting eachother I guess, but if your issues begin to dominate the relationship then things can break down quite quickly

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Old 27-04-2011, 01:18 AM   #5
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It can work, but it takes a lot of work, and a very patient partner.

you just don't have to be lonely, anymore. - my blog :)

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Old 27-04-2011, 01:37 AM   #6
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I have been with my bf for over a year now and we have been living together for like 5 months. We yell get angry and everything mainly because of my mental health issues. At the end of the day though we love each other and we work at it because we care about each other. It is extremely hard but yes it is possible where we end up no-one knows but we are okay for now.

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Old 27-04-2011, 03:17 AM   #7
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I've been with my husband for 9 years, married for 1.5 years.

He has been with me through everything. A lot of the relationship lasting is due to him, since I'm an absolute mess. But there are a lot of great things in our relationship despite my mental health problems. And I think we try and focus on that as much as we can.

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Old 27-04-2011, 04:39 PM   #8
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I think it must be easier when at least one partner is fairly stable. If both people have serious issues I can imagine it falling apart fairly easily.

A lot of the time my boyfriend acts as a kind of "buffer". I can say what I feel and cry and shout and be a complete mess sometimes and I think it would be harder if he started getting upset or angry too. As it is he lets me get my feelings out and then picks me up again and gives me a hug.

I think it would be too exhausting for me to deal with someone elses issues as well as my own.

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Old 28-04-2011, 11:59 PM   #9
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My boyf and I have been together for four years and living together for one. Things have been up and down but we've managed to stay together due to his patience and ability to pull me out of my lows and manic times. Since I have been diagnosed with BPD it has been easier in a way as my boyf has learnt new ways to help me and without him I really wouldn't have made it this far.
I think that it is possible to have amazing stable relationships but you have to deal with the guilt of everything you put your partner through.

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Old 29-04-2011, 11:14 PM   #10
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Me and my ex were together for 2+ years. At that time we were both pretty f*cked up and the relationship broke down because she got better and I didn't so it works either way I think. I guess you just have to both either be recovered or not or whatever, I don't know. Just my two cents.

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Old 30-04-2011, 12:43 AM   #11
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I think it can definitely work! I have been in a relationship for 3 years this June and we have been living together a year on the 1st May. We both have BPD and both stuggle with SH/destructive behaviours but I think patience and understanding and the will to want to be together and have a future with one another has kept the relationship going. I completely agree with Miiikeee though that if the problems feed off one another the relationship can break down so very quickly.

I guess it takes a **** lot of effort to maintain, but if you want it to work, you'll make it happen [both parties I mean].

I know people however who have had relationships with severe mental health problems and it just doesn't work, and I believe the issues can make it near impossible for some people if they are in the wrong place or are unsure of what they want.

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Old 09-05-2011, 02:42 PM   #12
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I think its hit or miss like any other relationship.

Understanding and patience can go a long way, but if your partner doesnt take the time to understand why you go through the things you do youre just waiting for failure to hit.

Being properly medicated is important too, if you suffer from strong impulse and chaotic moods, then you aren't fit for a relationship at that moment.

Relationships end fast when they arent supportive and say to just stop being that way, that i know for sure.

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Old 09-05-2011, 03:00 PM   #13
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I am in recovery and have just got into a new relationship. He doesn't know about my mental health difficulties, but his personality and the way he is keeps me grounded and stops my mind from running away with itself. He doesn't know it, but he has a very positive influence on me.

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