I feel like such a loser, I can't work, can't study, moving before I started GCSE's meant I had to take GCSE courses in things I didn't know anything about so I have less qualifications than other people. Couldn't finish A levels because I was suicidal.
I feel like I have nothing, know nothing. I'm listening to Beethoven which I really like but feel like I shouldn't listen to it because I'm a fraud, it might make me seem smart but I'm not.
I'm in a bad place right now, I know that. What I don't know is how to change this, everytime I think I've hit bottom I sink deeper and its scary. I've been cutting too much, the cuts hurt so much I feel like I'm going to throw up. I don't want to keep living like this but its the only way I know. I need your help but you don't even notice that I'm struggling, you're my mom...so why won't you help me?
"Some people get by, with a little understanding. Some people get by, with a whole lot more."
I am absolutely shattered. Today scared me so much, as we both agreed, we're not ready to have a kid and we don't want one, but lying their with you this evening made me sad, I don't know why, it just did :( I guess I am sorry for letting it happen cause I don't want you to feel bad for our mistake :( But you really are incredible, we are so strong, even today couldn't break us. I will never forget this day and the way I felt. I love you. Srsly.
I don't add anything to anyone's life, you say you don't feel trapped but you are. You're trapped looking after me, you haven't had a job all the time you've been with me because I need constant supervision. I'm dragging you down. I just want to be well
Do I have to be bleeding for you to care?
I just want you to ask me if all right for once or offer to give me a hug instead of me having to ask, I honestly feel like you only support me because I'm forcing you into it and you have no choice. You do have a choice if you care show it, if you don't then fuck off
I don't feel right, I can't explain it, I don't feel real; I can't be real. My flesh is disgusting, my mind is vile. I don't belong here. I should be dead, I should've fucking died. I hate myself so much and I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anything.
I hate how I feel :( I hate seeing you like this, it makes me feel so sad, you seem so incapable of doing anything on your own, you seem so lonely and frail, and it just upsets me :( Then I feel bad for not seeing more of you while you're still here, but every time I do I feel upset and scared. I love you Nan, honestly, and I still remember all the stuff we used to do together even if you don't <3
Last edited by lonely_hope : 06-09-2011 at 07:49 AM.
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.