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Old 21-07-2007, 10:48 PM   #1
Harley's Dad
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
A Saturday Night Story - a dozen things not to say to a man when you first see him naked - Adult

"I suppose this makes me the early bird!"

"Awww, it's cute."

"Why don't we just cuddle?"

"You know they have surgery to fix that."

"Wow, and your feet are so big!"

"It's OK, we'll work around it ..."

"This explains your car!"

"At least this won't take long ..."

"But it still works, right?"

"Why don't we skip straight to the cigarettes?"

"It's a good thing you have so many other talents ..."

"So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality!"


Some of you might like to add your own contributions to the list - I will offer a small prize for the best addition to the above. But, no entries from anyone under 16 (in view of recent threads relating to the risque and the young), and of course be aware that in real life men are understandably sensitive about certain aspects of their physique ...


Tony (with his legs crossed).

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Old 21-07-2007, 10:55 PM   #2
ihatethereforeiam
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Ha! nice..



Feel free to PM me any time; whether you want support or just a chat! x

"
She's been everybody else's girl
Maybe one day she'll be her own"


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Old 21-07-2007, 11:00 PM   #3
Queen Crabbit
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Man: Darling, can I take a photo of you naked so I can remember this night forever?
Woman: Of course.

Woman: Darling, can I take a photo of you naked too?
Man: Why?
Woman: So I can get it enlarged.

I amuse myself so much.




&& then buffy staked edward. the end.


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Old 21-07-2007, 11:04 PM   #4
Bleeding Angel
This is my story, and your not part of it...
 
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1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

Ha ha il jus post the whole list





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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Old 21-07-2007, 11:13 PM   #5
Bleeding Angel
This is my story, and your not part of it...
 
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What did the elephant say to the naked man?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Answer
How the hell do you breath out of that thing


A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die. They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died.

After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that they were not going to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and they discussed their predicament in great depth. Finally the priest said to the nun, "you know sister, I am about to die, and there's always been one thing I've wanted here on earth--to see a woman naked. Would you mind taking off your clothes so I can look at you?"

The nun thought about his request for several seconds and then agreed to take off her clothes. As she was doing so, she remarked, "well, Father, now that I think about it, I've never seen a man naked, either. Would you mind taking off your clothes, too?"

With little hesitation, the priest also stripped. Suddenly the nun exclaimed, "Father! What is that little thing hanging between your legs?"

The priest patiently answered, "That, my child, is a gift from God. If I put it in you, it creates a new life."

"Well," responded the nun, "forget about me. Stick it in the camel!"


Im amusing myself too much here





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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Old 21-07-2007, 11:28 PM   #6
lamestate
 
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"Is it in yet?"



But I can tell you've been through hell...


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Old 21-07-2007, 11:49 PM   #7
claireyfairy
(`・ω・)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lamestate View Post
"Is it in yet?"

I've drunkenly said that before as a joke haha =/



[every beginning is also an end]


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Old 21-07-2007, 11:53 PM   #8
lamestate
 
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I bet he found *that* hilarious!



But I can tell you've been through hell...


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Old 21-07-2007, 11:58 PM   #9
claireyfairy
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Oh yes immense ego boost that was :P



[every beginning is also an end]


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Old 22-07-2007, 12:34 AM   #10
Day Tripper
shannon
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lamestate View Post
"Is it in yet?"
I've also said it before as a joke. Didn't go across too well.

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Old 22-07-2007, 08:45 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bleeding Angel View Post

"Father! What is that little thing hanging between your legs?"
Gross.

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Old 22-07-2007, 11:08 AM   #12
crazykat
Fight for another day
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Queen Crabbit View Post
Man: Darling, can I take a photo of you naked so I can remember this night forever?
Woman: Of course.

Woman: Darling, can I take a photo of you naked too?
Man: Why?
Woman: So I can get it enlarged.

I amuse myself so much.
Haha this amused me too



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 22-07-2007, 11:42 AM   #13
akita
 
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I'm not so sure what to say in reply to this so i wont say anything

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Old 22-07-2007, 12:17 PM   #14
Shadow Z
eh
 
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"Oh.. do you mind if I use my dildo too?"

"I thought my last boyfriend was small."

"Don't worry I know how to get it up... oh, really? is it chilly?"

"Um, like, did you bend it that way?"

The following content has been hidden - Reason : descriptive
"Well, I don't think I can give you a hand job, but maybe a few fingers.. job."

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Old 22-07-2007, 12:40 PM   #15
claireyfairy
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^^ ewwwwwwwwwwwww :O



[every beginning is also an end]


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Old 22-07-2007, 01:52 PM   #16
Psiren
Apathetic without the 'A'
 
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*falls over giggling*






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Old 22-07-2007, 05:53 PM   #17
Curly
 
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Haha!!!!!!!



When one door of happiness closes another one opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.


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Old 22-07-2007, 06:18 PM   #18
PolkaDot.
 
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"your brother is bigger."

:)






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Old 22-07-2007, 07:18 PM   #19
lamestate
 
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^that's a good one!



But I can tell you've been through hell...


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Old 22-07-2007, 08:49 PM   #20
Mandimoo
Mummy!!
 
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'don't take that thing near any fish'
'why?'
'they might mistake it for food'.

'you brought your bait but you haven't exactly got a rod'.



Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER

Mand x

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