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Old 20-10-2009, 08:58 PM   #981
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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Final hours.

Despite my granddad’s ever present humour there was no denying the fact that he was slowly slipping away from this life. Mum argued with him about the cricket, snorting at his prediction of the England match results, I teased him and Grandma showed him the love and devotion she always had and still he took step after step towards death. Finally the day came. My grandmother contacted all her children and explained with a quavering voice that she thought their father was near the end. At the end of his life my grandfather was surrounded by his loving children and loving wife, all arguments genuinely put aside for the time being, all there to support him through this greatest transition. They watched as he gradually faded away, convinced he was no longer present until my grandmother grasped his hand and leaned tenderly forward saying ‘Jim, it’s Joy, can you tell me if you’re still with us?’ and felt a vague squeeze of her hand in return.


Slowly but surely Granddad’s breathing got slower and he gently passed away, leaving behind the hollow shell of a great man, a great father, grandfather and husband. A moment of ironic laughter occurred as he would have wanted around his deathbed as my mum unthinkingly referring to his heart attack of previous years stated ‘At least his heart kept going to the end,’ bringing much needed smiles to every face, despite the tears and loss lingering in the room.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 20-10-2009, 09:57 PM   #982
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*lots and lots of hugs*
Much love <3



"People have abused you lots in the past? Why do you then abuse yourself more?" - Quote
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone, Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong, Sometimes I feel nothing at all, Sometimes I feel vulnerable, Sometimes I feel a little fragile
RYL FAMILY-


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Old 20-10-2009, 11:19 PM   #983
risenfromperdition
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*hugs and squishies lots*



“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”

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Old 21-10-2009, 12:45 PM   #984
crazykat
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*Hugs lots*



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 21-10-2009, 12:58 PM   #985
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Just. Wow, Katy.
Remember to listen to everyone and keep yourself safe. :)
Otherwise I'ma have to reveal my secret identity as your stalker to keep you safe myself :O
*Cuddles*





I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.


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Old 21-10-2009, 01:16 PM   #986
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Wow. I spent last night before going to bed reading up til about page 35 then got back from my Uni lecture to read the rest. I really don't have the words; everybody has said what I want to say. You're amazingly brave and a fantastic author. Keep safe darling, we're all here by your side for you *gentle cuddles*
Lanny xxxx <3



You can't lose hope when it's hopeless.
You gotta hope more,
then put your fingers in your ears and go,
"Blah blah blah blah!"


I miss you Pip ♥


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Old 21-10-2009, 02:03 PM   #987
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The funeral.

In the days leading up to the funeral grief numbed me from the inside out and I felt like a robot on automatic, going about my business absent of feeling when an extra slice of pain was delivered onto my plate, piercing the mist with a sharp shock of disbelief. My uncle, my abuser would be attending the funeral. As would I. While I retreated into my own pain Mum fought every step of the way to try and oust my abuser from the celebration of my granddad’s life, to calve a space for me to grieve safely.

She bargained and bartered and blackmailed until eventually it was agreed that I would only attend the funeral and not the lowering of the coffin, in return for him attending the service but standing at the back, out of sight. The decision despite the compromise still felt like a knife through the ribs. I was being ousted from witnessing the lowering of coffin of a man whom I loved and admired immeasurably.

My arms were soon covered in cuts in ever increasing numbers, an outward display of my inner confusion and desperation. Finally the day of the funeral arrived and I spent the morning layering my arms with foundation in attempt to cover the scars that stood out red, vivid. I tried on outfit after outfit then sat for hours whilst waiting to attend, playing game upon game of clock solitaire to keep my mind blank and focused.

Arriving at the church my Dad and I filed into the front row to wait for my mother and the other family members who hadn’t been abused and as such had been allowed to properly and officially say goodbye. Gradually they entered the church in drips and drabs. My whole attention was immediately focused on my three younger cousins whom I doted on and I worked hard to make sure they were ok, reaching out to draw the one sobbing unashamedly into his jacket close enough to hug.

The service began and I shifted my attention to the minister, though kept a sharp eye on my cousins throughout to make sure they were coping. We sang favourite hymns and listened to favoured passages from the Bible and then finally the moment I had been waiting for with increasing trepidation arrived. ‘And now Katy, Jim Smith’s granddaughter is going to read us a poem she has written in memory of her grandfather.’


Last edited by Buttons. : 21-10-2009 at 02:33 PM.


'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 21-10-2009, 02:10 PM   #988
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*Sits on*
I am really, really amazed by your courage, Katy.
Lyk. Srsly. <3





I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.


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Old 21-10-2009, 02:33 PM   #989
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Thanks Frank :)



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 21-10-2009, 03:09 PM   #990
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..This calling me Frank thing is going to be a regular occurance isn't it? :P
Punishment for my own stupidity. ¬¬





I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.


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Old 21-10-2009, 03:12 PM   #991
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Well duh Frank.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 21-10-2009, 04:04 PM   #992
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Woe. :c





I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.


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Old 21-10-2009, 05:33 PM   #993
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Oh yeah, I went there.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 21-10-2009, 05:48 PM   #994
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Wow, well written *hug*

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Old 21-10-2009, 06:47 PM   #995
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Gah, the emotion, the pain, it's quite overwhelming... *squish*




The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..


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Old 21-10-2009, 06:47 PM   #996
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^ It's over, it's all good :)



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 21-10-2009, 07:01 PM   #997
risenfromperdition
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*squish* loveyoulots.
your writings 'mazing and <3



“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”

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Old 22-10-2009, 06:17 AM   #998
crazykat
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Another amazingly written peice *hugs*



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 22-10-2009, 08:13 AM   #999
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wow, this whole story is absolutly brilliant. it shows that you have been through so so much in such a short period of time and that you have come out of it such a strong an courageous person. you are an inspiration katy and such a great strong beautiful kind girl. *hugs*

catherine xxxx

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Old 22-10-2009, 07:32 PM   #1000
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Amazing writing again xx



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